I was unprepared for Sonic the Hedgehog to have human teeth. Seeing as chilli dogs are his favourite food yet he eats them without soaking the bun in milk, I suppose I knew that Sonic wouldn’t have the mouth and teeth of a real hedgehog in our world. I was still not ready for human teeth and weird lips. The first trailer for the live-action Sonic the Hedgehog movie (or Sonic the Hedgepig, as it’ll likely be named in the UK) has arrived, starring a CGI hedgepig voiced by Ben Schwartz (best known as Jean-Ralphio in Parks and Recreation) alongside human actors including Jim Carrey and James Marsden, and I just wasn’t ready for the teeth.
Right so, Sonic is apparently in our world as a horrible creature that shouldn’t be. Jim Carrey’s Doctor Robotnik is brought in to capture Sonic, apparently with a series of boss-like vehicles, and wishes him harm. But wait, it’s a buddy movie, and his pal (James Marsden out
Buffy Saved by the Bell: The New Class,) will be by his side as he “navigates the complexities of life on Earth.” God, what will happen when he meets a real hedgepig?
You’ll note that it starts in a sleepy American place named Green Hills, aping ye olde Sonic the Hedgepig’s first level. You’ll note Jim Carrey is playing a Jim Carrey role. You’ll note a wee hint at the end of the trailer that Robotnik seems to end up in Sonic’s world of weird megamushrooms. You’ll note Sonic has a wet little hedgehog nose. You’ll note SONIC HAS HUMAN TEETH.
Say what you will, it’s looking better than it would were it based on the story of any actual Sonic the Hedgehog game. Hell, all video game movies are a mess but they may as well lean into the horrorshow. Give Sonic teeth. Have him try to feed a fox and flirt with a bat for all I care. DO YOUR WORST.
Sonic the Hedgehog is due in cinemas this November, unless Sega and Paramount forget to check bonfires before Guy Fawkes Night.