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Total(ed) War: TF2, Shogun 2 Join Sonic Racing

Naturally, Heavy's boat is propelled by miniguns.

You can’t make this stuff up. Well, I mean, I suppose it’s technically possible. I could tell you, right now, that the puck from Ricochet will be getting its own talk show on Adult Swim this fall. But is it really that much more preposterous than a Football Manager (no, not player) plying some variety of ball-based voodoo magic  in Sonic And All Stars Racing: Transformed? With Team Fortress 2’s Heavy, Spy, and Pyro, and Shogun: Total War 2’s, er, Shogun in tow, no less? Here, though, is the absolute craziest part of all: The blue-blur-themed kart racer’s apparently kind of amazing.

Yes, Sonic’s in a car. I’m well aware that makes about as much sense as putting a giraffe on a step stool, a puppy in a sweater (even if it’s cute as the dickens), or a hedgehog in shoes. But, based on what I’ve heard, the levels are enormous tributes to Sega’s better days, and transforming (which, admittedly, occurs automatically) makes them extremely dynamic.

There’s also apparently a fairly involved progression system, which – paired with a kart racer – is the stuff extremely geeky stand-up punchlines are made of. And yet, it’s there – bundled in a warm patchwork nostalgia blanket of Sonic, Jet Set Radio, Panzer Dragoon, and even more obscure stuff like Skies of Arcadia and NIGHTS.

So that’s nice. It’ll be transforming into a PC game on January 31st, which – in the grand scheme of time, existence, and humanity’s insignificant, ant-like role in a universe we can’t hope to ever fully fathom – is just a candy coated cartoon power slide away. Thank goodness for that.

Now if only we could get something like this, but even more PC-oriented. Can you imagine loopty-looping through the bowls of Black Mesa or fleeing around precarious turns as Shodan cackles at us from on high? I think I would like that. I’d like that a lot.

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