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Brendan Caldwell

3 days ago

Feature: If I die before I wake...

Session’s ragdolls and replays are a strong skateboarding combo

Skater bois and skater goils, rejoice. There is a new skateboarding game rolling around. Session is an early access ollie 'em up with a familiar twin-stick setup and a big concrete playground to cruise around in. Steve did not enjoy it in his early access review. But for me, "the QWOP of skateboarding games" sounds perfect. And as the only person in the RPS treehouse…

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5 days ago

Feature: Click-click-click

Have You Played… Copter?

Speak not to me of your Flappy Bird, childling. I only sup from the finest Flash cup. In here? Why, it's fully liquidised Copter. Please, have a taste. Ah yes, I can tell from your crinkling nose and gurning, twisted mouth that you do not see anything special about this crude single-click game of helicoptering through a simplistic cavern of lime green walls. Please, go…

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1 week ago

Feature: Unboxing the message

Wilmot’s Warehouse’s motivational posters are a deadpan anti-reward

Could you pass me that block of cheese? No, the other one, the blue one. No, that's a slice of cake. The chee-- oh, for heaven's sake, I'll get it myself. Honestly, you shouldn't be playing sorting simulator Wilmot's Warehouse with an attitude like that. You're clearly not enthusiastic about the minimalist pile 'em up we can't stop playing. Maybe a few of its motivational…

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2 weeks ago

Zafina the astrologist turns her hand to Tekken 7, plus new moves for everyone else

Hello biffers, your Mars is in ascendance. That astrologist you consulted about your mortgage now has a relatable character to use in punchsome fighting game Tekken 7. Zafina is a purple clad fighter with a keen interest in the stars circling your head after she knocks you the flip out. She also has a giant claw for a hand, because what self-respecting Gemini doesn't have…

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Feature: Bang-a-lore

Apex Legends: a complete and 100% accurate guide to all characters’ backstories

Hello leg ends. A new event has come to the royale battlefield of Apex Legends this week, all themed around the character Wraith, who has the power to hear when you are talking about her, so let's say for the record how fabulous and strong she is. Anyway, alongside the update, the developers have released a lore trailer in which our favourite white-eyed warrior is…

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3 weeks ago

Feature: Speedy delivery

Timelapses in Wilmot’s Warehouse are supremely satisfying

If you do not understand the low-key cerebral pleasure of inventory management, then what are you even doing playing videogames? Get out. Everyone else, welcome to Wilmot's Warehouse. A whole game about fiddling with your inventory and wrestling for space amid piles of bananas and hair dryers. It's basically a giant version of that suitcase in Resident Evil 4 that holds all of Leon Kennedy's…

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Feature: Meh witch

Blair Witch review

The best thing about Blair Witch is that the main character carries a knock-off Nokia phone. I spent the first 15 minutes of this horror game fiddling with a 1990s mobile, calling a pizzeria, snooping through old texts, and collecting tiny squares in an off-brand version of Snake called "Cobra Masters". It's such a good facsimile of the crap phones of yesteryear, I found myself…

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Feature: "Obey zee rulez"

Have You Played… Prisoner Of War?

Absurdly bad German accents. That’s what happened in this game. Prisoner Of War was a stealthy third-person adventure game about breaking out of a POW camp during World War 2. Except every time you broke out of camp, the German army simply caught you and put you in a bigger, worser camp. Eventually, you end up in Colditz, which is like Hogwarts but with Nazis.

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No Man’s Sky explorer makes futuristic museum for alien relics

I won't pretend to understand what a Stabilised Reality Glitch is in spacefaring planet-hopper No Man's Sky, but when I see a bunch of them gathered together on podiums in a remote interplanetary museum, I will say: "cool". A player has done just that, bringing each of the rare trophy items to a minimalist monument and placing them on display, like some sort of curator…

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4 weeks ago

Feature: Grate apes

Ancestors: The Humankind Odyssey review

Letting you be an animal is something more games could do. Not a cartoon cat, or a twee fox, but a real non-human brute, forced to live in a realistic natural world, and sup water from stagnant pools because the nice stream has been conquered by snakes. Ancestors: The Humankind Odyssey takes up that challenge with some ambition and a lot of admiration for the…

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Feature: Taking the Hiss

Control review

Control wasn't what I was expecting. The developers of this third-person psy-shooter have been nattering about “weird fiction” and belabouring the game's literary inspirations. After telekinetically yeeting myself through it, however, I’ve found little insightful storytelling, just a trad conspiracy/mystery story, and lots of colourful excuses as to how someone can suddenly develop superpowers. But when it feels this satisfying to lift an office chair…

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Feature: Do a kickflip

Have You Played… Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2?

We’ve already done Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3 for this regular feature. So let’s talk about its predecessor, the first Hawk 'em up to hit the PC. It was all about skatey combos. Pulling 180 bumflips and 360 trumpbokes, while admiring level gimmicks like a helicopter taking off, or power lines crashing down, or cars rumbling through the streets beeping their horns at you, you…

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1 month ago

Feature: How to use a shrink ray on the immersive sim

Streets Of Rogue’s creator on how he stuffed a tiny city with ideas

Streets Of Rogue is a tiny Deus Ex about being stupid. It’s good. If you haven’t heard us shouting about this teeny-yet-turbulent roguelite, then you haven’t been paying attention. To add to the cacophony, I spoke to its creator, Matt Dabrowski, about troublesome bodysnatchers, rampaging giants, vague sequel plans, and how he went about brute-forcing as many silly ideas as possible into a tiny toy…

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Apex Legends’ stunt gauntlet is neat but the new loot shop is crap

If you are one of the three people I gassed to death last night in a giant plyboard stunt arena, I am sorry. I was overly enthusiastic about the new gauntlet that appeared on the map of Apex Legends, the game we were playing. That enthusiasm got to my head. I misjudged your friendly rifle potshots as an invitation to fill your lungs with toxic…

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Feature: A people-chucking bigbot

Have You Played… Slave Zero?

Mechwarrior? No, thank you. Transformers? No, sir. Heavy Gear? Not my stompy president. That's correct, the super-sized mass-murdering robot of my desires is from Slave Zero. An absolutely mediocre action game, if my memory of blasting buildings into rubble in 1999 is accurate. But it also let you pluck people off the streets and yeet them sky high, like fleshy little pebbles. That was cool.

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Feature: Prepare to die

Dicey Dungeons review

There is a happy Saturday morning feel to Dicey Dungeons. It's as if you’re munching on Coco Pops and watching cartoons, as you fiddle with some toy dice that came free in the cereal box. This is a sorta-deckbuilding game about being transformed into a walking, talking dice and battling creatures on a rigged game show for a chance to "SPIN THE WHEEL" (the wheel…

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