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1 week ago

Feature: Chart it good

Steam Charts: I Was On Holiday Last Week Edition

I, Alice Bee, have returned from a week off and everything has changed. Matt is in the office now, and complained about having to get up at 8.15am. This complaint made me furious and I am telling everyone. My desk has been moved. There is no milk in the fridge. I am confused, and I can't remember all the HTML codes to write this very…

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2 weeks ago

Feature: Cyberian Desert

Steam Charts: Do U Cyber Edition

Beep boop. I am the SteamChartBot, and welcome to the CYBERCHARTS. They're like the regular charts, but they have the word "CYBER" shouted at the start, and that makes them really bloody cool.

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1 month ago

Feature: The Runs Down

Steam Charts: Sexy AF Edition

QUICKLY! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, QUICKLY! I've written the charts and there are some jokes and you have to read it! One of the jokes is quite good!

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Feature: Now feat. even more fish!

Steam Charts: Aquatic Craniate Edition

There are weeks when the Steam Charts surprise us! There are weeks when interesting new and old games reappear, pushing out the dreary regulars! And then mostly there are weeks like this one, where it's so depressingly bland that it starts raining outside the moment you glance at it. Not good rain, just bland drizzle.

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2 months ago

3 months ago

Feature: Finally some expertise

Steam Charts: Flibble Glibble Pants Edition

Daddy: Hey Toby, can I get your help with some work please? Toby: OK, but they might be disappointed I'm a cat. This week on Steam Charts, my three-year-old son tells us all about the top ten grossing games on Steam.

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Feature: Shadow Of Their Former Self Charts

Steam Charts: Reshuffle Edition

Take last week's Steam Charts, give them a little shuffle, and then breathe out a long, despondent sigh. Oh, and then entirely randomly add an Early Access racing sim. And then start sighing again, and never, ever stop.

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Feature: New Entry Bonanza!

Steam Charts: Crikey! Edition

I imagine in direct response to all my moaning insightful criticism, everyone in the world has upped their game and started buying some more interesting games from Steam. Such that this week's Steam Charts, with an extraordinary four new entries, barely resembles those of the last couple of months! Hurrah! And you clickbait won't believe clickbait where Playerunknown's Battlegrounds falls this week! CLICKBAIT!

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4 months ago

Feature: Everyone is dreadful

Steam Charts: Morbidly Repetitive Edition

Thank God you're here. Listen, I don't want to over-hype things, but this might be the most essential and life-changing article you ever read. Because if you only click through to read this, you will LITERALLY find out the top ten (nine) grossing games on Steam last week, and seriously, if you bought one of them, you will feel so bloody validated.

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Feature: Steamy Windows

Steam Charts: Stale Blood Edition

The grim effects of the Steam Summer Sale are finally wearing off, and we've got a bunch of new entries this week! Along with, of course, the usual hoary old guard of dreary regulars. So hold my hand as I guide you through the most exciting article of your life.

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Feature: Monstrous

Steam Charts: Entirely Original Edition

OK! OK! Look, thank you, yes, yes, I know, thank you. Yes, it's very exciting that I'm here with this week's Steam Charts, but come on, please, sit down now, that's really enough. Oh, come on, all of you, you're lovely, but it's only little me. Goodness gracious!

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Feature: Recharted territory

Steam Charts: Life Changing Edition

Welcome to the Award Winning Steam Charts! Yes, you heard that right! I wrote "Award Winning"! It hasn't technically won any awards, but since everyone can agree it should have, it seems like it would almost be lying not to write it. But enough about how bloody brilliant I am, here are the top grossing games on your Steams this week.

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5 months ago

Feature: It's no one's fault but your own

Steam Charts: There Are Consequences Edition

Words are ill-equipped to describe how dull this week's Steam Charts truly are. Read on to see how I combat that. But also, thank goodness there's at least the interesting feature that Plunkbat has, for the first time since it shot to the top of the charts on its release, dropped to third place. Its year-long grip on the top spot was beginning to waver…

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Feature: Steamy Windows

Steam Charts: Moderately Entertaining Edition

Hello! Goodness me, it's good to have you with us. If you're reading this sentence on Steam, then I simply implore you to click through to the site to read what has been described by Simon Pulitzer as "the greatest games journalism the world has ever been blessed to receive."

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Feature: Update Night

Has GTA Online been improved by its updates?

Update Night is a fortnightly column in which Rich McCormick revisits games to find out whether they've been changed for better or worse. I’ve only been in Los Santos a day and I’ve already been taken advantage of by a greedy CEO. Welcome to modern America, I guess.

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Feature: Something's fishy

Steam Charts: Perfectly Normal Edition

Welcome to my nightmares. As chronicled last week, all human progress is wiped out by a Steam Sale. Where once we were a species that revelled in new, interesting ideas, pursuing our dreams, we are once more wedged neck-deep in the past, doomed to buy the same £40 five-year-old games until we rot and coagulate into a molten horror. Welcome to the Steam Charts!

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Feature: Set sale for savings!!!!!!!!!

Steam Charts: Stale Of The Century Edition

I have reached a conclusion. Everything that's bad is the fault of Steam sales. Two weeks ago these charts had reached a place of being a fertile ground of interesting new games and discounted classics. Today, they're back to being mostly a miserably predictable list of games that even the undiscovered tribes of Papua New Guinea have on their Steam accounts.

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6 months ago

Feature: Welcome... to Jurassic charts!

Steam Charts: the past returns to life in summer sale

Hallo! Me again, filling in (slightly late) while John is handcuffed to a steering wheel for other duties. The Steam Charts were all shook up (mm mm mmh!) last week by the launch of Steam's summer sale, including propelling a lump of hardware into the top ten for the first time in ages. A number of older games have rocketed back too, boosted by sale…

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7 months ago

Feature: Chart Flipping

Steam Charts: Flipping Great Edition

A pleasingly fresh collection of games dominating the top ten Steam moneymakers this week, along with the shock absence of Counter-Strike: GO! No shocks at the #1 spot, but a couple of surprising appearances in the top 5.

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