Something I always want is for as many people as possible to read RPS. The more readers we have, the better the site gets, and everybody wins. However, it turns out there are some people I hope don't find it. My mum, for instance. Or people who go to my church. School friends... I'm here to recommend you play Space Phallus. (It's working again now. Hurrah!)
It's a retro-style side-e-ways schmup in which you do battle with all many of winkies, squirting their spermy bullets toward you, from the cockpit (I said "cock"!) of a disembodied dog head. I'm so proud of me right now. And it's fun, too. But how could it not be? Created by Charlie of Charlie's Games, it does the retro just right, with chunky pixels, primitive and pleasingly rude penises, and even a computerised "SPACE PHALLUS" on launch. And it's got willies in it. Kieron's going to be upset if I don't make some sort of "head to head" joke here, so it seems people should post high scores below in order that we can somehow fit that in.
It's currently one level long, but more are promised for the future. Enormous thanks to Mat, who likes games full of ejaculating willies, for letting us know. He's in good company. Here's the trailer: