Drag Racing: LocoCycle

There are times when the wait for a port can be more agonising for a PC enthusiast than it was for the passengers aboard Explorer of the Seas. And then there are the times when the wait is for the best. LocoCycle, from Splosion Man developers Twisted Pixel, looked like it might be a satisfyingly bizarre combat racing game. The story of an engineer being dragged behind an artificially intelligent motorbike (really), its live action sequences, starring the likes of Freddy Rodriguez and Tom Savini, looked as self aware as the titular vehicle. Reviews suggested otherwise, ranging from disappointment at the shoddy action to dismay at the quality of writing and humour. On February 14th, you can find out for yourself when the PC port arrives.

Considering the fact that there is an evil AI bike voiced by Robert Patrick and another bike in pursuit that knows kung fu, that's an extraordinarily low-key trailer. It's the tamest rogue bike mechanic-drag film I've ever seen.

Let's see how LocoCycle plays in an official trailer.

In retrospect, it's hard to tell if the first thirty seconds or so are due to embarrassment about the game or about the Bone. Either way, the long reveal and retro graphics gag serve the purpose of delaying the actual in-game footage. It doesn't look great when it arrives.

Here's a Giant Bomb Quick Look, which confirms that the cutscenes ramble on and on, and are then replaced by QTEs and unconvincing combos.

I know what I'll be doing this Valentine's Day!

I'll be tipping the postman for making the effort to deliver such a large sack of messages from my many admirers.