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  1. #1
    Moderator alms's Avatar
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    The funny Internet comments thread

    Rules:

    #1 Do not be mean.
    #2 We all know how to use google, thanks, so to avoid making this too easy, please post screenshots and remove information that can be used to dig up the original
    #3 Do not be mean. (see #1)



    Under a DIY tutorial:



    "GOOD WORK ruining my life as a consumer FOREVER, you JERKS."

    (I find this particularly funny because I often use caps in the same way, but ironically, usually while doing an impression.)
    Last edited by alms; 20-07-2017 at 11:33 PM.
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  2. #2
    Lesser Hivemind Node gordianblot's Avatar
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    No context needed:

    Quote Originally Posted by Some Crazy
    My favorite Ted Cruz story is the time he tried to lay his egg sacs in a tree that was just too young. Thing was, he couldnt inject the eggs deep enough into the tree and the tree didnt have the kind of mature bark you need to protect the eggs from predators. Well, wouldnt you know it, this goon spends nearly all July digging at this tree with his mandibles and slugging these eggs down through his proboscis into the flesh of the tree and hes proud about it, rubbing his hind legs together and making this sickening whirring noise the whole time. He gets finished and perches himself on a branch to shed his skin and this Blue Jay, just a common Blue Jay comes over and just immediately gets to work pecking at the tree where millions of his eggs were and poof, just like that, a summers work is gone. Cruz is furious, were all laughing, it was great times. Hell of a stinger though on that little freak.

  3. #3
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus Gus_Smedstad's Avatar
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    Isn't making fun of internet comments inherently mean?

    Also, I'm 93.4% sure that "Some Crazy" wasn't crazy, but just running with a hilarious "Ted Cruz is a parasitic insect" metaphor. I'm afraid you've fallen victim to Poe's Law ("sufficiently advanced sarcasm is indistinguishable from genuine crazy.")

    Sorry I can't immediately contribute. Haven't seen anything sufficiently funny in comments recently, though I'm sure something will come along.

  4. #4
    Moderator alms's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gus_Smedstad View Post
    Isn't making fun of internet comments inherently mean?
    If it's involuntarily funny and you're not singling the author out or being an intolerable (smug) prick about it, then it's not mean, that's my take. (Being an intolerable (smug) prick or singling people out for embarrassment is a reportable offense, IMO.)

    Plenty of blogs have followed this format successfully, is my understanding.

    Did you happen to feel my post was mean? To me, its passive aggressiveness towards the world at large (it's not just reproaching the author, it's ALL of THEM jerk-peoples!, although of course that just makes the author the latest simpleton in a long string, to ever pull this stupid, inferior hack again, which has completely tanked the market for the CHEAPEST SAFEFEST - they should be teaching this under the chapter MARKET FAILURES, those FIAT MONEY PRINTING EGGHEADS), while sounding almost completely wrong about everything, was the first layer of fun.
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  5. #5
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    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped..._f_131r_3..jpg

    Usable in place of /S or other sarcasm memes in various internet settings.



    Arguably, this is the original .gif meme, centuries before the internet was even conceived of.
    Last edited by Insignus; 21-07-2017 at 04:09 AM.

  6. #6
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus Matt_W's Avatar
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    This isn't a specific comment, but I started running into comments by a reddit account called NoRelevancy. This redditor usually posts deep in a comment thread about some topic with a complete and completely banal non-sequitur. And every time I see it, I snort whatever I'm drinking through my nose. Utterly hilarious, but only in the context of the heated reddit threads in which these comments are embedded.

    For instance (one among very many), in a thread under r/Jokes entitled "I told my boyfriend we could watch a porn for his birthday and do everything that we saw in the video.... [NSFW]" and in a comment thread about a pizza guy ejaculating all over a pizza, NoRelevancy posts:

    You know what? I don't have any muffins to eat for breakfast tommorow morning. I only have cereal. I'm a little disappointed, but cereal is pretty good too.
    These are way more fun to just encounter in context rather than look at the account. And I confess I've run into them more often than I probably should have.

  7. #7
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus Gus_Smedstad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alms View Post
    Did you happen to feel my post was mean?
    Only to the degree that poking fun at stupid and/or crazy is to a certain degree mean. Not really mean, but the sort of minor meanness we can all get behind. Except for saints, those sanctimonious pricks.

    I only mentioned it because you did emphasize the rule against meanness so strongly, and it seems impossible to combine that directive with the purpose of the thread. It was mostly by way of a joke, and I hadn't intended you to take it as a serious rebuke.

  8. #8
    Lesser Hivemind Node gordianblot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gus_Smedstad View Post
    Isn't making fun of internet comments inherently mean?

    Also, I'm 93.4% sure that "Some Crazy" wasn't crazy, but just running with a hilarious "Ted Cruz is a parasitic insect" metaphor. I'm afraid you've fallen victim to Poe's Law ("sufficiently advanced sarcasm is indistinguishable from genuine crazy.")

    Sorry I can't immediately contribute. Haven't seen anything sufficiently funny in comments recently, though I'm sure something will come along.
    No, he obviously means that Ted Cruz is literally an insect. He said it in an internet post.

    Anyway, I take the "Don't be mean" rule exactly like the "Don't aim for anyone's face" rule in dodgeball. Everyone is aiming for the face; just don't get carried away.

  9. #9
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus Gus_Smedstad's Avatar
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    Effing dodgeball. Bane of my middle school years.

  10. #10
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus EPICTHEFAIL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gus_Smedstad View Post
    Effing dodgeball. Bane of my middle school years.
    A game always improved massively by houseruling extra points for particularly awesome/funny ways of getting taken out. Like deliberately getting hit so you can punch the ball into someone's face. Or trying and failing a dodge roll. Or sneakily smuggling an extra ball in and pretending not to notice that both sides are throwing simultaneously and accidentally nailing someone on your own side.

    Primary school PE was great before we had to switch to boring crap like basketball and volleyball.
    Also known as ATrifleMiffed

  11. #11
    Moderator alms's Avatar
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    - -



    - -

    "But I'm no stalker dood!"



    (I hope they just happen to live in a small, small town)

    Interpretations of a song containing the line "you can run, but you cannot hide".
    Last edited by alms; 23-07-2017 at 01:24 AM.
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  12. #12
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus Gus_Smedstad's Avatar
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    Scary Terry: You can run, but you can't hide, bitch!
    Rick: Hold on, Morty. You know what? He keeps saying we can run but we can't hide. I say we try hiding.
    Morty: But that's the opposite of what he said!
    Rick: Yeah, well, since when are we taking this guy's advice on anything?

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by alms View Post
    Interpretations of a song containing the line "you can run, but you cannot hide".
    If you stop and think about it, the song "Every breath you take" by The Police is Stalky as all hell.

    I never did, growing up hearing it on the radio going down the highway. Then I stopped and thought on it once. Song never sounded the same afterwards.

    Last edited by Insignus; 23-07-2017 at 06:14 AM.

  14. #14
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus LordShadoko's Avatar
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    With the name of the band, I always assumed this song was about a cop warning a guy who is about to break the law.
    Last edited by LordShadoko; 23-07-2017 at 03:49 PM.
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  15. #15
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus Gus_Smedstad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Insignus View Post
    If you stop and think about it, the song "Every breath you take" by The Police is Stalky as all hell.
    Oh, no question. Apparently, Sting jotted it down, and only afterward belatedly realized how dark it was.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sting
    It sounds like a comforting love song. I didn't realize at the time how sinister it is. I think I was thinking of Big Brother, surveillance and control.

    I think the song is very, very sinister and ugly and people have actually misinterpreted it as being a gentle little love song, when it's quite the opposite.
    I don't think I really thought about the lyrics until the early 90's.

    As long as we're on this tangent, there's the more-intentionally-stalker song I Don't Want To Know by the Donnas. The song mentions restraining orders, for frig's sake.

  16. #16
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus Heliocentric's Avatar
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    Most love songs sound more like stalkers than reciprocal affection, tinged with suicide threats *I can't live without you*. ORLY?
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  17. #17
    Moderator alms's Avatar
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    Fact is, if the lyrics are abstract enough, most people are going to assume it's a love song, because that's what most pop songs are about, or so Nick Horby once postulated IIRC?

    It's no good by Depeche Mode is very easy to take as the prototypical abusive situation that so often leads to women being molested and sometimes even maimed or killed, even though other interpretations have been suggested.

    It's ...dark, at least potentially (one sure hopes nobody has been hurt over the song being taken at face value), and yet I find the third comment amusing nonetheless, as it shows the author second guessing themselves, despite going through this absolutely unreal theory of mental machinations to justify that the two ought to have been together. Cherry on top is the fact that he knows details about her love life.

    It's also relatable, I'm sure lots have been in the situation of being more or less incapable of letting go of a person even though things wouldn't work out: actually, it's not hard to actually second guess oneself the other way and find rationalizations for their not letting go.

    Speaking more generally, I'm not sure whether one should automatically accept the writer's take on a song - take for instance Blackbird by the Beatles, which was viewed by some to be a song in support of black civil rights, and seemingly McCartney played along by claiming that that was the exact intended meaning, whereas in other instances he had flown much lower (pardon the pun).

    Also, as one friend once warned me, sometimes you shouldn't just put too much thought into lyrics, as musicians just happen to write words on paper to fit the music without too much of a plan.

    Quote Originally Posted by Heliocentric View Post
    Most love songs sound more like stalkers than reciprocal affection, tinged with suicide threats *I can't live without you*. ORLY?
    Funny thing, I seem to recall reading an absolutely lovely comment about The Smiths' There is a Light that Never Goes Out, problem is I wasn't able to dig it up and had to resort to this song instead.

    Apparently a song in which the speaking voice wishes to be killed in a freak car accident, having somehow lost their place at home and being unable confess their feelings to the person they love, can still be taken as a straight love song.

    There was this cool detail about the couple listening to the song together and missing the undertones (can you call them that?) by miles. With love doing real weird stuff to brains, I'm not passing judgment:

    I, for one, sang along, with my fiancee-to-be, to an absolutely not happy, not love song, while not paying extreme attention to the actual meaning of the lyrics. What can I say, we both loved that song nevertheless and it was a bonding moment, that the song was what it was, just slipped into the background.
    Last edited by alms; 23-07-2017 at 07:41 PM.
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  18. #18
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus Heliocentric's Avatar
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    Them emotions are just drugs! We need to regulate them, like Warren G would.
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  19. #19
    Secondary Hivemind Nexus Xercies's Avatar
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    It can also go the other way though, the song there she goes:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZXLLMbJdZ4

    People kept on saying must of been about drugs until the singer just said "no its just a silly love song"

  20. #20
    Moderator alms's Avatar
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    Clearly what the song was about all along is the rush that the faith in God gives!

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