The final round popped out as Philippa racked her Beretta M9’s slide. Clack-click ti-ting. That was it. That was them. Over. She spat blood and knew the warm wailing sirens wouldn’t arrive in time. She hauled herself to the keyboard and started to type, each letter booming like so many gunshots leading to this moment. “Warr! Huah! Yeah,” she wrote. “What is she good for?” Heh. Good…

I am grateful to The Creative Assembly for continuing to make big Total War announcements so I can continue practising my Pipfic. This time they’ve announced Total War Battles: Kingdom, a free-to-play take on battles and armies and metal hats for PC and pocket telephones.

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“Warr! Huah! Yeah. What is she good for?” I like to think Philippa would open this post with. “Being furious about pencils,” she might say next, “but also writing this post about the release date of Total War: Attila.” My Pip fanfic – Pipfic, I call it – has yet to capture her tone, cadence, diction, humour, or any other aspect of her writing or personality, but I like to think I’m improving.

Sadly, we’re stuck with me writing about this. Sorry. Attila: Total War is scheduled for release on February 17th, 2015, publishers Sega announced today. Also they revealed stuff about pre-order DLC with proto-Vikings and the game’s Special Edition. Pip would do this far better.

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