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Conan Chop Chop is real, and its brain spiders can get in the bin, then into a volcano

Conan Chop Chop is real. It’s a cutesy dungeon crawler with 1-4 player co-op.  Mighty Kingdom made it, Funcom are publishing it. It’ll be out around September. Good. Fine. Good. Can we talk about these horrible leggy brain things in this picture I found please. What? Why? How do they even feed? Do they have telekinetic powers like the Brain Bugs in Starship Troopers? If so, why are they running into chop-chopping distance? Brains don’t do well against swords, that’s the whole point of skulls. Why are there legs coming out of their cerebellums? How can they fit the required neurological and muscular apparatus in there? Are those purple splats on the other side of the screen the remains of defeated brain bugs? Is that a CHUFFING WEB?


Conan Chop Chop was originally announced on April 1st, leading many to suspect it was some sort of hideously ill-timed Pancake Day celebration. Then we checked the date again, and realised it was April Fools. Speaking to Variety, Funcom CEO Rui Caisais said he had been ‘itching’ to give fans the ‘good news ever since’ the game’s original ‘April Fools trailer’ was released back in, uh, April.

That’s really nice to hear and everything but, those are definitely webs, aren’t they? Where do the silk glands fit on those horrific brains? I don’t like how they’re basically completely non-threatening and yet somehow feel confident enough to bumrush barbarians with big weapons.

You can wishlist Conan Chop Chop on Steam now, if you feel you can cope with it. Ewwww.



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Nic Reuben


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