If I have learned anything from reading other people’s opinions about Dark Souls it’s that Dark Souls is probably a metaphor for something. But what? WHAT? There are so many conflicting opinions out there.
Well, that’s where your pal, Pip (that is me), can help. I have come up with a definitive list of ways to interpret Dark Souls correctly:
Dark Souls is a metaphor for life
Dark Souls is a metaphor for death
Dark Souls is a metaphor for purgatory
Dark Souls is a metaphor for all variations on the experience of life and the afterlife and possibly also the past or the distant future or a different reality or maybe something to do with the apocalypse and armageddon (not the movie) all co-existing at the same time
Dark Souls is a metaphor for surprise parties that might go really well or be really bad and full of skeletons and you have to tell your mum why her favourite lamp is broken
Dark Souls is a metaphor for making a really beautiful piece of toast and then using out-of-date marmalade on top and suddenly it’s all gritty and you have to work really hard to get rid of the skeletons marmalade but you don’t want to give up on the toast
Dark Souls is a metaphor for the benefits of sun salutations and, by extension, regular yoga practice of any kind
Dark Souls is a metaphor for a completely different time that skeletons didn’t want you to ring a bell and got in your way all the time
Dark Souls is a metaphor for dealing with telephone helpline systems that ask you to press numbers in various patterns in order to reach customer service representatives. In this metaphor forward rolls are like when you find out that hammering 0 over and over brings you to a real person. That is a lifehack. Thank me later.
Dark Souls is a metaphor for when you were really into Radiohead as a teenager but ONLY Kid A onwards because its lack of instant accessibility makes the listening experience more rewarding
Dark Souls is a metaphor for when you are older and have to learn how to persuade a toddler over and over again to keep their sunhat on
Dark Souls is a metaphor for that piece of furniture in your house that always catches you on the shins when you’re on your way to do something else and you have to stop and deal with the shin pain and it is so annoying but there it is, all the time, giving you bruises and being part of the experience of being at your house
Dark Souls is a metaphor for the importance of bonfire night and not forgetting the actions of Guy Fawkes and thus the potential fragility of the status quo in any given political system
Dark Souls is a metaphor for Tinder and how swiping at things is the only way to defeat them. Or get dick pics from them. That is not part of the metaphor. Skeleton dick pics would be kind of pointless.
Dark Souls is a metaphor for terrestrial biomass pyramids and how we place importance on the higher trophic levels but that the prolific lower levels are a vital part of the ecosystem because the skeletons represent the insects and the algae and the plants probably