Posts Tagged ‘Excalibur Publishing’

All The Fun Of The Fear: Circus World

The horn is glued to his face every morning

I think Circus World is trying to be a bit like Theme Park, except with alcoholic clowns and depressed animals instead of joy. The trailer makes the entire circus look smaller than a reasonably sized back garden, with four or five vagrants rounded up and forced to attend and applaud wildly lest a sad-eyed harlequin eats them. An elephant teeters, balanced on a wheel in a tiny ring as onlookers gasp in terror and amazement. The inevitability of a dead family being scraped from beneath his fallen flank is already evident in the tears that roll down the imprisoned pachyderm’s wise cheek. A corpse is fired from a cannon. The circus does not care. The circus is a caravan of dreams. Available now, trailer below.

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This Rocks: Stone Quarry Simulator

Haha, this rocks. I am a funny.
Our work is complete, here at Castle Shotgun, when we receive the latest news from simulation impresarios Excalibur. This week’s transmission informs us of the unlikely-sounding Stone Quarry Simulator, in which you can use digging machines and/or explosives to drag the hard bits from the guts of the world. Excalibur implore us to “Embark on exciting excavations where only the most enterprising engineer will become king of the quarry!” King of the quarry. That sounds awesome. And I am also betting it’s not an actual feature of the game. If it is, then I will very pleased indeed.

It also features what seems to be the theme tune from an American teen-drama, as you can see in the trailer below.
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Grand Theft Organ: Emergency Ambulance Simulator

A flotilla fit for a Health King

Crazy Taxi was half of a decent game. The driving about at silly speeds in order to pick up a fare and ferry him to his destination had the potential to be extraordinary good fun. What youngster doesn’t dream of being a taxi driver? A crazy taxi driver no less? But despite flirting with perfection and even caressing her cheek, Crazy Taxi had a serious flaw. The people waiting for your services weren’t bleeding, vomiting, broken wretches, shivering and wracked with agony. Thankfully, Emergency Ambulance Simulator has arrived to correct that severe oversight.

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Airport Firefighter Simulator

What the Pyro gets up to on weekdays

What, you thought I was going to put a gag in the headline? You think that those three words are not beautiful and perfect enough on their own? How you sicken me, you artless philistine.

Yes, the latest in a long line of labour machinery-based sims you would never dream existed is Airport Firefighter Simulator, in which you are all that stands in front of certain, explosive disaster. Quotes like this are simply amazing: “Even the most routine duties of aircraft refuelling and cargo management carry the chance of conflagration so you must always be on your guard to prevent a minor incident becoming a major inferno.”
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My First Day On Patrol With: Police Force


It’s been a while since I’ve been able to able to really get stuck into any kind of municipal simulation in my day job, so I was delighted to realise that there was nothing better to do today than crack open my copy of Police Force and “experience law enforcement like never before”. Join me for the first day on the beat with Marc Angel and his implacable sidekick, Susan. (Yes, that is actually what they are called in the game.)
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Street-Cleanin’ Man: Street Cleaning Simulator

Hello, ladies.
Discovering that this game existed was a moment of perverse joy for me. I knew that it would be deeply boring – it really is – and that I would have to play it extensively for no reason other than to take joy in being quite deliberately boring. It’s the kind of non-challenge I relish, and I gleefully set about compiling a diary of the events – or lack thereof – in the life of a simulatory street-cleaner.

Read on to find out how I got on with that.

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