Why, what's this? Oh I say, a Steam Charts you say? How intriguing.
Thanks for the memories48
4 months ago
Hi, it's me! Yeah! No, nothing's wrong, all's good. I was just calling to see if you wanted some Steam Charts? ... STEAM CHARTS ... Yeah, that's right. No, no it's not. You don't? Oh, um, I already sent them over.
Hello, I'm high school sweetheart, John Walker. Welcome, if you can, to Steam Charts.
Usually after the Steam summer sale horror show, the Steam Charts offer us some respite in the lull between AAA releases and allow us to celebrate the successful release of a bunch of indie games. But as you'll have noticed if you've looked at 2019, nothing follows the rules of sense and decorum any longer. So it is that last week and this, we've had…
5 months ago
It's never a good sign when Skyrim's back in the Charts. It means mischief is afoot. And not the good kind. In this case, it's Bethesda's Quakecon sale, meaning a whole bunch of the dreariest of usual suspects return to droop our eyelids and weary our souls. And Nier and Flibble Glibble Pants are both on sale yet again. In fact, this week's top 10…
Here's a fascinating fact: Steam Charts has never won an award. I KNOW. If there's nothing else that demonstrates the corruption of the entire system, it's this. High quality, groundbreaking, Woodwardian journalism, are just some of the terms I use to describe this most esteemed of columns. And yet the silverware shelf gathers dust. It's a disgrace.
It's another dire old week in Chartland, with the last breaths of the Summer Sale ensuring, with the exception of spots #4 and #5, that all the usual suspects dominate. But we won't let that change us! We're better than this! We're going to have fun anyway!
Yes, yes, it's me. I know, I know, but calm down. While it's obviously very exciting to have a celebrity as handsome and excellent as me writing you some Steam Charts, I'm still just a regular ordinary guy underneath it all. I leap into my trousers both legs at once, same as anyone else.
6 months ago
If there's one thing that's guaranteed to sweep through the Steam Charts like a giant fart, it's a Steam Sale. Blowing out all the fresh, original or interesting new releases, the mid-year discount warehouse (Junction 45 off the M91) ensures it's a top 10 of games you already bought or decided you don't want to buy. So who is buying them? Baddies. You lot are…
Hello friendly people! Welcome to the always-lovely, always-cheerful soft-play-of-fun-and-hyphens that is Steam Charts! Today we're going to laugh together, learn together, and maybe, just maybe, if we're lucky, laugh and learn a little. Please, pull up a trouser, take a seat (take as many seats as you need - we have too many seats), and prepare to enjoy, laugh, and maybe even learn.
I'm declaring it: this is the Worst Week Ever for Steam Charts. And let's face it - this is entirely your fault. If you were a better person, you'd buy better games. But instead you buy the same eight bloody games every bloody week, and then buy a game that isn't even out for over a year. A YEAR! You are awful, and you do…
This week: Rude swears! Writing about more interesting games than the ones you boring people keep buying! And battle advice to people who've been dead 1,800 years! It's some Steam Charts.
Good hello. Please, grab hold and sit, for this is some Steam Charts.
7 months ago
Hello person. This is the Steam Charts, the weekly round-up of the top-grossing PC games on the online store Steam. We write it cynically to collect your clicks, and then we take those clicks and we use them to poke innocent orphans in their stupid orphan eyes.
WARNING: If you're reading this, there is a very strong chance you're looking at news on your favourite game. Please, it's imperative you click on to discover crucial information.
OK, two things on the agenda. Firstly, I'm heading off on my expedition to attempt to break the Curse Of Steam Charts for the next couple of weeks. I'm returning to Ursidae, Caniformia, to find that ancient temple once more and attempt to appease the enraged spirit of Horace. Hopefully we'll never speak again! Secondly, Toby's back! This week's Steam Charts are brought to you…
8 months ago
Haha, that was funny last week wasn't it! Remember how we did that whole bit where I had left RPS, but then I was still stuck writing Steam Charts? Heh, they do some good goofs at this site. Anyway, let's... [looks straight into camera]
Hello, and welcome to RPS's weekly round-up of the top selling games on Steam for the last weeeeee... WHAT?
Today is my last day at Rock Paper Shotgun. Which is damned weird to type. As I chronicled at quite some length last week, creating RPS was a thing I helped do, along with Alec Meer, Kieron Gillen and Jim Rossignol. It is, in a very not real sense, my baby. It's weird to just walk away from your baby. Except, and see if you…
You know what? Sometimes I'm just in the mood for a straightforward point-and-click adventure game. And while I'll admit I thought the opening of Whispers Of A Machine suggested this was going to be a big twist on the format, and was pretty thrilled by where it suggested it might be going, I'm actually all good with how clear-cut it eventually felt to play. Because…