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PC Game Reviews

3 months ago

Feature: Skate or die

Premature Evaluation: Session

Skateboarding was born out of the surfer movement of California in the early 1950s, when a bunch of surfers were dismayed that their surfboards ground to a halt whenever they tried to surf along park benches or ollie over a man lying down in the street with an egg in his mouth. By adding wheels to their boards, and making the boards really tiny, and…

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Feature: The real loot was the friends we made along the way

Borderlands 3 review

Twenty hours into Borderlands 3, in the jungle-drowned innards of a crashed starship, Moze finally opened up. Until that point, we only knew she was a war lass with a big mech. During a bit of scripted mission patter about awkward names, however, she revealed she was born Moserah Hayussinian Yan-Lun al-Amir Andreyevna, and we thought we were going to learn another precious fact about…

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Feature: This is your brain on Wilmot

Wilmot’s Warehouse review

For the first three and a half billion years of its history, life on earth was fairly dull. It was, essentially, a load of little blobs mucking around in a great big sea. But then, five hundred million years ago, the Cambrian Explosion happened. Despite its name, it was not a sick wrestling move, but a sudden evolutionary riot, in which life diversified into a…

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Feature: Let the greed hit the floor

GreedFall review

Spiders is a development studio you might know for the painfully average The Technomancer, and I’m happy to report that 17th Century empire building RPG GreedFall shows they’ve experienced some character progression as a team. GreedFall is better. But there are still more problems with this bargain bucket BioWare RPG than there are hats for me to adorn my badass, rogueish, lesbian sorcerer’s head with.

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Feature: Right side of the tracks

Premature Evaluation: Unrailed

I am repeatedly amazed by my ability to be bullied in almost any social situation, no matter how narrow the means of communication. I’m fairly certain I could be dissed by semaphore, or slagged off over morse code. In four-player co-operative track building game Unrailed you can only express yourself using four emojis and a few resource icons, but even that is enough verbal bandwidth…

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Feature: Jungle, welcome to, etc.

Green Hell review

Day 4 in the jungle: I’ve adopted a diary format, as to cleverly convey basic information about the game I’m reviewing in a thematic way. Today, as I neared the summit of moss-slicked ridge on the outskirts of a fuggy mangrove swamp, I encountered what can only be described as a discovery that will shake the very foundations of ornithology. A flock of brilliantly coloured…

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Feature: Patch notes

Life Is Strange 2: Episode 4 verdict-o-chat

Caution: Spoilers, duh. Brendan: Hello, Alice. This is going to come as a shock but listen, you’ve been in a coma. Incredible I know, but while you were unconscious Life Is Strange 2 released the fourth episode of its road-tripping choice-o-rama, and now that you’re back in conscious reality I’d like to table a discussion on what the hell happened after the explosion on that…

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Feature: The kids are alright

Children Of Morta review

Games about families are pretty uncommon. Ignoring the state of games about dads (because they're about dads, not families, which is sort of accidentally on point), can you even name the parents of more than a couple of game characters? There are probably more about orphans than about someone who, even in passing, has parents. Children Of Morta is all about the family. It's a…

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Feature: Sight for sawed eyes

Gears 5 review

I did not expect Gears 5 to feature an extended Hamilton parody. And yet here we are: escaping a besieged city by hunkering down in a theatre, its walls pasted with the iconic image of Alexander Hamilton pointing to the stars. Only it’s not Hamilton, but Nassar Embry, who ‘Gearspedia’ tells me was the founder of the Coalition of Ordered Governments. And it’s not just…

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Feature: Mist opportunity

Premature Evaluation: Mist Survival

Of all the different forms of precipitation, mist is by far the spookiest. Mist is the last thing you want to see wafting out of a sepulchre, or coiling ominously around an abandoned log cabin on a moonlit night. Fog – very much the Paul Chuckle to mist’s Barry – will do in a tight spot, but to really get your intestines pumping with fear…

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Feature: Meh witch

Blair Witch review

The best thing about Blair Witch is that the main character carries a knock-off Nokia phone. I spent the first 15 minutes of this horror game fiddling with a 1990s mobile, calling a pizzeria, snooping through old texts, and collecting tiny squares in an off-brand version of Snake called "Cobra Masters". It's such a good facsimile of the crap phones of yesteryear, I found myself…

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4 months ago

Feature: Fool fathom five

Man Of Medan review

The difference between horror and comedy is largely a matter of timing. For example, when Alex was caught in a storm with his hands tied, trying to dodge sudden flying objects was frightening. A second later, when I realised one of the objects was a frying pan, I determined that my next playthrough would involve a lot of amusing bruises for him. The Dark Pictures…

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Feature: O look, a stone

Premature Evaluation: Stone Story RPG

Stone Story begins with the birth of a singular “o”, blinking ceaselessly at the centre of a pitch black screen. Shimmering like buried silver, the text on screen informs you that this is all you see; the rest of the universe lays concealed beneath a veil of darkness. You can’t see or hear anything, but you can, at least, feel the rocks that chafe your…

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Feature: Grate apes

Ancestors: The Humankind Odyssey review

Letting you be an animal is something more games could do. Not a cartoon cat, or a twee fox, but a real non-human brute, forced to live in a realistic natural world, and sup water from stagnant pools because the nice stream has been conquered by snakes. Ancestors: The Humankind Odyssey takes up that challenge with some ambition and a lot of admiration for the…

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Feature: Taking the Hiss

Control review

Control wasn't what I was expecting. The developers of this third-person psy-shooter have been nattering about “weird fiction” and belabouring the game's literary inspirations. After telekinetically yeeting myself through it, however, I’ve found little insightful storytelling, just a trad conspiracy/mystery story, and lots of colourful excuses as to how someone can suddenly develop superpowers. But when it feels this satisfying to lift an office chair…

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Feature: Who watches the watchperson?

Telling Lies review

If I was really lazy I would just write "you know Her Story? It's like that but more," and call it a day. But I'm not lazy. I am a diligent and enthusiastic employee of Rock Paper Shotgun, and that sentence would be a bit of an oversimplification of Sam Barlow's new watch videos 'em up Telling Lies.

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Feature: MOBAball

Premature Evaluation: Steel Circus

“You said you’d be here three hours ago,” my friend barks down the phone. It’s 5:30pm and I’m wearing a Harry Potter dressing gown, nursing a lukewarm coffee, and entering my 30th consecutive futureball match. “Sorry about that lad,” I say, feigning remorse. “I’ll be there in a bit.” As you’ve probably realised, I’m not Steve Hogarty. I’m just filling in while Steve’s on holiday.…

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Feature: Teenage mutant whinger hurdles

RAD review

Wot do I think? I think the return of words like "rad", "tubular", and "bodacious" are less welcome echoes of the 1980s than the returning threat of nuclear Armageddon, for a start. As such, it's with a particularly glowering eye that I turn to RAD, Double Fine's new action game about bashing mutants in the face (or face-like area), whose title is pretty indicative of…

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Feature: Shape Fear

The Blackout Club review

Few things are as terrifying, or as potent in piercing morning’s sedate veil, as the sudden outburst of an adult Canadian man, shrieking “THE SHAPE. THE SHAPE IS COMING,” through your desktop speakers. In the Canadian adult’s defence, however, one of those few things is The Shape itself: the Big Bad of stealthy co-op spookfest The Blackout Club. A relentless spectral apparition, only visible as…

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Feature: A right huff

Ion Fury review

I probably didn’t grow up when you did. I feel the need to get that out of the way early, because this review is largely going to be about how Ion Fury’s old-school sensibilities clash with my own. Not all of them, I should stress. Shooters have trended towards a slower pace, while I'm a nippy boy. It feels good to shoot and hop. I’m…

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