Hidden Object Game: The Movie

FADE IN

INT. FRONT HALLWAY OF HOME – DAY

Wife and husband ALISON and JAMES are heading out to the supermarket, before visiting some friends for dinner. JAMES, a hidden object game designer, is putting on his shoes. ALISON waits impatiently by the door.


ALISON
Where are the car keys, honey?

JAMES
In the cupboard above the sink.

ALISON
The keys for our car are now in a cupboard?

JAMES
Yes, the cupboard with the butterfly lock.

ALISON
A butterfly what now?

JAMES
You know, the butterfly lock. Where you slot in the two pieces of the butterfly to open the cupboard above the sink where I keep the car keys.

ALISON
Riight. So can I have the butterfly pieces then?

JAMES
I don’t have them on me.

ALISON
Then… can you tell me where they are? We’re going to be late for dinner.

JAMES
One half is in the well in the garden, the other I think I put under the bark of a tree a couple of doors down.

ALISON
What… but why would… We… we have a well?

JAMES
It’s boarded over and buried by weeds, in the far corner.

ALISON
You put them… wait, hang on, are you saying that once you’d put this butterfly thing in there you boarded it up again and then put weeds back on top?

JAMES
Sure, yeah, I guess.

ALISON
I can’t even… Whatever. What did you use to un-board the well in the first place?

JAMES
The crowbar, honey.

ALISON
We have a crowbar now? Well, okay, where is it?

JAMES
It’s in the door of the old broken down wooden cart in the field behind the house.

ALISON
Wow.

JAMES
What now?

ALISON
No, nothing, sure – it’s in the old broken down wooden cart that’s apparently in the field.

JAMES
You’re sounding really aggressive.

ALISON
I’M SOUNDING AGG… God, fine, sure, sorry. You want me to go to the wooden cart then?

JAMES
Oh, you won’t be able to get it open – one of the wheels is missing and that’s wedged the door closed.

ALISON
You mean, after you put half of the literally impossible lock for the kitchen cupboard inside a well and then boarded it up and hid it with weeds you took the crowbar and put it in an abandoned cart from – what – the 17th century – and then removed a wheel from it so the door couldn’t open?

JAMES
There’s that tone again.

ALISON
Are you kidding me?

JAMES
So I care about the security of our car. And now that has to become this whole big thing with you?

ALISON
Are you seriously… oh screw it. Yeah, fine, security. Can I have the wheel for the cart?

JAMES
Sure. One of the spokes is missing, hidden somewhere in the lighthouse, and it’ll need the rim fishing out from the bottom of the river.

ALISON
I want a divorce.

FADE OUT

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19 Comments

  1. Premium User Badge

    phuzz says:

    You’d have thought ALISON would have know what she was letting herself in for when she had to go through a series of puzzles just to find her wedding ring and realise that JAMES was asking to marry her.
    On the other hand, they knew they knew they were made for each other as soon as the realised they were the only two people in the world who’s names are in ALLCAPS.

  2. Nauallis says:

    Plot twist: James is a cellphone.

  3. Eraysor says:

    I do not understand the appeal of this sort of game at all. It might as well be spot the difference for 5 year olds.

    • Jokerme says:

      I don’t understand the appeal of FPS games. You see the pattern here?

      • Premium User Badge

        modzero says:

        I don’t understand anything :(

      • Marr says:

        That’s not actually true though, is it? As a human who has on occasion thrown a thing at another thing for entertainment, the general appeal of shooting the mans is no kind of mystery.

    • vorador says:

      It’s all my mother plays in Facewhat. That, and those horrible Bejeweled clones that King makes.

  4. Gothnak says:

    Considering the start of every Hidden Object game has a woman crashing the car avoiding a ghost in the middle of the road, i can see why James is so careful about letting his wife get the keys to the car.

    SPOILER: James is also a ghost.

  5. ghossttman says:

    In part two, having managed to retrieve the car keys, ALISON gets knocked unconscious by a ghost and has to make her own way to the supermarket.

  6. Von Uber says:

    As the father of two girls under two that sounds exactly like whenever we try to go anywhere.

  7. Rorschach617 says:

    Lets not forget that James and Allison are hoarders, never throw anything out, and their system for sorting their mounds of crap is, at best, eccentric. That is why there is a machete and a hand grenade behind the scythe to the left of the enigma machine in the outside toilet.

  8. Someoldguy says:

    Mine usually goes:
    Hmm, where are the car keys?
    Did I put them on the dresser in the bedroom as usual? Seems not.
    Did I put them on the kitchen table? Seems not.
    Did I put them on the coffee table? Seems not.
    Did I put them on the surface above the washing machine when emptying out my pockets? Seems not.
    Did I drop them on the floor? Down the sofa? Down the armchair?
    Wander around the whole house for 30 minutes checking increasingly unlikely spots as frustration gradually builds, before finding them in one of the first places I looked.

  9. April March says:

    All of James’ friends and workmates at the Racoon City Urban Planning Dept. later agreed his wife was overreacting.

  10. Premium User Badge

    pertusaria says:

    This gave me a good laugh – thank you!

  11. Koozer says:

    Is this the return of James Purefoy?

  12. geldonyetich says:

    I have intercepted a mental email from Roberta and Ken Williams, and they want you to stop prying into their personal lives.

  13. dorobo says:

    this is genius :) worked as an artist on one of those things.. what a drag.