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Total War: Three Kingdoms

Total War: Three Kingdoms review

Where Total War meets Crusader Kings

62

4 months ago

Feature: A lighthouse in the bleak horror of reality

Steam Charts: Silly String Edition

Usually after the Steam summer sale horror show, the Steam Charts offer us some respite in the lull between AAA releases and allow us to celebrate the successful release of a bunch of indie games. But as you'll have noticed if you've looked at 2019, nothing follows the rules of sense and decorum any longer. So it is that last week and this, we've had…

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Feature: Cream Sharts

Steam Charts: Carpathian Edition

Here's a fascinating fact: Steam Charts has never won an award. I KNOW. If there's nothing else that demonstrates the corruption of the entire system, it's this. High quality, groundbreaking, Woodwardian journalism, are just some of the terms I use to describe this most esteemed of columns. And yet the silverware shelf gathers dust. It's a disgrace.

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Feature: Plop Ten

Steam Charts: Bubbling Trousers Edition

It's another dire old week in Chartland, with the last breaths of the Summer Sale ensuring, with the exception of spots #4 and #5, that all the usual suspects dominate. But we won't let that change us! We're better than this! We're going to have fun anyway!

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5 months ago

Feature: Running it into the ground

Steam Charts: Got The Runs Edition

Yes, yes, it's me. I know, I know, but calm down. While it's obviously very exciting to have a celebrity as handsome and excellent as me writing you some Steam Charts, I'm still just a regular ordinary guy underneath it all. I leap into my trousers both legs at once, same as anyone else.

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Feature: It's all in bad fun

Steam Charts: Summer Sale Silliness sEdition

If there's one thing that's guaranteed to sweep through the Steam Charts like a giant fart, it's a Steam Sale. Blowing out all the fresh, original or interesting new releases, the mid-year discount warehouse (Junction 45 off the M91) ensures it's a top 10 of games you already bought or decided you don't want to buy. So who is buying them? Baddies. You lot are…

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Feature: Everyone Is Awful

Steam Charts: The Worst Week Ever Edition

I'm declaring it: this is the Worst Week Ever for Steam Charts. And let's face it - this is entirely your fault. If you were a better person, you'd buy better games. But instead you buy the same eight bloody games every bloody week, and then buy a game that isn't even out for over a year. A YEAR! You are awful, and you do…

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Feature: Rhyming slang for cream tarts

Steam Charts: Errant Cardiogram Edition

This week: Rude swears! Writing about more interesting games than the ones you boring people keep buying! And battle advice to people who've been dead 1,800 years! It's some Steam Charts.

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6 months ago

Feature: Dream Farts more like

Steam Charts: Cleft In Twain Edition

Hello person. This is the Steam Charts, the weekly round-up of the top-grossing PC games on the online store Steam. We write it cynically to collect your clicks, and then we take those clicks and we use them to poke innocent orphans in their stupid orphan eyes.

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Feature: Against the dying of the charts

Steam Charts: rats, rage, rain, and rending

Our former John (RPS in peace) has vanished in odd circumstances, last heard claiming he'll be flying through the sky in a big metal snake, so I'm taking over this week. Not even an employee anymore and he's still making work for me. Join me for a stroll down the hit parade to inspect last week's top-selling games on Steam.

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Feature: Deep Blue Something

Steam Charts: Getting Dishy With The Fishy Edition

WARNING: If you're reading this, there is a very strong chance you're looking at news on your favourite game. Please, it's imperative you click on to discover crucial information.

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10 months ago

Feature: Don't Attila me

These are the Total War team’s favourite ever Total War factions

According to an ancient Sussex proverb, there are as many factions in the 20-year-old Total War series as there are sand grains on a beach, as there are angels dancing upon the head of a pin, as there are grenadiers in the armies of his Imperial Majesty Napoleon I, Emperor of the French, King of Italy, Protector of the Confederation of the Rhine, Co-Prince of…

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Feature: Bulls in a China shop

Three hours in Total War: Three Kingdoms, the first Total War soap opera

Once about people in the aggregate, Total War is increasingly a series about the antics of individuals. There's something of the slippage from RTS to MOBA in how Creative Assembly has edged towards a more intimate breed of strategy, built around asymmetrical relationships between overdressed oddballs rather than mere economic considerations or the splash of army on army. Total Warhammer is the obvious play-maker there,…

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1 year ago

Feature: Trust no one

Betrayal, battles and bromance in Total War: Three Kingdoms

Let me tell you about Ed and Peter. Those aren't their real names, because they don't have any. When I spoke to Creative Assembly’s development and communications manager Al Bickham, he didn't give any to the hypothetical heroes he used to explain how relationships work in the upcoming Total War: Three Kingdoms. He did explain that one of them might be trying to kill you.

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Feature: Dinner and a Movie of the Three Kingdoms

Total War: Three Kingdoms’ battle tactics are old hat, but its espionage has promise

“Spearmen before archers,” I mutter to myself, as the Gamescom build for Creative Assembly's Total War: Three Kingdoms spins up. “Spearmen before archers.” In 20 years of playing Total War games set everywhere and when, from feudal Japan to medieval Europe, that magic mantra has never steered me wrong: it's the equivalent of “i before e except in c”, or “always hit the treasure chest…

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Feature: Guanxi good thing

What Total War: Three Kingdoms is learning from its Warhammer cousins (and Crusader Kings II)

They’re climbing the walls. Hundreds of tiny warriors are using grappling hooks to scale the stone barriers of a Chinese settlement, as I look down on the battlefield from my perch at E3. I bite my lip and pretend to know what I’m doing. Yes, swordsmen, through the breach. Spear dudes, down the middle. Grappling hook men, up you go. Only stinky Romans use anything…

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