Posts Tagged ‘foot-to-ball’

FIFA 14 Patches And Deflates Its Foot-To-Balls

A foot-to-baller, yesterday.

FIFA 14 came out last month, bringing with it the set of updates we’ve come to expect from the yearly foot-to-ball series: slower running, better balls, new types of kicking, some new names of millionaires, four new lines of commentary which don’t make sense at first but, through mind-penetrating repetition, destroy cherished memories from your childhood and replace them with an image of Martin Tyler’s face, rotating, his eyes on fire, his mouth chanting some secret language.

Now there’s a patch that tweaks all of the above in slight but significant ways.
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FIFA Foot-To-Ball 14 Demo Out, Doesn’t Like You Much

There are a contingent of RPS readers who hate it when we say “foot-to-ball”. Quite why foot-to-ball is a problem for these foot-to-ball-hating people is hard to fathom. I mean, the sport’s called foot-to-ball, and always has been called foot-to-ball, ever since foot-to-ball was invented by Geoffrey Foot-To-Ball in 1986. Some people just like to complain, I guess. Anyhow, you can now get your hands on the demo version of FIFA Foot-To-Ball 14, if you’ll only install Origin.

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Quick Pitch: Football Manager 2014 Trailers

Left a bit. A bit more. More! Too far!
I exist outside of popular culture*. I’ve only just started to watch The Shield, and I mostly listened to Use Your Illusion II this weekend. So I had to Google ‘Gareth Bale’ to find out why everyone was talking about him, which in turn reminded me that Football Manager 2014 is coming out, and that I should get with the times. The managerial machination sim would have prepared me for the news about a Welsh person’s move to a Spanish place for more money that exists in space and time, and it would also have told me about his abilities, stats, training schedule, and possibly his cup size, but it’s not out yet and I refuse to be left behind again by looking at 2013’s information. I’ll wait for 2014’s release, and keep up by watching these videos of the game in action.

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Foot-To-Landmine: FootLOL – Epic Fail League


If I had just the right test tube and one of Mr Bunsen’s Bestest Burners, I reckon I could scientifically prove that FootLOL: Epic Fail League is the worst title since Henry VIII appointed a young cleric as his Royal Glans Grater, purely to irritate the delicate sensibilities of Pope Clement VII. As it is, all I have is a broken slide rule and a warped protractor so you’ll have to judge the title for yourself, without the guiding hand of Science to enlighten you. The game itself is currently loitering in the vicinity of Steam Greenlight and there’s an online demo. It has little in common with actual foot-to-ball, although there are teams of men hoofing a sphere about the place, being more concerned with landmines and comedic chaos. It’s quite good.

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Foot-to-Ball Commander 2013 Demonstration Edition

Someone I know knows his wife

This year as with every year, there is a brand new edition of Sports Interactive’s management goliath Foot-to-Ball Commander. The 2013 version is out next week, in fact. New features this year include over 17 new types of decomposing tobacco breath odorants to add to your manager’s Unhinged Bellow attack, the option to hurl the most racist members of your premiership team into the heart of the sun and the exclusive Gary Lineker’s Leaving Your Wife Of 20 To Shack Up With An Underwear Model Time Attack mode.

Also there’s a demo, out now on Steam.
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Pro Evolution Soccer 2013’s 2012 Demo #2

don't ask me to explain

When I was still capable of leaving the house without needing to have a nice sit down on the first bench I saw, I couldn’t make it to any sort of social gathering without bearing unwilling witness to some manner of tedious debate about how and why Pro Evolution Soccer was much better than FIFA. There were gesticulations, there were phrases like ‘ball control’ and there were near-orgasmic facial expressions. It was Quake III vs Unreal Tournament, but for bores. As far as I can tell – by which I mean by maintaining a safe distance from anyone who might ever mention it, but somehow wandering into stray comments nonetheless – FIFA now has the foot-to-ball fan’s favour once again, with Konami’s former king now on something of a back foot. I could well be wrong that, though. Listen, I’m just trying to fill space before inserting a link to the demo. Have I made it far enough yet?
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