Fallout games may be grim, but even the wasteland doesn't usually let you harm children. Thank goodness for mods, right? One particular Fallout 3 mod lets players with the cannibal perk gobble down an infant in the The Pitt DLC, which one of my favorite speedrunners has endeavored to do in under 20 minutes. Why on earth would he want to speed eat a baby? It's more wholesome than you think, actually.
Speedrunner Tomatoanus of 11 minute Cyberpunk sex fame—and plenty of other feats—is the creator of this silly speedrun. He's challenged himself to find an infant called Baby Marie in the Fallout 3 The Pitt DLC and pull a big bad wolf on her ASAP. That wouldn't usually be possible, but a mod called Acquired Immunity lets valut dwellers with the cannibal perk choose to eat the baby instead of stealing her from her crib. Both pretty dastardly, honestly.
Here's the video in which Tomatoanus explains the various tricks he's doing like clipping through walls, level skipping, and stop hopping. You might learn something. I always do!
Tomatoanus is one of my favorite speedrunners. He clearly explains all of the tricks in his runs. He's got a voice that's easy to listen to. He tells jokes. In this particular video, he takes an entire verbal detour from the run itself to give a pep talk about speedrunning.
Since Tomatoanus invented the eat a baby speedrun, he made up six silly rules as its requirements. It's not really about the rules though. "This run is highly unlikely to ever get an official leaderboard on speedrun.com and I have zero interest in it ever having one," Tomatoanus says. "Leaderboards aren't required for you to do speedruns. If there's a run you think would be fun or funny, then go ahead and do it."
He emphasises that anyone interested in speedrunning should do what sounds like fun to them, whether it's competing on the leaderboards in popular categories or making up their own silly runs like eating babies. What a nice message for an extremely horrific goal!
By the time it's all fed and done, Tomatoanus clocks the run in at 18:51. I suppose that's technically the world record time, right? Unless some other intrepid cannibal chooses to challenge him.
If you want to hear some more Tomato wisdom, he has other fun runs like having sex with everyone in Fallout New Vegas and speedrunning the entire Fallout anthology. This has been a casual Friday post, a thing I too have just invented the rules for.