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John Walker

5 days ago

Feature: Plop Ten

Steam Charts: Bubbling Trousers Edition

It's another dire old week in Chartland, with the last breaths of the Summer Sale ensuring, with the exception of spots #4 and #5, that all the usual suspects dominate. But we won't let that change us! We're better than this! We're going to have fun anyway!

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2 weeks ago

Feature: Running it into the ground

Steam Charts: Got The Runs Edition

Yes, yes, it's me. I know, I know, but calm down. While it's obviously very exciting to have a celebrity as handsome and excellent as me writing you some Steam Charts, I'm still just a regular ordinary guy underneath it all. I leap into my trousers both legs at once, same as anyone else.

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3 weeks ago

Feature: It's all in bad fun

Steam Charts: Summer Sale Silliness sEdition

If there's one thing that's guaranteed to sweep through the Steam Charts like a giant fart, it's a Steam Sale. Blowing out all the fresh, original or interesting new releases, the mid-year discount warehouse (Junction 45 off the M91) ensures it's a top 10 of games you already bought or decided you don't want to buy. So who is buying them? Baddies. You lot are…

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4 weeks ago

Feature: Trollerant

Steam Charts: Meaningful Effluence Edition

Hello friendly people! Welcome to the always-lovely, always-cheerful soft-play-of-fun-and-hyphens that is Steam Charts! Today we're going to laugh together, learn together, and maybe, just maybe, if we're lucky, laugh and learn a little. Please, pull up a trouser, take a seat (take as many seats as you need - we have too many seats), and prepare to enjoy, laugh, and maybe even learn.

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1 month ago

Feature: Everyone Is Awful

Steam Charts: The Worst Week Ever Edition

I'm declaring it: this is the Worst Week Ever for Steam Charts. And let's face it - this is entirely your fault. If you were a better person, you'd buy better games. But instead you buy the same eight bloody games every bloody week, and then buy a game that isn't even out for over a year. A YEAR! You are awful, and you do…

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Feature: Rhyming slang for cream tarts

Steam Charts: Errant Cardiogram Edition

This week: Rude swears! Writing about more interesting games than the ones you boring people keep buying! And battle advice to people who've been dead 1,800 years! It's some Steam Charts.

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2 months ago

Feature: Dream Farts more like

Steam Charts: Cleft In Twain Edition

Hello person. This is the Steam Charts, the weekly round-up of the top-grossing PC games on the online store Steam. We write it cynically to collect your clicks, and then we take those clicks and we use them to poke innocent orphans in their stupid orphan eyes.

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Feature: Deep Blue Something

Steam Charts: Getting Dishy With The Fishy Edition

WARNING: If you're reading this, there is a very strong chance you're looking at news on your favourite game. Please, it's imperative you click on to discover crucial information.

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3 months ago

Feature: Child Labour

Steam Charts: Blood From A Four-Year-Old Edition

OK, two things on the agenda. Firstly, I'm heading off on my expedition to attempt to break the Curse Of Steam Charts for the next couple of weeks. I'm returning to Ursidae, Caniformia, to find that ancient temple once more and attempt to appease the enraged spirit of Horace. Hopefully we'll never speak again! Secondly, Toby's back! This week's Steam Charts are brought to you…

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Feature: Ah.

Steam Charts: Oh So This Is A Thing Edition

Haha, that was funny last week wasn't it! Remember how we did that whole bit where I had left RPS, but then I was still stuck writing Steam Charts? Heh, they do some good goofs at this site. Anyway, let's... [looks straight into camera]

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Feature: WHAT THE F....

Steam Charts: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO Edition

Hello, and welcome to RPS's weekly round-up of the top selling games on Steam for the last weeeeee... WHAT?

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Feature: Look after the place, will you?

Bye-bye RPS, thanks for having me

Today is my last day at Rock Paper Shotgun. Which is damned weird to type. As I chronicled at quite some length last week, creating RPS was a thing I helped do, along with Alec Meer, Kieron Gillen and Jim Rossignol. It is, in a very not real sense, my baby. It's weird to just walk away from your baby. Except, and see if you…

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Feature: Into The Blue Again

Whispers Of A Machine review

You know what? Sometimes I'm just in the mood for a straightforward point-and-click adventure game. And while I'll admit I thought the opening of Whispers Of A Machine suggested this was going to be a big twist on the format, and was pretty thrilled by where it suggested it might be going, I'm actually all good with how clear-cut it eventually felt to play. Because…

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Feature: Supra hella alchemistic exceptionally creative

Supraland review

I had already decided Supraland was my favourite game of 2019 so far before I noticed it was almost entirely made by one man. If you'd asked me to guess, as I played this 20-hour vast, ingenious, hugely entertaining first-person puzzle game, I'd have said it needed to be a team of at least twenty. The art alone is a squad's job, before you get…

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Feature: Hardly kiss me

Steam Charts: Grand Finale Edition

It has happened. The day spoken of in legend. After two years, I am finally to be set free of the Curse Of Steam Charts. All its taken is entirely leaving my job in four days time to end this purgatory. The only decision left is to whom I shall pass this vexation. That, and how to avoid mentioning the actual games for one more…

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Feature: Fill the earth and subdue it

The Secret History Of Rock Paper Shotgun – Part Five: Money, Politics And Religion

This gloriously self-indulgent deep dive is nearly over. This is the fifth and final part of The Secret History Of Rock Paper Shotgun, an exploration of the first few months of the site based on the emails we sent at the time. You can read parts One, Two, Three and Four, and then dive in below. To finish, this is a more meandering exploration of…

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Feature: Let the waters bring forth swarms of living creatures

The Secret History Of Rock Paper Shotgun – Part Four: Storming, Norming, Performing

We reach Part Four of The Secret History Of Rock Paper Shotgun, a retelling of the first few months of the site, as recalled from the emails at the time. You can read parts One, Two and Three, for chronology's sake. Today, the site has launched! And gosh, we're at each other's throats. Readers start arriving, our reputation starts building, and then we get an…

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Feature: Let the dry land appear

The Secret History Of Rock Paper Shotgun – Part Three: The Professionals

All this week we're revealing The Secret History Of Rock Paper Shotgun, as retold through hazy memories and an archive of the emails the original four founders sent each other at the time. You can read Parts One and Two to achieve some notion of coherence, and then continue on with Part Three below. Today, with a name picked, we race forward with establishing a…

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Feature: Let there be a dome in the midst of the waters

The Secret History Of Rock Paper Shotgun – Part Two: How We Chose Our Name And Where It Got Us

So continues The Secret History Of Rock Paper Shotgun, a textual history of the beginnings of this very website, some twelve years ago. You can read yesterday's Part One here, and probably should, for this to make any sense. This is the origin story of RPS, the tale of how the site came to be, as recalled through the increasingly snarky emails we sent each…

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