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Posts tagged “foot-to-ball”

The nightmare visions of recreating England coach Gareth Southgate in Football Manager 18

Foot-to-ball is returning to its origin! A trio of lethal predators on a jersey!   Į̵̢̻̪͚̗̲͔̗̱͐̿̒͜͜ͅͅT̷̞͎̦̣̪̹̮̩̞̥͔̾̇̓̈́̔̕͜ͅ'̵͇̲̮͔͔̰͖͙̫̭̗͉͓̅̀̃̊͊̔̓͊̕͝͝͝ͅS̷̢̧͍͕͓̠͎̖̝̤̉͋́̄̇̈̿͆̓̕ ̶̦̥̽̄̇̌C̵̡̛̰̱͚̻̮͇̖̉͗̓̋͆Ơ̷̮̱̪̮̘̹̍M̷̛̰͚̹̓̓̀͛̊͋͋̈́̃̓͘͝I̸͚͚͍̬̱̹̺̼̿́̂̊̍̈́̕͝N̴̰͉̹̻͊̏̔̈́͒G̴̝̓̌͊̇̅̂̈́̾̉̕ ̵̯̭͕̺̍H̴͖͎̩̝̤͙͔̹͔̹̀̍́̈͂̄̑̌͑ͅO̷͖̠͉̜̹̯͖̮͠ͅM̵̧̞̯̱̫̣̫̅́̎̂̈́̈͑͜͝Ę̷͖̟̪̬͙̟̭͕̂̐   And what better way to celebrate England's passage into the World Cup quarter-finals than recreating soon-to-be knight of the realm Gareth Southgate within Foot-to-ball Manager 2018? Something... something is very wrong.

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FIFA Ultimate Team On Player Upgrade Spree

Foot-to-ball isn't actually on the list of "things I do not understand". I followed it closely for a few years in the mid nineties so I'm not a stranger to how the game works. My reference points, however, are outdated and weirdly specific and I have never played FIFA. This post about FIFA Ultimate Team player updates can only go well then… N.B. Usually Graham…

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Feature: A load of old balls

Dini And The Wonderkids: A History Of Football Games

FOOTBALL. It's been on your telly for the last few weeks and it's staying there for a few weeks more. FOOTBALL. Every supermarket is full of products adorned with the looming faces of men who kick balls for a living. FOOTBALL. It's only gone and found its way onto RPS as well. The World Cup comes but once every four years and it's a time…

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Feature: Clean sheets and spreadsheets

Extra Time: Football Manager Interview Part 2

As we enter the second part of a marathon conversation with Sports Interactive's Miles Jacobson, I begin by checking that the half time oranges have done the trick. Once we're both warmed up and ready to go, talk turns to Football Manager's place in the wider world of games and Miles' background in the world of music. When we're not discussing Jesus Jones and Blur,…

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Feature: A parallel universe

Talk Of The Terrace: Football Manager Interview

Football Manager is an enormously complex simulation. On a global level, the game tracks thousands of careers, ambitions and relationships, and on any given match day, weather, morale, skills and individual personal issues can contribute to moments of brilliance or abject failure. Talking to Sports Interactive's director Miles Jacobson, I found that the simulation model is even more elaborate in some areas than I'd expected.…

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It’s All Over: FIFA Manager 14 Is The Last In The Series

Football is a game of two halves, and so is this post. Snarky FC kicks off. EA Sports have announced that FIFA Manager 14 will be the last in the series. Which is probably just as well, because those games were rubbish. They're the equivalent of when footballers launch their own line of cologne. It's an obligatory brand extension which makes a lot of money…

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Feature: Foot-to-ball Notes

Football Manager 2014 review

Football never stops. At this very moment, as you're reading these words, people are playing football all over the world and every kick of the ball massively matters to someone. Presumably. Perhaps the football is happening too far away for you to see though, or perhaps you'd like to have more control over the actions of the men playing with the football. If that is…

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Foot Like A 3D Engine: Football Manager 2014

Have there ever been two foot-to-ball posts on RPS during a single twenty four hour period? I'd go back and search through the archives but I can hear Kenneth Baubles, the ill-fated librarian, dragging his pegleg around back there. Best not to disturb him. Whatever the case, we're almost back-to-back with balls today. First it was Graham's turn to give FIFA a good kicking, although…

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FIFA 14 Patches And Deflates Its Foot-To-Balls

FIFA 14 came out last month, bringing with it the set of updates we've come to expect from the yearly foot-to-ball series: slower running, better balls, new types of kicking, some new names of millionaires, four new lines of commentary which don't make sense at first but, through mind-penetrating repetition, destroy cherished memories from your childhood and replace them with an image of Martin Tyler's…

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FIFA Foot-To-Ball 14 Demo Out, Doesn’t Like You Much

There are a contingent of RPS readers who hate it when we say "foot-to-ball". Quite why foot-to-ball is a problem for these foot-to-ball-hating people is hard to fathom. I mean, the sport's called foot-to-ball, and always has been called foot-to-ball, ever since foot-to-ball was invented by Geoffrey Foot-To-Ball in 1986. Some people just like to complain, I guess. Anyhow, you can now get your hands…

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Quick Pitch: Football Manager 2014 Trailers

I exist outside of popular culture*. I've only just started to watch The Shield, and I mostly listened to Use Your Illusion II this weekend. So I had to Google 'Gareth Bale' to find out why everyone was talking about him, which in turn reminded me that Football Manager 2014 is coming out, and that I should get with the times. The managerial machination sim…

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Foot-To-Landmine: FootLOL – Epic Fail League

If I had just the right test tube and one of Mr Bunsen's Bestest Burners, I reckon I could scientifically prove that FootLOL: Epic Fail League is the worst title since Henry VIII appointed a young cleric as his Royal Glans Grater, purely to irritate the delicate sensibilities of Pope Clement VII. As it is, all I have is a broken slide rule and a…

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Foot-to-Ball Commander 2013 Demonstration Edition

This year as with every year, there is a brand new edition of Sports Interactive's management goliath Foot-to-Ball Commander. The 2013 version is out next week, in fact. New features this year include over 17 new types of decomposing tobacco breath odorants to add to your manager's Unhinged Bellow attack, the option to hurl the most racist members of your premiership team into the heart…

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Pro Evolution Soccer 2013’s 2012 Demo #2

When I was still capable of leaving the house without needing to have a nice sit down on the first bench I saw, I couldn't make it to any sort of social gathering without bearing unwilling witness to some manner of tedious debate about how and why Pro Evolution Soccer was much better than FIFA. There were gesticulations, there were phrases like 'ball control' and…

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FIFA 12 Foot-To-Ball Demo Impressions

In one minute I'll be announcing the announcement that the new demo of FIFA 12 will be being announced in a few minutes. That's a new demo for FIFA 12 that I will tell you has been released just as soon as I've announced that I'm announcing its imminent announcement. There's a FIFA 12 demo out! Wait, damn, that was too soon.

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Foot-to-Ball Manager 2012th Edition

You foot-to-ball chaps sure don't get bored easily. I'd get fed up of any game after 2012 years - why, I'd even be willing to bet my ardour for X-COM would have cooled by just the 819th sequel. There's no stopping plucky Brit studio Sports Interactive though: they've just announced Foot-to-Ball Manager 2012, which as is the custom contains a raft of new features, improved…

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Feature: Foot + ball = ???

Impressions: New Star Soccer 5

A curious new leisure hobby for the younger man has lately taken the continent and the colonies by storm, and your intrepid gentlemen reporters at the Rock, the Paper and Shotgun feel duty-bound to investigate this ‘sport’ the filthy foreigns have dubbed ‘foot-to-ball’. We couldn’t possibly sully our fine, firm, perfect bodies on the pitch and at the risk of a physical encounter with one…

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Foot That Ball! New Star Soccer 5 Trailer

As Britain's leading expert on foot-to-ball, I find the irreverence of games like New Star Soccer 5 to be deeply offensive toward "the lovely game". How can someone watch something as astounding, as gorgeous, as sexually profound, as last week's round of foot-to-balling between the United Rovers and West Byfleet Consolidated not be moved to tears? New Star Games' new trailer for their latest simulation…

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FIFA Manager 11: Foot-To-Ball-To-Demo

FIFA Manager 11 really should be a game about managing FIFA. [At this point please insert some jokes about how ineptly FIFA may well be run, and how one would manage it better, because I haven't the faintest clue. Maybe something about refusing cameras that can see if goals are scored? Is that FIFA? Or is that UEFA? Or is that a town in Mexico?]…

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