Delightful pre-E3 news has just arrived from the Microsoft bunker. The Kinect will be attached to all future versions of Windows 8, which will in turn be attached to every PC in the world through the magic of Cloud-based infiltration. Empty your recycle bin by performing complex semaphore! Attempt to discover the start button by cartwheeling around your front room, or scratching your head and rubbing your tummy at the same time!
That would be horrible. Thankfully it's a load of old cobblers. The news that has emerged in the form of an excitable trailer is that preposterous zombie smasher Dead Rising 3 is coming to your PC this summer. You already knew that though because of the headline.
This is grand. I hadn't intended to buy an Xbox One until there were at least three or four exclusives that were desirable enough to justify owning yet another under-the-telly machine. Dead Rising was the first and only game on the list, and I think there's a very good chance that the console will cost about 50p by the time I feel the need to bite the bullet.
I love Dead Rising because it's a seriously clever (if occasionally frustrating) piece of design wearing a daft costume, which is precisely how I feel whenever I have to go to a formal function. Given some of the technical issues on the console version, the PC port should be the definitive version.