Author Archive

Free Loaders: Packing Heat In Latin America

I really am in Costa Rica. I am not just doing one of my 'jokes'.

Hola, amigos. This week’s edition is coming to you from San josé, Costa Rica. As some of you may know, my fearless and tenacious reporting of the Ludum Dare collective and other seditious elements of the free games community has forced me into hiding in Central America. But I will not falter. I will continue to report on these dastardly events, these subversive groups of juegistas, and these craven games, which cost exactly zero dollars. Long live the free press!

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Free Loaders: Just Chill Out And Be A Raindrop For A Sec

Dear free loader, if you are reading this it means I am either dead or safe in an undisclosed location in the Central American countryside. Either way, I am unable to communicate. Please find enclosed several free games for your clandestine purposes. I know that we have not always seen eye to eye, free loader, but I offer you these digital goods as a gesture of good faith. If used correctly they will inspire millions. Soon we will be free from tyranny. Free from the yolk of the dollar and the Great British pound. Soon, ALL games shall be free.

Except the ones on PSN. Those will still be £59.99.

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Ridealong: The Flotilla That Will Cross The Galaxy

900 pilots in Elite: Dangerous have banded together to undertake a three month expedition to the far side of the galaxy. But such a long journey into deep space has its dangers. Breakdowns, accidents, fuel shortages and even player-led pirate gangs will mean many of the pilots won’t make it. In this Ridealong, I met up with the organisers on the day of departure to witness the huge fleet launch into the deep unknown.

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Hands On: Far Cry Primal

Far Cry Primal is skulking around in the development undergrowth, waiting for the right moment to strike. We sent Brendan to observe its behaviour.

I wasn’t sure if many players would enjoy the Stone Age setting of the new Far Cry, then I saw a man from my tribe taking a painful dump behind a tree in the middle of our settlement, and I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt. This is the village of the Wenja, one of three tribes who fight it out in the world of Oros for territory and resources. The story centers on your cave man character, Takkar, as he rebuilds his people from their scattered remnants after a long ice age. There are no explosions in the year 10,000 BC, but you do get to ride around on the back of a sabretooth tiger, so there’s always that.

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Free Loaders: Playas Only Love You When They Playin’

'RhiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaNON!'

Hello there! I’m sorry to bother you like this at your computer screen but I have a cart full of free games here and I heard you were interested. Of course, have a look! Yes, some of them are falling apart, but some of them are precious and rare. What? Oh no, I wouldn’t take that one if I were you. Well, yes, I suppose it does have some intriguing chiselwork. Are you sure? I’m afraid I won’t be back for some time. How much? Ha ha! Didn’t you hear me? It’s free! Anyway, I will be off now. Goodbye, stranger. And… good luck.

*Dark Souls laugh*

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Free Loaders: The Cat Who Would Be King

What would the world be like if it was ruled by a despotic feline? Do dung beetles possess a deep knowledge of physics? What is France? All these questions and more will be answered in this week’s Free Loaders – your one-stop shop for the best free games on today’s internet.

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Free Loaders: Ensign! All Power To Psychotic AI

*gurgle* This is not *gurgle* what I came in here for!

It’s January and that means money is tight. Which makes the recent announcement by Oculus that you can buy their VR headset for £500 even more gag reflexy than expected. £500! Do you know how many free games you could get for that amount of money!? That’s right. Infinity free games.

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Audio Diary: My Ridealong With An Arma 3 Bandit

Altis Life is a mod for Arma 3 [official site] where players take on the role of paramedics, police officers, taxi drivers, salt miners and many other ordinary occupations. You start with a wad of cash and try to make your own way in the world. Maybe you start running minerals and metal between mines and refineries. Maybe you become a humble fruit picker and spend all your money on a sweet new scarf. Or maybe one day you’ll have an interview to become a medical helicopter pilot, conducted by other players. It’s all possible.

Recently I was dispatched to a UK server to make contact with the citizens. I discovered tales of banditry, traffic regulations, police corruption, salt barons and much more. Most of my information came from a criminal known as Hank. Here we offer you the chance to hear my ridealong with Hank firsthand (edited for time, of course).

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Free Loaders: Infinite Monkeys On Infinite Amstrads

It’s Boxing Day. I know tradition holds that we all fight to the death over the leftovers from yesterday’s pagan feast, atop the long-table, in full view of our clansmen and clanswomen. But let’s take a moment to appreciate that, while the rest of us are throwing bones at one another and plotting various tribal coups and possibly some patricide, there are people out there still making free games. May the winter gods bless them, and may they fight like demons on the table.

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Free Loaders: Another Vine Mess You’ve Got Me Into

Hey girl, are you classified as an invasive weed by several horticultural and ecological authorities? Because you are looking VINE.

Several hundred people were caught in an explosion of free games in a remote region of the internet this week, witnesses have reported. The blast occurred shortly after the announcement of a “game jam” by renegade anarcho-syndacalist organisation Ludum Dare. Ludum Dare is thought to be composed of rogue elements from a number of nation states. It is not clear what their demands are at this moment but a source close to the clandestine group said: “lol! #LDJAM”

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