Posts Tagged ‘Diary’

Northwest Passages: The final storm

It’s almost over. My valiant journey from ocean to ocean via the infamous Northwest Passage is coming to an end. It took the autonomous crew of sailing simulator Sailaway and I a total of 2 months and 5 days, much of which was spent stranded in a pleasant little place called Terror Bay. But we’ve hoisted the mainsail for the final time. With just 39 miles to go we will have broken into out of the Bering Sea come morning, into the grand Pacific ocean. But how did these last few weeks go? Let’s consult the captain’s log to find out. Read the rest of this entry »

Zafehouse Diaries 2: The battle of Cleveland, pt 2

Concluding a diary of zombie doom, in which five four survivors attempt to escape an infected town in strategy-management-RPG Zafehouse Diaries 2 [official site]. Problem being, they straight-up hate each other. In this second and final part: death! Duplicity! Arguments about cleaning! And… a hero. Read the rest of this entry »

Zafehouse Diaries 2: The battle of Cleveland, part 1

Seven streets, five survivors, one zombie apocalypse (and, therefore, infinite zombies). What’s the worst that could happen? No, scratch that – what’s the best that could happen? I don’t include “just this once, everybody lives!” as a realistic possibility here, but perhaps one or two of them could make it out alive? On Cleveland Rd they will make their stand, as they skirmish against an army of undead, raid houses and bicker endlessly in our Zafehouse Diaries 2 [official site] diary. Read the rest of this entry »

Northwest Passages: Reaching for the Beaufort Sea

My noble mission to travel the infamous Northwest Passage using only my wits and salty sailing sim Sailaway [official site] continues with all the recklessness of a manic toddler. Last time the crew and I got stuck in water a metre deep after we made the definitely joint decision to detour into a place called Terror Bay. But nothing can stop this valiant vessel. The Bluster & Guesswork will not know failure. It will not know disruption. It will not know defeat! I mean, it’s a boat, it won’t know anything.
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Football Manager 2017 pass-and-save diary, part four: Hell in a handballcart

It's all going well

Adam hands me the pass-and-save Football Manager Touch 2017 file with the following pep talk:

“I got us to the semi-final of the FA Cup, and the draw for that is coming up shortly, and we’re through to the 2nd Knockout Leg of the European Champions League,which is a big deal. We might end up playing Barcelona or Bayern Munich in which case we’re probably doomed, but HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL. The League is dead though. Nothing good can happen there.”

Good pep talk, Adam. Top management. Read the rest of this entry »

Football Manager 2017 pass-and-save diary, part one: A game of four halves

Two of us know far too much about football. Two of us know far too little. Together, we will create chaos for once-proud Premiership club Leicester City.

Here’s the deal. In Football Manager Touch 2017 (chosen over the full-fat version as it’ll move quicker), we take control of Leicester for the 2016-2017 season, which is effectively working just a few months behind what’s actually happening now. That being that Leicester won the title last year, but are having a hard time this year. You ain’t seen nothing yet, lads. Every quarter of a season, whoever’s in charge passes their savegame onto the next player. As we’re alternating between people who know what they’re doing and people who don’t, this is going to involve quite some degree of calamity and, hopefully, salvation.

It starts with me. Graham, Pip and Adam will follow. Adam has observed that if the club is not in the relegation zone when the save reaches him, he will consider it a great victory. Oh dear. Read the rest of this entry »

Northwest Passages: Sailing into Terror Bay

What ho! The voyage of the Bluster & Guesswork, my beautiful boat in realistic sailing sim Sailaway [official site], continues at breakneck speed (0.9 knots). For those joining us, I have set out to conquer the Northwest Passage, that difficult and deadly route between Atlantic and Pacific ocean. But one month into the journey and we have been, er, delayed. As captain, I refuse to take responsibility. My crew have been slack and disobedient. I am confident my journal will exonerate me of all blame.
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Stellaris: A utopian race of multicultural turtles, part 2

Last time in this diary on grand space strategy Stellaris, my species of sugary, democratic Tortals invited everyone to their space nation regardless of race, creed or culture. It was a burgeoning multicultural utopia called the Open Gates. Then a terrifying horde of transdimensional beings arrived and started to eat everyone like a rack of saucy ribs, which is against the rules.

The Tortals and their compatriots have now escaped in a flotilla of refugee ships to the Shell, a corner of space where they hope to be safe. They are far from the Unbidden, the aforementioned interdimensional gatecrashers, but now they have new neighbours in the form of of two very large despotic empires. And, as any cultured dictator knows, shells usually contain something tasty and soft inside. Read the rest of this entry »

My Town Of Bones In Thea: The Awakening, Part 2

Thea: The Awakening [official site] is a turn-based game of survival and strategy set in a dark world of Slavic myths. As a group of humans, you have emerged from an era of bad times and must regrow your village into something resembling a society. In the conclusion of this two-part diary, Brendan loses control. You can read part one of the Thea diary here.

Bucket Girl is dead. The village came under attack by bears, wolves and ‘hulking rats’. They savaged her in the card-based foray. She survived the battle, only to die of the wounds a day later. It was a dark time for the citizens of Bilge Finger. She is survived by her widower Bogart McTrout and her other widower, Funky Frida. The game is sad for me, offering its condolences in the form of a dialogue box. “And so more souls go to the beyond,” it says. “+1 XP”.
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Bold Steps, Cold Wars: Civ VI Diary Part Three

This is the third part of a Civilization VI [official site] diary, running from the beginning of recorded history to the atomic age and victory (?). Part one is here, part two is here.

There’s something special about taking a first trip over-seas. Whether you’re a child or teenager taking a vacation away from your homeland for the first time, or the leader of a nation sending explorers out into the wider world, it’s a magical time.

We are Japan. Having established a now-peaceful dominance over our neighbours, we craved new lands to occupy. The discovery of cartography gave even our smallest seafaring vessels the knowledge to navigate their way across deep waters and soon we were carving up the fog of war that lay between the world’s two great landmasses. What we found when we reached the other side changed everything.

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My Town Of Bones In Thea: The Awakening, Part 1

Thea: The Awakening [official site] is a turn-based game of survival and strategy set in a dark world of Slavic myths. As a group of humans, you have emerged from an era of bad times and must regrow your village into something resembling a society. In the first of this two-part diary, Brendan attempts just that.

I have 5 bones, 77 meats and 6 children. Those are my village’s resources. There’s a lot of other things, of course, but those are the most important. The children will one day grow into fully-fledged villagers but for now, they are marked as a resource, possibly stored in the same warehouse as the coal and vegetables. But it is their potential that keeps the rest of us going – the thought of a brighter future that makes life worth living in the town of Bilge Finger. I wonder what happens when you drag the children to this box?

“You are about to destroy 3 x Child. Are you sure?”

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The Quest For The Holy Grail: Civ VI Diary Part Two

This is the second part of a Civilization VI diary, running from the beginning of recorded history to the atomic age and victory (?). Part one is here.

“He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty Great Prophet.”

No, scratch that. Wrong Python movie.

“Spanish persons, today the blood of many a brave samurai shall be avenged! In the name of Horace, we shall not stop our fight till every one of you lies dead, and the Holy Grail returns to those who Horace Himself has chosen!”

This entry of my Civilization VI [official site] diary is about my quest for the Holy Grail.

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Losing My Religion: Civilization VI Diary, Part One

In this first part of a Civilization VI [official site] diary series, which will follow my glorious nation from its birth to eventual victory (or abject failure), we trace Japan’s steps from the ancient to the classical era. Along the way, I’ll be explaining the rules of this new entry in the series as well as telling the story of my people.

Rome is bristling with spears and its leader, Trajan, is not very happy. Not very happy at all. It’s 1160 BC and I’ve already sworn off wonders, stabbed my only friend in the back, and found myself caught between faiths. Let’s rewind almost three thousand years though, to the founding of Kyoto and a time of great promise. Let’s go back to the start.

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Rimworld Diary, Part 3: The Drugs Do Work

We sent Brendan into sci-fi disaster simulator RimWorld [official site], where he quickly established a failing hotel in the middle of a scorching desert. In the final part of his diary, things fall apart.

Is everybody ready? Okay, let’s smoke this shit. I order the staff to smoke their flake, and one by one they light up. Then we immediately move onto the next drug. Okay everyone, I mutter, get your Yayo into you, we haven’t got a lot of time here.

Everyone snorts their Yayo.

All right. I think to the screen. Now, the plan is to get down there and kill those aliens.

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RimWorld Diary, Part 2: From The Ritz To The Rubble

We dispatched Brendan back into sci-fi disaster simulator RimWorld [official site], where he quickly established a failing hotel in the middle of a scorching desert. Last week, the hotel staff were in the grip of drugs and cancer. In part two of this three-part diary, a tragedy brings the hotel to its knees.

Wide-eyes Pete was on another one of his binges. He’d gotten his hands on some Wake-up thanks to a passing group of merchants and after spending the previous week in withdrawl he was now sucking it down like sugar. In terms of work rate, this is bad because you can’t control RimWorld’s cartoon men and women when they enter a state like this – they just refuse to do their jobs. But in terms of happiness, I would rather Pete get high every day and stay chipper than descend into a spiral of withdrawl. That’s why I bought him the drugs. He’s better like this.

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Tales From One Man’s Sky: The Goldilocks Planet

As I continue to attempt to justify to myself abandoning all notions of spare time in order to play more No Man’s Sky [official site], here’s the second entry in a diary trying to get to grips with how it has its claws in me. This time, played while watching all of season 13 of Top Chef, a tale of the perfect planet.

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RimWorld Diary, Part 1: Welcome To Bogdan’s Rest

RimWorld [official site] continues its march through early access, adding drugs and enticing modders, almost as if it wasn’t already wonderful. We sent Brendan back to the planet’s surface, where he decided to set up a hotel in the middle of the desert. In part one of this three-part diary, the colonists struggle to establish themselves.

Shinichi needs a new kidney. He has been walking around in the blazing desert sun for days, dismantling any ruin he can find and leaving the bricks for someone else to carry back to the hotel. And now he has a cancerous growth in his kidney. He needs a new one but the chances of a group of crooked merchants passing by with organs on sale is slim. He goes home and lies down in his bedroom, which is actually a cave. His bed – made from granite – offers little comfort. This was supposed to be a hotel.

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Diary: Our Real Lives And Deaths Across The Globe

Real Lives [official site] is an educational simulation that has been around for years. It randomly puts you into the shoes (or lack of shoes) of people from around the world, then tasks you with making the best life you possibly can. You may start as a fisherman’s daughter in Sri Lanka, or an orphan in Brazil. But your life is only ever halfway under your control.

We decided to each start a life in this rough simulation and see how we do. What follows are the stories of five people from around the globe. Some suffer horribly (warning: in 4 out of 5 of our “lives”, rape was a problem at some point) while others find relative prosperity. But who will have the best Real Life? Read on to find out.

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Tales From One Man’s Sky: Why Am I Still Here?

I’m still playing No Man’s Sky [official site]. I realise this puts me in a peculiar category, a group titled “Those Who Realised How Far Short It Fell From Both Its Claims And Expectations But Still Find They Can’t Stop Wanting To Go Back”. Us TWRHFSIFFBICAEBSFTCSWTGBers will tell you, yes, you’re absolutely right, the game has no point, no deeper purpose, no real goals, no good reason to carry on. We’ll nod at you, distractedly, while mostly focusing on mining the tower of Emeril in front of us, hoping you’ll leave and stop making us question it.

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What’s It Like To Start Anew In Stardew Valley?

I have spent over seventy hours in Stardew Valley. In that time I’ve cultivated my land, raised animals, got married and had a child of my own. I’ve plundered the deepest depths of the mine and ridden the bus to the desert. There’s no crop I haven’t grown, no animal product I haven’t churned or spun. Of course in a game like Stardew Valley there’s always something more you could do. I could pop out another baby, make my farm more efficient, or build another barn. But I found myself growing listless of my streamlined faming life. Money was piling up in my bank account with nothing to spend it on and I felt like I’d finally reached a plateau.

So I decided to start anew, and in a game that is all about starting anew, it felt fitting. I waved goodbye to Berry Farm and my little pink haired avatar and created Jemima. Whose hair and colour scheme is based off the Little Mermaid. Because I’m a goddamn adult and I can do what I like.

I thought I’d do things a little differently. While Holly preferred dogs, Jemima prefers cats. While Holly romanced the local doctor, Harvey, Jemima was going to flirt with the nature-loving artist Leah. Would my 70 plus hours of farming experience help my second attempt? Let’ see.

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