I am patiently waiting for someone to run Doom on one of these absurdly overpriced digital typewriters

I’m not entirely sure why I’ve never encountered one of Freewrite’s handsome but insultingly priced digital typewriters until this week. Having discovered them, I’m actually more surprised that there appear to be no real alternatives. Is there a patent here I’m missing? They have the vibe of a failed Nintendo peripheral - the sort of thing you’d find several of at any car boot sale. But no! My choices are either an old AlphaSmart with encrusted McDonalds cheese on the battery case, or a remortgage. I don’t trust you, Freewrite. I might have trusted you if you sold the premium version of a widely available product, but this feels vaguely sinister. Also, you said Hemingway was "the most iconic literary personality of the last century" - an accolade that rightfully belongs to Mary Rayner and her ketchup pigs.