Posts Tagged ‘Grand Theft Auto Online’

Grand Theft Auto Online Going A Bit TrackMania

I’ve been hoping Rockstar will add more singleplayer stuff to Grand Theft Auto V [official site] rather than focusing on its multiplayer, but I can hardly be upset by them turning Los Santos into some sort of Hot Wheels-y, TrackMania-ish raceground. Grand Theft Auto Online’s Cunning Stunts update (ooh those scamps!) will bring aerial raceways with loops, pipes, and rings of fire, not to mention new vehicles to race round them. It’ll launch next week. For now, look at this wackiness:

Read the rest of this entry »

Get A Job Working For Another Player In GTA Online

I'm paid to simply hold a gun like this for eight hours a day.

Not everyone can be The Big Cheese, and every gangster movie in the world shows the terrible fate befalling anyone who tries. So give up. Accept that you’re just another brick in the wall, another cog in the machine, another putz put on this beautiful green Earth to make a richer person’s life easier. Relax. It’s fine. Hey, I’m right there with you buddy. Let’s accept our fate. Let’s stop trying. Let’s embrace that futility. Let’s fill our entire lives with it. Let’s – you and me – get virtual jobs as bodyguards for richer players in Grand Theft Auto Online [official site].

Read the rest of this entry »

What Makes A Videogame House A Videogame Home?

Oh boy, am I conflicted. Fallout 4’s main plotline requires that I do this thing and as far as things go, it’s a pretty major thing and a major thing that you’d expect someone with the maternal instinct of my character Halle to crack on with straight away. The trouble is, rather than doing this major thing, for at least an hour now, she, and when I say ‘she’, I mean ‘I’, have been poking around Sanctuary, scrapping anything that glows yellow so I can salvage enough materials to build a house big enough for me and my Minutemen companions. I had largely avoided Bethesda’s drip-feed of Fallout 4 pre-publicity but when I somehow found out that the game had settlement building, I think I might have involuntarily passed a little wind in joyous anticipation.

That’s because I’ve felt a similar rosy inner glow while hanging around other hubs and houses in many other games I’ve played. I think it’s easy to underestimate the value of having a ‘home’ base option, especially in open world games where there is a free-roaming element, but it’s a part of why I love certain games.

Read the rest of this entry »

Grand Theft Auto Online Plays Thanksgiving Handegg

29! 42! 38! 87! 69! Hut! Hut! Hike! And that’s how the Pilgrims came in 1492 to the land we now know as the United States of A. One genocidal colonisation later, Thanksgiving in November is now a happy time for families to come together to eat pumpkins carved into the shape of turkeys, bicker, argue, threaten to call the police for real this year, and shout “29! 42! 38! 87! 69! Hut! Hut! Hike!” while shoving each other, just as the Pilgrims did all those years ago. This I have learned from watching American sitcoms.

This year, you can even hop into Grand Theft Auto Online [official site] to do pushing in a new American Foosbalt-inspired mode. Numbers not included.

Read the rest of this entry »

Now Rolling: Grand Theft Auto Online’s Lowriders Update

Lowriders are something to do with Marmite, as I understand it, so I’m delighted that Rockstar have dedicated an entire Grand Theft Auto Online [official site] update to this sterling British toast topping. Launched today, the Lowriders update adds loads of new ways to customise cars, which I assume include making them look like Marmite jars. You’ll also find a fourth purchasable property, new clothes, hairstyles, and accessories, extra missions, and other jazz.

Read the rest of this entry »

Grand Theft Auto Online Tacky Expensive Junk Next Week

Travis Touchdown, is that you?

I have few desires in life. I’m content as long as I have a swimsuit, somewhere cold to swim, a cool leather jacket, and a sweet neck tattoo. I earned enough to fulfil my every dream in Grand Theft Auto Online [official site] within a couple of hours. Perhaps you want more. Perhaps it’s never enough. Perhaps you want everyone to see how much money you have, and how little taste.

In that case: good news! Rockstar have two releases of expensive cars, guns, and other tacky garbage coming to GTA Online, starting next week. Hideous gold helicopter, anyone?

Read the rest of this entry »

No More Grand Theft Auto Online Heists Any Time Soon

Imagine if criminals became bored of crimes. No more robbery, no more murder, no more rob-o-murders, and a load of former perps playing tennis and swimming in mountain pools together. Oh, what a world! But for players of GTA Online [official site], becoming bored of crimes sounds awful.

Dearest friends and sweetest murderers, cherish your crimes. Don’t treat them as chores to rush through. Relish the time they allow you to spend with friends, high on adrenaline. You see, it sounds like it’ll be a while before any more Heists arrive. Other multicrime bits are coming, though.

Read the rest of this entry »