Total(ed) War: TF2, Shogun 2 Join Sonic Racing

Naturally, Heavy's boat is propelled by miniguns.

You can’t make this stuff up. Well, I mean, I suppose it’s technically possible. I could tell you, right now, that the puck from Ricochet will be getting its own talk show on Adult Swim this fall. But is it really that much more preposterous than a Football Manager (no, not player) plying some variety of ball-based voodoo magic  in Sonic And All Stars Racing: Transformed? With Team Fortress 2’s Heavy, Spy, and Pyro, and Shogun: Total War 2’s, er, Shogun in tow, no less? Here, though, is the absolute craziest part of all: The blue-blur-themed kart racer’s apparently kind of amazing.

Yes, Sonic’s in a car. I’m well aware that makes about as much sense as putting a giraffe on a step stool, a puppy in a sweater (even if it’s cute as the dickens), or a hedgehog in shoes. But, based on what I’ve heard, the levels are enormous tributes to Sega’s better days, and transforming (which, admittedly, occurs automatically) makes them extremely dynamic.

There’s also apparently a fairly involved progression system, which – paired with a kart racer – is the stuff extremely geeky stand-up punchlines are made of. And yet, it’s there – bundled in a warm patchwork nostalgia blanket of Sonic, Jet Set Radio, Panzer Dragoon, and even more obscure stuff like Skies of Arcadia and NIGHTS.

So that’s nice. It’ll be transforming into a PC game on January 31st, which – in the grand scheme of time, existence, and humanity’s insignificant, ant-like role in a universe we can’t hope to ever fully fathom – is just a candy coated cartoon power slide away. Thank goodness for that.

Now if only we could get something like this, but even more PC-oriented. Can you imagine loopty-looping through the bowls of Black Mesa or fleeing around precarious turns as Shodan cackles at us from on high? I think I would like that. I’d like that a lot.


  1. LionsPhil says:

    So, wait. When Heavy in his hovercraft reaches land, it not only turns into a go-kart, but Heavy himself becomes Pyro?

    • Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

      He’s a spy!

    • abremms says:

      don’t be ridiculous, when the Pyro’s kart hits the water, it turns into Heavy in a hovercraft. Thats the only possible way it makes sense.

    • Nintyuk says:

      The class change is to cover each of there weaknesses, Pyro is adverse to water and your not allowed open flame on planes. Heavy on the other-hand his to big to pilot a plane and the Pyro is faster on a kart. The spy has a pilots licence for the Spy plane and he would only be mediocre in the other positions.

  2. QualityJeverage says:

    I haven’t the faintest idea if this game is actually any good or not, I haven’t heard anything good OR bad about its console releases.

    That said, this trailer made me gleeful.

    • nearly says:

      the eurogamer review that the article links to says a little of both

    • Ckarasu says:

      It’s actually quite fun, as the game has many modes and the mechanics are pretty solid. The roster is quite balanced, and none of the items are as bad as the blue shell in Mario Kart. Every item in the game can be avoided, and the AI does not have that nasty rubberbanding found in most racers of this type(at least, as far as I can tell). Stages are large and dynamic, making it quite fun to race through them. Stage memorization is still important, as the changes are predetermined, but it will likely take a bit longer to get a grip on each stage. Add a strong soundtrack and you have quite a good game, especially for its price.

      Due be warned that the game is a tad bit buggy on consoles, though the devs have stated they were working on them and likely fixed them in the PC version(due to them still working on it while the issues were brought up).

  3. Bhazor says:

    … is the Shogun voiced by Benny Hill?

    • AgamemnonV2 says:

      Sounds like he’s voiced by the same guy who does all the battle notice voices in Shogun 2: Total War. “MAH LOOOORD, OWAH FOOORCES AHHHR RIIIITRIIIITIIIIING EN A SHAMEFAH DEESPLAE!”

  4. PacketOfCrisps says:

    Football Manager? Really? If they didn’t introduce that character as such I was just going to assume his name was Generic Man.

    • Dana says:

      Well it is 2nd most played game on Steam, so, that’s that.

    • Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

      Ian Football?

      • PacketOfCrisps says:

        Ian will lead Worcester City to glory, just you wait. Probably…maybe not.

      • DrScuttles says:

        Whatever did become of Worcester City FC and their manager? Maybe Ian Football took Billy the Fish on loan and they all got killed in an aeroplane explosion.

        • nanauwbuwa says:

          The PD10 Freelander tablet computer! Now only $ 108.99! Android 4.0 + GPS +7 inch screen +1.2 GHz CPU +1 GB RAM 8GB 1080P Tablet PC! This is the best! Best buy on the web! link to

    • LordCiego says:

      Thats the joy of this cross-franchises games, you can get away with the most ridiculous of stuff.

    • colossalstrikepackage says:

      Spreadsheet Manager? Pfft. Might as well be the Microsoft paper clip.

      *chucks grenade, walks away chuckling*

      • The Random One says:

        I would play as the Microsoft paperclip.

        • PacketOfCrisps says:

          I assume all of his vehicles would be made out of paper. I don’t see the paper boat turning out too well.

          • Droopy The Dog says:

            For the water stages he could ride the dog assistant.

            The land stage he can roll along on the ball.

            And yeah, paper plane for the air stages (with a folded up excell spreadsheet printed on it, that way we can get rid of the football manager character)

          • Cross says:

            Paper planes! (MIA and Far Cry 3 reference)

        • LionsPhil says:

          I hear he fights dirty as an opponent, though.

          It looks like you’re competing in a race. Would you like help?
          ( ) Distract me with pop-up dialogues
          ( ) Fire a pickup at me that makes me lose control
          ( ) Ram me off the road
          [X] Don’t show me the minimap again.

  5. Mr_Day says:

    Bah, it should have been the engineer. That would have felt so right, you know?

    • LionsPhil says:

      It’d work for the transforming vehicles. You could also argue the scout, using the same bizzaro-logic as Sonic.

  6. ShineyBlueShoes says:

    Ok, I’m sold and the 32 of 36 reviews on metacritic that scored over 80 seem to back it up. That and the former Bizzare dev alone makes me want to get it. Now to figure out whether the Amazon version registers on Steam for sure since I have some credit there, and there’s a $5 additional credit with pre-order.

    • Chizu says:

      It’s a steamworks game, where ever you buy it, it’ll register on steam.
      Personally I got it on greenmangaming, since with their 25% off pre-purchase voucher it came to under £14

  7. Crimsoneer says:

    Wait, so it’s a sonic game that doesn’t suck?

    • Ckarasu says:

      Colors and Generations were generally regarded as good games, too. As was the previous Sonic racing game. I know it’s a joke, but it’s kinda gotten old.

      • hypercrisis says:

        Generations was pretty average in my book, the good reviews sounded like Stockholm syndrome. Sonic just doesn’t work in 3d and Sega have forgotten how to make good 2D platformers, highlighted by the mediocrity of Sonic 4 and Hell Yeah

        • Ckarasu says:

          And yet I thought it was great, and I’m not even a Sega or Sonic fan. Funny how opinions work. Don’t claim that the reviews were invalid due to some percieved bias. If they liked it, they liked it.

          • hypercrisis says:

            Well, vice-versa, just because you don’t like my opinion doesn’t invalidate it.

          • Ckarasu says:

            Never said yours was invalid. I was just saying that, in general, people seemed to like some of the recent Sonic games. If you don’t like it, that’s fine as well. To each their own.

          • xc2910 says:

            Ah… Oui, mais c’est David Gaider.

  8. rebochan says:


    …oh yea, Heavy Weapons Guy.


    • Felixader says:

      Exactly. I was so invested in Skys of Arcadia that it took me a good year to finish the game. And when i did i had this feeling of slight that you have when you have gone a long way with some really great friends.

      • TsunamiWombat says:

        ;_;7 Skies of Arcadia

        I always take Vyse when I boot up Valkyria Chronicles

        • Chizu says:

          Personally I used Aika for EVERYTHING EVER in Valkyria Chronicles. Because she was an awesome scout (even if Alicia had plot hax), Too bad Fina wasn’t a playable character.

          Skies of Arcadia remains my favourite game of all time, I adored it.
          Still really hoping the rumours of a HD release prove to be true. I’d love to replay it on my PC without the hassle of emulation (I no longer have either my Dreamcast or Gamecube).

          Also, I just know I am going to have to fight with a friend over who gets to be Vyse when playing this online.

        • Gargenville says:

          Losing a dude in Xcom has nothing on seeing Aika get shot in the face and watching her body limply drop to the ground. What the hell Sega?

  9. x3m157 says:

    I am Heavy Weapons Guy. And zis is my hovercraft.

  10. Dr. Shenanigans says:

    Pyro sounds a bit off, is it a different voice actor? (I’m serious)

    • Flavors says:

      no, same voice actors (at least according to imdb), but yeah they all sound a bit off to me. also the game has wreck-it-ralph in it(?)

      • epmode says:

        I think IMDB is off on this one. They’re soundalikes.

        • MikoSquiz says:

          Soundnotthatmuchalikes, if you ask me. I was pretty baffled by the claim it’s the same people. But they’re also quoting their own lines from TF2, so if they could get the characters, why couldn’t they get the original audio from Valve..? I’d imagine considering the structure of the company a whole lot of management bureaucracy wouldn’t get in the way.

          Although also considering the structure of the company, maybe they sent e-mails but nobody got around to answering them because they had more interesting stuff to do.

  11. hypercrisis says:

    Shenmue cameo made me buy last game. I will keep hoping

  12. Lemming says:

    It’s actually a very good game. Probably better than Mariokart, even. I’ve got it on the PS3, as I can’t imagine playing a kart racer on anything but a console.

    • Gargenville says:

      Well I mean Mario Kart 7 is absurdly good but it’s also trapped on a handheld so Sonic & the too long uncatchy name racing: subtitle kind of wins by default.

  13. Thermal Ions says:

    Is it just me or does the graphic quality of the in game sections look a bit poor? I watched it in 720p but those in game segments look more like upscaled 480p or like they’ve a complete absence of post processing, AA etc.

  14. roguewombat says:

    Wasn’t feeling it until the dubstep really kicked in.

    • Gargenville says:

      I was feeling it but then dumbstep happened.

    • tigerfort says:

      Was undecided, and then there was a horrible noise that made my brain hurt.

  15. Dominic White says:

    If you have a friend in the US who can act as the buyer, a 4-pack off Steam comes to about £12.50 each, which seems a very fair price, given that Eurogamer review. Still, it was this review that forced those precious twelve and a half quid out of my wallet:

    link to

    As someone who appreciates a good arcade racer (and especially one with a large singleplayer component), and also as an old-school Sega fan, I am SO HYPED.

    • Chizu says:

      Mark loves every game ever.
      But thats kind of why I enjoy his reviews so much, even if a games terrible he’ll find some redeeming feature in there somewhere.

  16. TsunamiWombat says:

    I don’t actually play these sorts of games

    But the idea of having a mario karty racer I can play online via my pc machine fills me with giddy childhoodness.

    So I just bought it.

  17. Snids says:

    Wow.Sumo digital have quite the pedigree. Previously Gremlin (Lotus turbo challenge) with ex Black Rock and Bizarre devs.They’re like a racing game dream team. I think theyre due to make their magnum opus.

  18. Strangerator says:

    Sonic in a car is easily explained… it’s a handicap to make it fair.

    He’s probably really bored in these races.

    • Gargenville says:

      I’ve only played the first Allstar Racing but it seemed like a pretty big missed opportunity to have his super not simply be to stick his feet out the car’s floor and Flintstone it along at mach 2 for a while.

  19. wazups2x says:

    Insta-buy for me! I need a good cart racer game for my PC. Can’t wait!

  20. The Pink Ninja says:

    It seem the next generation of games will be defined by bizarre crossovers…

    Maybe the creepy flayed dudes from Amnesia could also drive? Possibly in a cart made from dead pigs and powered by the screams of the damned?

    • LionsPhil says:

      Minecraft tried to enter into the race, but unfortunately the cuboid wheels left their vehicle’s handling with something to be desired.

      • Cross says:

        On the other hand, it’s special weapon; the diamond pickaxe, would one-shot any kart that got close.

  21. AmateurScience says:

    I’m reminded of a more batshit Diddy Kong Racing. Man I played a lot of that in days of yore.

    • Obc says:

      it reminds me of the even more wacky Crash Bandicoot racing. i played that game all day long.

    • El_Emmental says:

      Oh man, I played the hell out of that game – and the cartridge wasn’t even mine, borrowed it from a good friend. I need to find one on ‘bay or a rom.

      “I’m Drumstick !” hehe

  22. Low Life says:

    Look at you, racer. A pathetic vehicle of metal and plastic, sliding and boosting as you drive through my corridors. How can you challenge a perfect, immortal machine?

  23. Koozer says:

    As a long time Nintendo fan, I am morally obliged to dislike this game on principle. I wish someone would steal the SSB format but for PC protagonists though. The task of getting the rights to 20 different characters from different publishers would be monumental, but I can dream…

    • LionsPhil says:

      Rico Rodriguez would just grapple over to the leading car, every time.

      What boggles my poor brain is hearing such a SAYYY-GAAA game being announced for these competitor’s consoles.

  24. Robin_G says:

    It’s a little depressing how freely the TF2 cast are trotted out as promotional collateral. They couldn’t even be bothered to get the voices right. Just feels cheap and tacky. But I shouldn’t be surprised at this point.

  25. rapchee says:

    there is a bumper car mod for valve-related titles and characters (goldsource)
    link to

    • El_Emmental says:

      Ha !

      There is hope, finally ! I scrolled through the comments to see if someone had mentionned Bumpercars, that excellent HL1 mod featuring characters from many other HL1 mods (Natural Selection included).

      Thank you rapchee, you saved the day ;)

  26. Suits says:

    holy crap, sold. wanted a kart game on PC for a long time

  27. JarinArenos says:

    This is a blatantly exploitative nostalgia-grab. Shame on you, Sega.

    … because damned, if it isn’t working…

  28. Gabe McGrath says:

    I wasn’t feeling excited… till I saw the CRAZYTAXIHOVERCRAFT on the top of the Eurogamer article.
    …I like the look of that. :-)

  29. crocket21 says:

    I’m going to get it