You’re dead. You messed up, but so did they. That bus has bought you a one way ticket to the afterlife – the wrong afterlife. Your namesake has landed you in philosophy hell, I’m afraid, but it’s fun here. Promise.
Socrates Jones: Pro Philosopher is a free browser game about a hapless accountant who has to philosophise his way out of the great beyond. You meet a smorgasbord of history’s influential philosophers and poke holes in their arguments, Ace Attorney style, digging up contradictions and other logical missteps. Your end goal is figure out the ultimate nature of morality, but don’t think about that too much or you’ll spoil the ending.
I love it, but, like: of course I would. I’m a philosophy nerd, and sometimes that leaks out past the supporter paywall protecting most of you from nonsense like this. You probably aren’t one, but I still think you might enjoy snuggling up with Socrates Jones almost as much as I did. It’s funny, weird and thought-provoking, not to mention the best possible way of discovering the breadth of moral concepts across history.
I spent three years doing that at university. You can do it in three hours, and get to encounter Kant as a silly boss fight rather than through a hellish essay on his “doctrine of transcendental schema”.