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Every single version of V in Cyberpunk 2077 dresses like a drunk toddler

It's me, V, the big-time merc with the big-time trousers

Most of us have been playing Cyberpunk 2077 over the weekend. It is, as you have no doubt heard by now, a good but flawed game. One of those flaws is in the clothing/armour inventory system. While we all envisaged that we would dress like how the 80s imagined futuristic motorbike-riding, drug-snorting, sex-having hacker rock stars, this is not the case. Because buying clothes is quite expensive, and the clothes are also tied to your armour rating, everyone is just wearing whichever combination of random junk looted from corpses gives them the most protection.

An additional problem is that actually a lot of the individual items in the Cyberpunk Winter 20/21 collection are very strong, so virtually every piece is a statement piece by itself. This means the reality of literally every single V screenshot I have seen is less 'cool-with-LED-lights-sewn-on jackets' and more 'I am letting my two-year-old dress themselves to avoid tantrums in the morning'. We therefore invite you to peruse RPS's own catalogue of fashion failures, and vote for your favourite on our catwalk of futuristic shame.

Click to embiggen any of the pictures for closer perusal

Party At The Front, Business At The Back - Graham

Graham's V is wearing a black mini-skirt, ankle high brown booties, and a heavy duty red and black armoured vest. She has pick and red hair in an asymmetrical bob cut.

Graham: I spent most of the game in an incredibly basic outfit, using clothes I found (or already owned?) in the first couple of hours. Which is also my style in real life. I just looked in my inventory, and I had some clothes with better armour stats, and they do make me look worse.

Soho Normcore - Imogen

Imogen's V strides down the street in hightop laced boots with pointed toes, shin high baggy denim trousers, a two-tone black tee shirt, and a silver lamé crop jacket with leopard print lining
Imogen: My V just looks like some boring-ass gang member with pointy elf combat boots. She wishes she was dressed like the man to her right.

Utilicombat Yellow - Alice0

Alice0's V has a yellow and purple striped beanie hat, a big yellow jacket with the sleeves pushed to the elbow, and big grey combat trousers with black pockets all the way up the sides. They're sewn on the side with big grey straps

Alice0: I have been wearing the same hideous striped hat and mock-scale vest for about 12 hours, because they have crit mods I've not managed to replace and that trumps armour in my build. The rest is just whatever I found most recently with a big number. These horrible trousers sadly replace a pair of my own stylish trousers - someone else in the world, somehow, had their own, sturdier pair of "V's Trousers". Who were they, and how did they get my trousers? I'll never know, because I only realised I had them when clearing out inventory later. Somewhere in Night City, my biggest stalker/soulmate/tailor/groupie is lying dead in the gutter with their bum out.

Lamé My Way - Ollie

Ollie's V is lying in a cool pose, leaning on one elbow. She is in a gold Lamé leggings with black accent patches on the thighs, black and white trainers, and a black t-shirt under a black armoured vest. She also has a combined cap/face mask that appears to be inspired by samurai mempo masks

Ollie: "Paint me like one of your Darth Vader wannabe girls."

My Other Car Is Steam Powered - Alice Bee

A screenshot of my V - the one from the header image - but now doing a kind of action pose pretending to crouch and shoot at something. Here we can see the sleeveless jacket is paired with skin-tight silver sequinned trousers, and knee-high grey plastic boots with wedge heels.

Alice Bee: My V is a tale of two halves. Waist down, the silver trousers and massive knee-high boots with wedge heels say "I'm a hardcore bitch from the future as designed by the recent past and I'm here to fuck you up - with style!".

Waist up, however, the 'vintage' Samurai tour t-shirt (which she bought from a street vendor for thousands of eddies because it had three times the defensive qualities of anything else she had), trilby, and fucking goggles say "You have probably run into me at Download and I am literally the worst person you will ever meet in your life."

The Motorbike Cop - Colm

Colm's V, in a standing action pose pointing a pistol, is in black denim jeans, brown leather boots that kind of look like cowboy boots, and a very bright blue patterned dress shirt. On top of this is the red and black armoured vest many of our V's favour, while on his head he wears a helmet with tiger stripes, and a chunky industrial purple and green face mask.

Colm: Before Alice asked me to take a screenshot of my V for this article, I genuinely didn't have a clue what I was wearing or what it looked like.

Rainbow Might - Katharine

Katharine's V has on yellow and red shoes that resemble a special edition of Converse high tops. Above them is a pair of black and green baggy trousers that look like they're made out of a tent. These are paired with a black striped shirt, purple waistcoat and green tie. On top of this is thrown a kind of overcoat - sleeveless, in tiger print that fades from blue to pink, and belted at the waist.

Katharine: I don't think I can defend this monstrous concoction. My only statement is this: Hello, fashion police? I'd like to report a crime.

The funniest thing about all this is that Ollie has just explained to us that "armour is negligible in Cyberpunk. Every 10 points of armour lowers the DPS you take by 1, roughly. That's nothing." So we could probably just all wear whatever we wanted all the time anyway.

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Alice Bell avatar

Alice Bell

Deputy Editor

Small person powered by tea and books; RPS's dep ed since 2018. Send her etymological facts and cool horror or puzzle games.