Have you ever wanted to visit Alaska? Well, now Yukon!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Here is a game about freezing to death.
The Cremation of Sam McGee by Nicholas Jennings
I like that Bob Service fella, so the chance to play a short recreation of one of his best and creepiest poems is something I wasn’t going to pass up. This is a straightforward tramp through the snow and ice of a harsh blizzard, investigating glowing areas along the way, each of which prompt a verse from the Johnny Cash reading of the poem. I like it. As you get closer to the derelict ship stuck in the ice of Lake LeBarge, the snow eases off and night begins to fall. The stars come out, the wolves howl and the sky goes all sorts of Ted Harrison colours. As a chump with both this and Dangerous Dan McGrew on his bookshelf, I give this rendition a healthy nod.
Leaf Me Alone by Mark Foster and David Fenn
“Soar like a leaf carrying a seed hauling an acorn on the wind,” as the old saying goes. This is a stubbornly 2D exploration and discovery platformer in the style of all those green places with cheery music that you remember from your days on the Snestendo. Born as a seed you come to life and wander around looking at all the neat things, entering the hollow tree rooms and asking all the right questions. Who owns this funny underground bedroom with the Wind Waker poster on the wall? Who is the big friendly lug sitting in the branches with the remains of a picnic scattered around him? Why does that squirrel always skitter off when I get close? It opens up when you find a leaf that lets you glide across gaps and from that moment this little world becomes much bigger, leading you up to the windy canopy, where king rodents reign and clouds are trapped in strange devices.
Sanix The Edgehog Adventure 2DX by VirtuaWave
A fan remake of the best era of Sanix, the friendly and determined Edgehog we all remember so well. Guide your blue buddy in his most recognisable form – as a realistic hedgehog with blue-dyed spines. Leg it through the loop-the-loops and collect the rings lest poor Sanix be bashed by a badbot or shot by a bulletwasp. Be careful in the Marble Zone, where lava is an Edgehog’s worst enemy, and rip it up in the deadly lair of Dr Robotanix, before facing the fierce man himself in his flying machine. Best your own times and those of your friends, avoid spikes and pitfalls – it’s everything the great Sanix franchise was built on. Man, I wish Seega was still around. Or that someone would at least do a HD remake of the Adventure DX games and bring back all the great Sanix characters. Tailman, Knucklebones, Aimee the Rat. Perhaps in another reality Sanix is still alive and they are still making games about him. What a wonderfully lucky world that must be.
Aftergrinder Arcade Edition by Grave Danger Games
Nah mate. Nah. You can’t get past level 1 of this game. I’m calling bullshit. You just can’t. Go on then, let me see you try it. Ha ha ha, you messed up bad. All you have to do is boost forward and swap between hoverboarding on the floor or the ceiling. Oh sure, whatever man. Not so easy now that you’ve tried, is it? I hope you never get past the first level. I hope you sit here, swapping gravity like you have for countless other runner games, unable to complete even a single level. Because you’re rubbish at games, mate. You’re as rubbish at videogames as I am, and that bothers you doesn’t it? Well, look who’s eating their sour chips now, eh. Look who’s fallen into the cabbage patch, look who’s wiping up the mayonnaise now. It’s you, mate. It’s you.
Noodle Ball by KevKev
Local multiplayer football game featuring noodle people who are not good at football. Wibble your way up to the ball as the blue or red player and attempt to score a goal with your useless noodly feet. You can jump into the ball too, if you like. But it will leave you flat on your face and vulnerable to an attacking opponent. Get up, you noodle, and get back in the game.
Loathsome Piano by theRatWives
Don’t you hate it when you’re a piano?