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A photo tour of London's best landmarks in Watch Dogs: Legion

(via a fictional drunk man)

Featured post A man in a garish union jack outfit leers into the camera; behind him, the Shard tower displays an equally garish terrorism warning

Right then you muppets. I bet you’ve heard all sorts of old rubbish about London town in Watch Dogs Legion, ‘aven’t you? You’ve probably got yer knickers in a right twist over how faithfully it recreates the UK capital, and how totally facked it is.

Well don’t you worry no more, sunshine. The name’s Ronald McNationalism, hardest bloke in DedSec, and I’m going to take you on a little bloppity-blip (that’s geezer chat for “trip”) round some of the city’s most iconic landmarks. We’ll start with the Shard, that massive tower full of money in Southwark. You can see behind me there, plastered with massive warnings about what an utter bloody danger I am.

But first, time to head to the riverside, and a pub that’s eerily like the Barrowboy & Banker in Southwark, to wolf down five pints on my own at 11AM.

Our ghastly host standing outside a facsimile of the Barrow Boy & Banker pub in Southwark - an inset circle cutout shows him guzzling pints at 11:00 AM

Aaaaah, that’s better. Totally fackin’ Barrowboy & Bankered. Now let’s get on the road and see the bleedin’ sights. First up, we’ll head to the Tower of London.

Wobbly, blurry shot of a car driving into oncoming traffic. There might be a Hawksmoor church in the background?

That might be a Hawksmoor church on the skyline there. Dunno, too pissed. Hang on, just realised the Tower’s only on the other side of the fackin’ Thames, isn’t it?

The sad battle jester falls face-first into the cobbles, as his car plunges into the Thames behind him

Ah well. There’s Tower Bridge, anyway. However, it’s fortified and swarming with Grade A bastards from Albion, so I ain’t getting across that way.

The buffoonish drunk swims across the Thames

Nothing quite like a nice swim through a load of cyberpunk filth to sober you up after a midmorning session. Glad I bought this Captain Birdseye coat now too, and all.

The Hateful Man stands in front of the Albion-occupied Tower of London

Bad news. The Tower of London’s there all right, but it’s chock-a-block with gits. Those complete wagons are gonna fill me full of stoats and voles (holes) if I go in on foot, so we’ll have to nick a drone.

High angle drone photo of the Tower of London; there are no ravens

Stone the crows! They’ve literally stoned the bloody crows! Albion have taken the famous ravens off of their roosts, and forced them all to smoke bongs and bongs of ‘orrible future drugs until they went mad and burst. No wonder London’s in such a fackin’ state! Better steal a high-powered sports car and head over to Buckingham Palace, to make sure her Maj is alright.

Captain London, crouched ready to fight on top of a battered sports car, with a big arch behind him

Saw this on the way there. Can’t remember what it’s called, but it’s a landmark innit? Got loads of Roman chat written on it, so it’s probably the colosseum or something.

The Patriotism Lord surveys the shabby state of Buckingham Palace, looking sorrowful

Bollocks. The oppression bois have gotten their dirty little spirit of the Blitz (mits) on the Queen’s gaff and all! Is there nothing they won’t stick their logo on for the sake of telegraphing their role as this game’s primary set of fackin’ antagonists?

Mourners at the gates of Buckingham Palace

It gets worse, though. Look, there’s some people doing a sad over a load of flowers. Mourning, I reckon. Could it be that Albion made dear old Liz do cyberdrugs until she burst?

Ronald takes a selfie wearing a tricked-out cyberpunk gas mask, in front of loads of memorial flowers for the queen

Lol, dunno. Accidentally got my shooter out instead of my camera so now I’m in a gunfight, you’ll just have to make do with this.

A horrific cadaver; a box behind it is labelled as containing human organs

Whoops, how did this get in the slideshow. Haha. Moving on.

Low angle shot of the London Eye

Right then, the heat’s off for a bit, so let’s cool this thing down with a nice trip on The Big Spinny, a.k.a Gigawheel, a.k.a The Millennium Bastard.

Ronald McNationalism stands solemnly in front of the boarded-up London Aquarium

Since we’re here on the South Bank, I reckoned I’d drop in on the old London Aquarium. But it’s completely bloody Jabba the Hutt (shut)! Apparently it’s reopening soon… no doubt as an Albion job, with all the water swapped with piss, and refugees instead of fish. The wankers.

The jingoistic war clown plays football with himself; the Houses of Parliament are in the background

I play a respectful bit of football with myself, in protest, before jumping on a pod to go up in the England Til I Die (sky).

The dreadful union jack man takes a selfie from a pod on the London Eye

Fackin’ marvellous – London from up in the air. Lovely, innit? There’s that big clock on a stick, and the Houses of Politics, and big old Father Thames himself, rolling along like ten gigatons of expired curry sauce.

A lovely vista of the north bank of the Thames, as seen from the London Eye

And there we are, right at the top of the world and bumping against the bloomin’ skybox. London bloody town, spread out like a picnic with no food, just wasps. Greatest city in the fackin’ world. Now who’s for nineteen pints and a fist fight with a riot cop?

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Who am I?

Nate Crowley

Reviews Editor

Nate Crowley was created from smokeless flame before the dawn of time. He writes books, and tweets a lot as @frogcroakley. Each October he is replaced by Ghoastus, the Roman Ghost. You can email him at: nate.crowley@rockpapershotgun.com

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