FINALLY. As I discovered while
horsing goating around for all the world to see, Goat Simulator has literally everything one could possibly conceive of throwing into a videogame. Between its quiet, moving narrative, masterfully measured pacing, tasteful use of whaling sections, allegorical nods to both Shakespeare’s entire career and his greatest lost work, The Fifth Element, and 42 hour roadtripping-through-middle-America-with-Oscar-Wilde sequence, it more or less covered every possible base. Except, well… parkour. It didn’t have any. Thus, I was forced to downgrade it from “videogame” to “Citizen Kane.” Soon, however, that’s going to change in a big way.