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Cyberpunk 2077 has too many dildos, will patch some of them out

V's at a bar having a drink and raising a toast to good times.

Unlike the rest of the treehouse, I haven’t been playing that Cyberpunk 2077. Even still, I’ve already heard from many folks that the game is absolutely overflowing with dildos, phallic sex toys of all shapes and sizes erupting from every cyber-nook and hacker-cranny across Night City’s urban futurescape. Well, it seems even CD Project may admit it’s all a bit much, with the developers planning to rein in the “distracting” propagation of plastic dongers.

This disturbing dildo density was spotted by Kotaku, with Nathan Grayson painstakingly cataloguing all the different forms they come in across Cyberpunk’s environments – showing up on street corners, in bins, at the back of restaurants and one that’s even equipable as a weapon, Saints Row style.

Defending the scattering of todgers, senior quest designer Philipp Weber explained that the team wanted Night City to “be pretty open sexually”, a place where “something by today’s standards might be taboo or kinky is very normal and commonplace by 2077 standards.”

It’s a strange attitude, mind. I wouldn’t claim to hang around particularly horny circles myself – but when I think of sexual liberation, I don’t often think of dildos strewn haphazardly like Fallout loot. That, then, may be where the second part of Weber’s argument comes in. Even considering their intent, Cyberpunk’s loot tables may be unintentionally firing out too many dicks even for the sexually open citizens of Night City.

“The second reason for the high amount of dildos in the world is because they can spawn as random loot, and we were still tweaking those settings, so especially during the early reviews, the amount of dildos in the game world was pretty high. We’re going to adjust them so that the dildos don’t appear too out of place/context and distracting and more where they should be by design.”

Weber notes that CDPR will continue to fiddle with the loot numbers until the number of dildos feels more agreeable, and that a recent hotfix may have already helped the problem somewhat. Of course, Cyberpunk launched with a few more pressing issues, the least of which being very real dangly genitals clipping through players’ clothes.

Our Alice Bee reckoned Cyberpunk is a better place if you look up all the time, anyway. That’s largely for the neat skies and avoiding the clipping NPCs, sure, but I’ll tell you something for nothing – there are far fewer willies in the clouds.

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Natalie Clayton

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