Posts Tagged ‘The Citizen Kane of Games’

Alfred Hitchcock’s face licensed for a Vertigo game

Around the turn of the decade, that hot-takin’ video games discourse became consumed by a terrible question: “What is the Citizen Kane of video games?” Perhaps because any sensible intellectual ignored the raging debate in favour of e.g. twatting ghosts with a guitar in Deadly Premonition or doing crimes while dressed as a toilet in Saint Row: The Third, this question was never settled. Some people made Citizen Kane games as jokes but we may never truly know. However, if you’re willing to accept a different prestigious filmmaker, you might be thrilled by today’s news from Microïds.

What is the Vertigo of video games? That’s easy: the upcoming Vertigo game which Microïds have licensed Alfred Hitchcock’s name and likeness for. Read the rest of this entry »

Citizen Deathstick: Marlow Briggs And The MASK OF DEATH

Marlow Briggs and the Mask of Death’s Steam page is my favorite Steam page. I don’t think it’s a joke. I hope it’s not a joke. I mean, it seems decently self-aware, but I’m also whiffing the faintest hint of sincerity bludgeoning all noses within a 50 mile radius of its location. “A new breed of WARRIOR returns, committed to destroying the enemies of FREEDOM. When ONE angry man, has a world to protect – There is only ONE future – HIS OWN. No-nonsense hero Marlow never shied away from danger or trouble. But now he faces his ULTIMATE challenge. After crash-landing in Central America, he has an industrial evil to defeat whilst bound to an ancient Mayan Death Mask who’s had no-one to talk to for 2000 years.”

If Marlow Briggs does indeed have all of these things, it is the ultimate videogame. Also, John, did you write the copy for this? Come on now. Fess up.

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Citizen Kane, Ebert, And Gaming’s Inferiority Complex

I can’t believe we’re still having this goddamn discussion. 

I can’t believe I actually feel that it’s necessary for me to write this dumb article. I can’t believe that people are still arguing over what constitutes an “Ebert of Gaming” or a “Citizen Kane of Gaming” or a “Step Up 2 Fast 2 Furious XIII: Starring Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson And An Egregiously Sexualized Purple Smurf of Gaming”. I can’t believe people continue to name-drop these fairytales in hushed, reverent tones like they’re some kind of long-awaited Messiah. I can’t believe that Deus Ex creator Warren Spector is now one of those people.

Fuck this. Let’s set the record straight on gaming’s insipid inferiority complex once and for all. 

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Doesn’t Suck: Robot Vacuum Simulator 2013

*ode to joy*
I have just added a yearly reminder to my Google Calendar: July 5th, 2013: Remember the Roomba. That’s the day gaming changed forever. The day that my eyes were opened to the true capabilities of a medium that has so often failed to live up to its promise. I’ve just wiped the Half-Life 3 beta, the only copy it turns out, off my PC to make room for the game I’m about to link to, because not even Valve’s latest and greatest game can live up to it. And, yes, I am procrastinating, because I want to keep it to myself for just a little bit longer. From the makers of Robot Vacuum Simulator 2012, the Citizen Kane of games, I present Robot Vacuum Simulator 2013. The Citizen Kane 3D of games.
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