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Eivor sounds like he's selling expensive athleisure in this Assassin's Creed Valhalla trailer

Ah yes, here’s the face of Eivor. You know him for being the muscly, bearded bloke in Ubisoft’s upcoming Vikings game Assassin’s Creed Valhalla. No surprise such a famous fella would be getting deals to appear in commercials for—sorry, wait, he’s still repping his own game that’s not out yet? I dunno, are you absolutely sure he’s not selling performance-enhancing basketball shorts or something? Oh alright, I suppose he is still drumming up views for Valhalla until it launches in November.

Here ya go, Ubisoft’s new trailer for Valhalla, narrated by Eivor himself in the almost single shot style of a TV commercial for some celebrity’s lifestyle brand. “How to become England’s new landlord when no one wants to give you the keys?” He asks, smugly. It takes a reputation, of course, and dressing for the part. I’ll let you see the rest for yourself.

It’s meant to riff on other TV ads. I know that’s the point. I still can’t shake a massive case of secondhand embarrassment. I feel like I’m a teenager watching some other teenager show off their sporting skills with way too much panache and I’m embarrassed just to be seen seeing it. Oh gosh and then he smirks at the camera at the end. Does he wink? It feels like he winked.

I wonder if this trailer cost anywhere near the £1 million Ubisoft are paying for another of their trailers. Either way, it’s some flashy stuff.

My real disappointment is that the cut from the beach battle to the indoor raid didn’t swap to lady Eivor. It just seemed like a good setup for it. Ah well, say what I will about the thing, it inspires in me an irresistible need to shout my opinion about it. Look at all these opinions I have. You win, Eivor.

Anyhow, Valhalla launches on November 10th on on the Epic Games Store and the Ubisoft Store. It’s also coming out on your Xbox and PlayStation machines and will be streamable with Google’s Stadia and Amazon’s Luna—Luna on November 10 and Stadia later in the year.

Ubisoft’s other big open world joint Watch Dogs Legion launched this week. They’ve purposely ditched the concept of a frontman for that one, but it feels like this super modern, self-aware trailer would have been more at home in techy London.

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Lauren Morton


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