Posts Tagged ‘Excalibur Publishing’

Parp parp! Roadtrip ’em up Jalopy rolls into Bulgaria

As Jalopy [official site] continues to trundle on through early access, the roguelikelike roadtrip ’em up has added Bulgaria in an opt-in beta. It’s not perfect but if you fancy pootling over the holidays, it should see you right. Along with adding the twisty and hilly new land, the update adds different road conditions and different tyres to go with them, plus new hazards like oil spills, and pot holes. Read the rest of this entry »

The Flare Path: Is Lost For Words

I’ve been robbed! I got up this morning to find my office ransacked and my mahogany word cabinet agape. Among the items taken were the words listed above. In the circumstances, covering this week’s wargame releases could be tricky. Perhaps I should stick to sim-related news, interviews and observations today.

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The Flare Path: A Ponce In A Ponsse

Forestry was one of the industries the Industrial Revolution forgot. The tools used by a British forestry worker at the start of the Twentieth Century would have been instantly recognizable to a forestry worker of 1700. It would be another two decades before the oil dripping, smoke breathing dragon of progress appeared in the UK’s pine stands and oak woods. First came the lumbering tractor, then the chainsaw, an increasingly portable petrol-fuelled marvel that quickly saw off the crosscut saw and eventually banished the axe too. Finally, in the 1990s, something truly remarkable arrived. A machine that, in favourable terrain, made a hard-working chainsaw flourisher look like a hopeless slacker, an anachronism, an irrelevance. Read the rest of this entry »

Street Cleaning Simulator: Diary Of A Street Cleanin’ Man

Hello, ladies.

Every Sunday, we reach deep into Rock, Paper, Shotgun’s 141-year history to pull out one of the the best moments from the archive. This week, another Jim road trip, only this time he’s cleaning up the mean streets of Street Cleaning Simulator. This article was first published on July 8th 2011 with the title, “Street Cleanin’ Man”, an age before we were all au fait with labour sims.

Discovering that this game existed was a moment of perverse joy for me. I knew that it would be deeply boring – it really is – and that I would have to play it extensively for no reason other than to take joy in being quite deliberately boring. It’s the kind of non-challenge I relish, and I gleefully set about compiling a diary of the events – or lack thereof – in the life of a simulatory street cleaner.

Read on to find out how I got on with that.

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Hallelujah: Chemical Spillage Simulation Is Real

Nondescript warehouse boxes are a leading cause of radiation.

Fact: 52848202102395 chemicals spill every hour. Another fact: said spillages have resulted in the near-extinction of humanity on countless occasions. Third fact: one such spillage recently caused me to forget the meaning of the word “fact”. Fortunately, Chemical Spillage Simulation will soon be on the scene to save the day. Or teach me to save the day, anyway. It’s about stopping oozing, multi-tendriled sludgetastrophes before they ever happen, but instead of going about it the normal way (time travel), you use meticulously calibrated analysis vehicles, tools, and robots. Be still, my beating heart. Oh wait, that’s just my Geiger counter.

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Night Drive: Euro Truck Simulator 2

Manchester to Sheffield, Sheffield to Swansea, Swansea to Stuttgart. I’ve been haunting the highways and low roads of Europe as I aim to build a freight empire the likes of which the world has never seen before. My convoys will convey powdered milk from Berlin to Paris, and machine parts from Edinburgh to Frankfurt. Or, failing that, I’ll just fill my playlist with electronic ambience and watch the world roll past the window. This is Euro Truck Simulator 2.

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