Author Archive

Premature Evaluation – PULSAR: Lost Colony

Hello everybody! Rob is away so Brendan has been drafted in to prematurely evaluate this week. He has decided to go into deep space (again). Only this time, he has a team of cohorts helping him out in PULSAR: Lost Colony. Will the crew become famous throughout the galaxy? Or will they die in a fiery blaze of unimportance? Read on to find out!

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Wot I Think: Duskers

After nine months in the womb of early access, Duskers has finally been born. Out it comes, snarling and writhing like the science fiction nightmare it is, covered in slime and engine oil. Congratulations, game developers! It’s beautiful. No, really, it is. And here’s Brendan to tell you why.

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Free Loaders: Of Biker Mice And Men

Have you ever wanted to ride through the desert, just you and your bike, without a care in the world? Free from the law? Free from society? Free from those weird black trucks that follow you everywhere? Well, don’t worry. The world’s premier free games column has you covered.

(We also have a game about tyrannical cyber-Egyptians, if you’re into that instead).

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Free Loaders: Not Safe For Work Or Your Mum’s House

It is a truth universally acknowledged that the human penis is in want of a photographer. A fundamentally interesting organ, it is versatile, yet vulnerable. Undeniably ugly and yet, somehow, ugly in all the right ways. It is this humble male appendage which brings us all together this week. Suffice to say, do not read on if your boss is sitting next to you. Unless you work for a sex shop, or like, I don’t know, a dildo factory.

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Free Loaders: No One Can Oust The King Of Herrings

This is the giant oarfish, also known as the “King of Herrings”. I learned about this monstrous fish – the largest ‘bony fish’ in existence – thanks to one of the games in this week’s line up. You too can learn about strange and terrifying marine creatures if you click ‘read more’.

Also, please play some of these games.

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Ridealong: The Underground Fight Clubs Of Dark Souls III

When Dingle arrives at the circular ruins outside the old church, the first thing he sees is a man in a crown, holding a flaming torch – it is the man he must kill. But the crowned man shows no fear, he simply waves and beckons him over. Dingle is curious. He approaches with caution and looks into the grassy arena below, where he sees two dark spirits – red phantoms like himself – taking swings at each other. The man in the crown begins silently dropping glowing stones everywhere, one by one. There are two more red phantoms squatting on the stone ledge nearby, quietly watching the duel below.

Dingle (full name: Dingle Dongle) looks at the fight, then at the man he is supposed to kill, then at the spectators. Then he does something that more and more dark spirits in Lothric are doing. He puts his weapon away, he sits down and he waits his turn.

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Free Loaders: There’s A Storm Coming

A series of bizarre typhoons struck coastlines in dozens of countries last week in a global phenomenon many are calling the ‘Ludum Storm’. The tempests appear without warning and produce a heavy downpour of free games, leading many to suspect the Ludum Darists to be somehow behind the surreal weather. Our sources say that elements calling themselves ‘the 35th Division’ have taken responsibility for the storms. Forecasters are warning people to stay inside, close their windows and to play only “safe, expensive videogames.”

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