Let’s pretend for a moment that the best part of GTA Online [official site] isn’t seeing who can go furthest when leaping off the Hollywood sign and deploying a parachute to scoot to victory before having a little bike race to the foot of a hill. Have I lost you already? Fine. I’ll wait for you to finish the bike race.
Back? Okay. So there’s apparently an update called “Gunrunning” coming. I’m tentatively interested but only because of the running part and not the gun part. Running with guns sounds unsafe. Even more unsafe than running with scissors.
“Southern San Andreas’ illegal weapons trafficking industry rises to the surface in Gunrunning, a massive new update coming this June to GTA Online,” Rockstar say.
WAIT WAIT WAIT that sounds like crimes and not like running around having fun at all.
“Dotted throughout Blaine County are hatches – look into these mysterious properties on the Maze Bank Foreclosure site and you’ll find sprawling underground headquarters for sale, ready to be stocked with new military grade vehicles and weapons manufacturing equipment capable of developing highly sought after offensive and defensive technologies. As the residents of Los Santos know, the only thing more fun than crime is profit and should you choose to invest in this new business, some extremely shady customers are ready to pay top dollar for what you can deliver.”
PFFT. When I was a GTA Online child we had to make our own fun. We had to walk a million miles to the nearest car stealing shop and we ate coal for breakfast and fought rival gangs with our trusty yoyos and got stuck trying to drive down staircases in police cars.
I mean, sure, go and be interested in your gunrunning and your fidget spinners and your star wars but know that I’m judging you.