Posts Tagged ‘big-daddy’

Review: Bioshock Ultra-Geek Edition

Woo – my big box o’Bioshock just arrived. Circumstances have conspired to ensure I won’t actually get to play the game until the weekend (I was going to take a quick look-see this morning anyway, but the activation servers are down, infuriatingly. It’s HL2 release day all over again) but what I can do is review the various junk in the Collector’s Edition. When I say ‘review’ I do, of course, mean ‘complain.’

Firstly, the soundtrack. I was quite excited about this, given the atmospheric gramophone music heard throughout the demo. Turns out it’s just three tracks, all of which are by Moby. Moby. So instead of Bobby Darin’s stately take on Beyond the Sea, we get a hideous mobile phone advert-style plinky-plonky boom-boom-boom remix. Franky, if you told any DJ to remix Beyond the Sea but they only had 20 minutes to do it in, it would sound just like this. The other two tracks sound like lazy Orbital b-sides, and contain what I’m guessing is voice samples from the game. [Edit – I’m snidely informed that the second track, God Bless The Child, is quite well known, making it one of my many cultural blindspots. If I’d managed to listen to all of it without clicking next in disgust, it’s possible I’d have recognised the original song Moby’s slaughtered]. This EP (only referred to as such once you get to the disc itself – the packaging refers to it throughout as ‘soundtrack CD’) is a real missed opportunity. Ken Levine’s list of Irrational’s creative inspirations for Bioshock states under music simply “1950s-era jazz.” That would have pleased me enormously. That would have made me think ‘Bioshock.’ The three awful pieces of irrelevant lift music I’ve actually got make me eye the nice metal box the game comes in with distaste.

Flicking quickly through the 40-minute Making Of DVD (which I don’t want to watch properly until I’ve finished the game), it seems rather more interesting, though seems to predominantly consist of sniggering, poorly-shaven men badly superimposed onto Rapture backgrounds. It’s all talking heads stuff – there’s no look into earlier art or the tools used to build the game. It does expand on Ken Levine’s claims that the Little Sisters were initially insectoid – apparently they were formerly slugs that you could stomp on. There was also talk of including a ‘squirrel-man’, a dog in a wheelchair and monkeys at some point. Personally, I’d have gone for a squirrel-man in wheelchair being pushed around by a monkey. The video certainly isn’t anything that requires a seperate DVD, as opposed to a 100Mb DIVX file on the game disc, anyway. Pah.

Piece de resistance is, of course, the Big Daddy figurine. I’m happy to report that, yes, you could unquestionably kill a man with it if you swung it hard enough. It’s heavy, and that drill-arm is just made for a-blindin’. Unfortunately it’s not poseable at all and the paint job’s pretty sloppy (the whole box reeks of spray paint fumes, in fact). I’ve got a Warhammer miniatures-obsessed mate I might ask to repaint it – the dilemma is whether I ask for him to make the helmet bubble-lights green for the Daddy’s patrol mode, or red for ANGRY. Oh, and it’s also got a very tacky Made in China sticker on its foot.

Anyway, here’s Big Daddy versus Optimus Prime. Optimus Prime would win, of course, because he’s a giant robot, but Daddy would probably manage to break one of his windows first or something.

Less Big Daddy, More Shirley Crabtree

Okay. We’ve had enough corporate evilness puncturing our happy-happy joy-joy over-excitement over the forthcoming Bioshock. Let’s have something to warm our hearts as we prepare ourselves for entering an art-deco hell.

(Don’t worry – the second we play it, we’ll start a too-cool-for-school It’s-not-all-that Backlash, because that’s the way we roll at Rock Paper Shotgun. We’re absolute cunts.)

Destructoid have been running a dress like Big Daddy compo. It’s over now, and the results have yet to be announced, but their members have been posting about their efforts.

Bless them.

Sexy

Angels Don’t Burn manages to capture the horror and majesty of the Big Daddy using the ever-trusty Blue-Peter staples of Cardboard, Foil and a complete lack of embarrassment.

Also Sexy

Agent Moo decides to disregard the cardboard and foil and just go heavy on the complete lack of embarrassment.

Possible Rapist

Genacon, to be honest, looks a bit like a rapist.

Sexy again

Finally Sazemaster is the person who is i) clearly going to win ii) probably has spent a bit too much time on this iii) will have everyone else who lives with them wondering where all the kitchen foil’s gone iv) The only one who appears to have got his girlfriend/sister to dress up as Big Daddy. And there’s jokes to be made here, but I’m not going to go for them. His Flickr page details the construction in heartwarming detail.

There’s many more examples over in the thread too. We recommend you go look, to give us time to consider whether our Dress Like A Character In Nethack competition’s actually a good idea.