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Get Pissed: Crypt World: Your Darkest Desires

This morning someone rated my piss. I was just minding my business when a nice man in a rather broad hat stated that he was a 'Piss Maniac' and that he would very much like to 'rate my piss'. So I obliged him by pissing in the toilet next to him (I was very pleased at the angle and direction of my piss, as I am not usually a good pisser, especially not from a foot away). He was sadly silent after I had pissed, and I sort of thought perhaps I had committed a faux pas (a faux piss?). Anyway, have a good old piss in new (and completely free) first person banality simulator, Crypt World.

Exploring Crypt World is a deliberately disjointed experience, one that is full of incongruous archaeologists and occasional telephones. Televisions will wonder why they are there, and people will tell you that down that tunnel they doubt there will be anything cool. Something struck home quite vociferously though, this dialogue box:

Part of me wonders if this game is an attempt to imagine or patchwork together tropes of the games that the creators feel inadequate for having not played. In this vast community of privileged games players, are we asking too much of people to be able to have an all-encompassing knowledge of games tropes and idioms in order to just participate? No other medium asks so much of us in terms of knowledge of the medium. In-jokes are everywhere. We are less likely to make games about politics than we are about other games.

No friends

In any case, the guide to the game is a triumph, even if the game itself succeeded in making me feel like the world we live in is strange and banal.

In our world, you can die at any time, for no reason whatsoever. This single fact has acted the primary inspiration for Nindendy’s new Triple-A HitGame “Elizabeth Crypt Girl: The Game That Plays You”.

A reflecting pool of the futility we all experience, “Crypt Game Desire” is the only game that painstakingly replicates the banal conditions which define all our lives. You will collect gold, only to forget what point there is in collecting gold. You will grind against the walls of the crypts, yearning for any sensation in this lonely hellworld. You will laugh- and then realize there is nothing to laugh about- and then cry. Then you will cry even more. After several hours of this your tears will flood the room and you will suffocate as a result of your own realizations into the true nature of waking life.

Enter Crypt World- the knife which will cut through the thin veil which obscures the infinite nothingness contained within our lives. Nothing will survive beyond this point.

LEFT-CLICK: Interact with environment.
RIGHT-CLICK: Piss on things.
W-A-S-D: Move around.
SPACE: Jump on things.

This strange and curious game was made by Lilith and Liz Ryerson. Download it here if you want to try it out.

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About the Author
Cara Ellison avatar

Cara Ellison


Senior Scottish Correspondent, often known as the Notorious C A E, though mostly by her mum