Feature: A non-zero quantity of kings
It's that time of the year when joyless, faintly plastic robots insist that you forego the few pleasures January has to offer, calling you a big lazy drunk and demanding you join their dull, weight-obsessed ranks. But not here, friends! This is where we find new joy. It's Unknown Pleasures.This week we finish off the knock-off Baileys with button-mashing Empire management, queer aristocratic romance, and…