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Stanley Parable Vs Call Of Duty: Whichever One We’re On

The Stanley Parable? What kind of name is that? There’s not any war or ops in it. I can’t identify with this subject matter. And who’s Stanley anyway? Bet he can’t even win an arm-wrestling contest against my man Soap MacTavish’s pinky finger. Hahahaha. Fucking loser. #420blazinfolyfe

Now I’m playing and, man, what’s even going on here? There’s an office, and I can’t sprint or jump. There are no guns or terrorists to shoot anywhere. The shit’s even the point? Ugh, and now some British dude is talking at me. He won’t shut up! I haven’t seen a single other player yet, either. Wanna know the crazy part? I’m not even sure this gameĀ has multiplayer at all. Who do I trash talk? Who do I teabag? Who do I call hurtful racial slang as an expression of my teenage insecurity? This fucking thing isn’t even a game, as far as I’m concerned.

Stanley Parable? More like Stanley Terrible.