Posts Tagged ‘Assassin’s Creed III’

Wot I Thimpressions – Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag

(The ugly portmanteau in the title is because damnable Uplay’s damnable cloud saves system destroyed and rewound over three hours of my progress, which has kept me from getting quite as far into Black Flag as I’d hoped. It also meant I lost a bunch of sea shanties, which was what upset me the most. Is this is Wot I Think? Is it mere Impressions? It’s both and neither. Isn’t that helpful? PS: in the name of all that’s holy, turn off cloud saves in Uplay before you start playing AC4).

It’s the best Assassin’s Creed yet! Which is 90% because Black Flag, a a third-person action adventure about pirates in the Caribbean, isn’t really an Assassin’s Creed game in the traditional sense, and 10% because the lead character is from Swansea.
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Then There Were Pyramids: AC III’s Washington DLC Ends

Ratonhnhaké:ton, I am your father and wait what no I don't even know what's going on here anymore.

I’m actually afraid to play Assassin’s Creed III’s Tyranny of King Washington DLC. It’s been on my List Of Vaguely Tantalizing Curiosities for quite some time, but I’m sick with worry that it can’t possibly live up to the madness its trailers boast. I mean, so far we’ve seen ghost eagles, mind-controlled Benjamin Franklin, and Washington sauntering – dual pistols cocked, nostrils flared and lips slyly pursed – like he’s on a catwalk at some eeeeeevil fashion show. And now? Now there is a pyramid. In the middle of New York. For those not in the know/possibly from space, that is not a place where pyramids traditionally go. Watch the trailer and join me in wondering what manner of strange, wonderful brain worm has infested Ubisoft after the break.

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AC III: The Continuing Tyranny Of King Washington


George Washington? More like Jerk Washingtonsofbutts. I’m sorry. I haven’t slept much lately, and any time that’s the case, my ability to cleverly insult implausibly mad¬†re-envisionings of cherished historical figures is always the first thing to go. But I’m pressing on regardless, just like our tree-toothed, grumpyfaced bizarro pal Georgie Scourgie in Assassin’s Creed III: The Tyranny Of King Washington Episode II: Betrayal (And Counting!). So then, what nefarious deeds is he up to this time? Rescuing kittens from exceedingly high buildings for the sole purpose of frightening them back up again? Chopping down every cherry tree in the nation and lying about it just because he can? Nope. But he is making Benjamin Franklin all kinds of sad, which is just the most heartbreaking thing ever. See for yourself after the break.

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Assassin’s Creed 4 Gets Pirated

Yes that is an AC3 screenshot. Well spotted!

Because – haha – there are pirates in it. Hahah. But you thought – haha – that I was saying the next Assassin’s Creed game had leaked to Bittorrent. Haha. Hah. Heh. Huh.

I am neither funny or clever. You know it, I know it, the tiny baby Jesus knows it.

Let’s just talk about the leaked reveal of Assassin’s Creed 4: Black Flag instead. It’s nothing to do with Henry Rollins, I’m afraid.
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AC III: Tyranny Of King Washing Machine Out Now


I think that was my country’s first President’s name. Something like that. Honestly, I’m fuzzy on the details, because history was never my strong suit, and I secretly pledge my allegiance to the vengeful, cursed spirit of Mummy King Ramses II. But yes, Assassin’s Creed III: The Tyranny of King Washingface episode one has officially ridden a star-spangled, single-tear-propelled eagle onto Steam, Uplay, and the like. You may tomahawk your way to its historically inaccurate heart as you please. But first, you must watch a trailer. Otherwise, you won’t get a proper preview of Connor’s fancy new clothes. They’re quite spiffy. I bet he even gave them a thorough rinse in one of those – argh, what do you call ’em? – oh, right: Washingtons.

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Popular Videogames In Planned Sequels Shocker

I bet they'll find a way to bring Vaas back

The popular videogames in this instance being Ubisoft’s Assassin’s Creed and Far Cry series. Of the former, we can expect a new installment, featuring a new time period and protagonist, to arrive before next March. For the latter, meanwhile, apparently the wait won’t be as long as it was between Far Cry 2 and Far Cry 3.
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How Hollywood Should Adapt Videogames

Insatiable film fiend David Valjalo stops by to offer his musings on adapting the unadaptables – how Hollywood has its work cut out for it, what we can read into the studios and production houses attached to silver screen versions of Deus Ex, Splinter Cell and Assassin’s Creed, formalist vs realist styles, the need to make 20-hour, splintered narratives conform to the three-act structure, why auteur directors aren’t the solution we might think they are, and why Russell Crowe is abstractly key to getting game to film right.
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