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Have You Played... Lego Racers?

More like Lego Existential Crisis

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Have you ever uncovered a long-lost childhood memory? Experienced the sudden sting of nostalgia that drags your broken, weary body back to a youthful time where things were much simpler? It can be really scary, experiencing this complex emotion at an age you never expected to, weighed down by its Lovecraftian cosmic horror. I’m just 21 years old, and for me, that existential nightmare being is Lego Racers.

It was only a month ago or so now that, in idle browsing on the internet, I stumbled across a video on YouTube called “Lego Racers menu theme {extended for 30 minutes}” and decided to give it a click out of curiosity. This was a mistake. I shuddered, and the shuddering turned into violent shaking as I recoiled and retracted into my own body. I held my head with a hand on either temple, crying out to some god that wasn’t there, and who wouldn’t have given a toss even if he was.

I recall my time as a toddler playing Lego Racers on my parents’ Windows XP computer. It had a beige and teal-trimmed CRT monitor with a rollerball mouse, and one of those keyboards that weren’t mechanical but still felt big and chunky under your fingers. Of course, I don’t actually remember an awful lot about how the game itself played. Perhaps it was decent? I know you could make your own little Lego cars in it, and my toddler self probably loved that. Current me would probably still love that, mind you.

But what would happen if I tried playing it again, after all these years? If the menu music alone had such an impact on me, what would the rest of the game hold in store? Would I dissociate? Astrally project? Would I lose all sense of self, of other, of everything in-between? The thought of it sends chills down my spine and shocks me to my core. So if you somehow have a copy and can still get it to work, let me know if it’s good, yeah?

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Astrid Johnson

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Deputy Editor of this very site Alice Bell once described Astrid as a "Neo-retro-revolutionary." Now, she embodies that aesthetic via an audiovisual medium for Rock Paper Shotgun's YouTube channel. Got a weird game that's political, or gay, or political and gay? Send it here: astrid.johnson@rockpapershotgun.com

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