If you click on a link and make a purchase we may receive a small commission. Read our editorial policy.

Free Loaders: We Didn't Train For This

Special forces were on high alert in Chicago last week after a group of juegoterrorists hijacked a train bound for San Francisco and spent 52 hours coding dangerous and seditious games. Many of the games were later unleashed on an unsuspecting public for free, causing widespread panic and security alerts across the globe. It is estimated over 100 suspects were apprehended upon arrival in San Fransisco but so far only one of them has spoken a word to police officials. "I have become death," he said. "The destroyer of worlds." It is believed all 100 suspects are suffering from shock.

Looking for more free games? Check out our round up of the best free PC games that you can download and play right now.

Definitely Not Human Bodies by Björn Albihn, João Guerra and Jonatan Crafoord

This is how everyone should be cremated.

Robo brawler for multiple players where each robot must transport multiple soft, squishy black bags of matter which are definitely not human bodies from one end of a factory to another, avoiding each other and a giant piston that can crush them.  The winner is whoever gathers the most Not Bodies from the dispenser (the pipe with "STAND HERE RECEIVE THING" printed beneath) and offers them into the pipe on the opposite side of the room. One part TerRover, one part Gang Beasts, this is ripe for expansion. The difficulty of controlling your robo buddy (using one stick for the left wheels, the other for the right) only adds to the farce. I laughed harsh and loud when my little red bot spilled all the black bags he was carrying out of his adorable scooper and helplessly chased them as they rolled around the factory floor like errant cocktail sausages.

Landslide McQueen by Baer Town

This is how everyone should approach life in general.

McQueen needs to get to work. Obviously, the most efficient way to achieve this is to slide down the hill in the middle of the city, catching air on a nearby ramp and knocking as many people over as he can on the way down. Chain a highscore together and knock those losers in brown suits into each other to double your score for each sucker you wipe out. Watch with glee as you tumble into the park railings at the bottom like a rubber toy and your briefcase full of cash splits open and spills its sweet green dollars everywhere. This is the leaderboard for the game and I am completely baffled as to how these scores are occurring. Please investigate, because I am too busy knocking schmucks over.

Pong Pong by Brian Intile

This is how normal tennis should work.

The game that Pong should have been. Every time a ball bounces off a paddle it duplicates another ball, which in turn becomes two more balls when struck, which both become two more balls, and so on, until the black void is full of tiny white squares flying back and forth and the screen is shaking like a motorcycle engine with the force of your strikes and the paddles are struggling to keep up with the pressure and you cannot even see which balls you should strike because the intensity of the situation is untenable, a ball-strewn, screen-quaking nightmare and you are laughing with your opponent, laughing with fear, laughing out of madness, laughing because you are losing 52 points to 11 and the only way to escape this black and white terror is to miss all the balls and let them disappear into the black until the laughter dies and you can hang your head and stand up and walk away in heavy, humbled shame. Pong Pong.

Dangerous Warnings by OnlySlightly

This is how buildings should get made.

Health and safety gone mad. Create your own danger signs by catching the falling words and phrases and sticking them to your signpost like a student with naughty fridge magnets. Then click submit to see what the game has to say about your dire warnings. There are only a limited set of words to choose from but if you press 'K' you will get many more words. You should press 'K'.

Courier Cowboy by Alon Karmi

This is what all fonts should do while you are not looking.

Western duel for two players. One half of the keyboard belongs to you, the other half to your opponent. Wait for the prompt to appear and hit the letter key or symbol to shoot your foe down like a dog. Heavily inspired by the lowercase 'i' of the Courier font, which I agree is an excellent character. The cowboy names are all randomly generated as well, which adds some more fun to the showdown. I highly recommend each player begins with their hands on their hips, as opposed to hovering over the keyboard. Post-murder swagger is optional.

食べモンスター (TABEMONSTER!) by Andreas Møller Thomsen, Anne Juhler Hansen, Jákup Klein & Jon Aschberg

This is literally how I eat.

Eat everything, including the world. As a fat man with rosy cheeks you must devour anything and everything that comes your way, flying (as food often does) right towards your face. Use both control sticks on a game pad to control the direction and pitch of the TABEMONSTER, and gobble as much as possible to win. There is no score, you just eat and you win, like in reality. Chow down on burgers and sausages to begin with before graduating to pandas, whales and Egyptian pyramids. Become a winner today: eat things.

Arachne by PNJeffries

This is the most common cause of death for '@' symbols.

Arachnophobic roguelike. Instead of going room to room, tile by tile, you navigate this ditty web to web, thread by thread. Everything rouguelike remains, except with the powers of a spider you can manipulate the state of the web itself, firing new threads to connect from one node to another. One power collected along the way lets you snip threads, separating you and the nasty red font pursuing you around the webs. Another allows you to attack them outright, another increases the range of your webslinging. It's even possible to bring the whole web down by chopping it to bits, the perfect arachnid architecture buckling under your manipulations. Reach the small dark crack at the far end of each level to progress. A challenging, simple and refreshing take on a classic genre. Well done, spider people.

La Culture Physique by lazerwalker

This is dumb.

Exercise is important for ladies of 1920s France. Do some exercise. C'est super.

Rock Paper Shotgun is the home of PC gaming

Sign in and join us on our journey to discover strange and compelling PC games.

Related topics
About the Author
Brendan Caldwell avatar

Brendan Caldwell

Former Features Editor

Brendan likes all types of games. To him there is wisdom in Crusader Kings 2, valour in Dark Souls, and tragicomedy in Nidhogg.