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Brendan Caldwell

20 hours ago

3 days ago

Feature: WELL!?

What are we playing this weekend?

We have zero Alices in work today, and everything is collapsing. The life force of the RPS treehouse is drifting lazily out of all the windows, like some sort of JRPG miasma. Without the Alices, we're doomed. Something drastic must be done. Perhaps... yes, here it is. Alice O told me only to use this strange device in an emergency. But if this isn't a…

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5 days ago

Tools Up looks like the Overcooked of house renovation

Put that putty knife down, you storming degenerate. You’re a terrible decorator, we all know that. But listen, that doesn’t mean you can’t follow your dream in the fantastical realm of the videogame. Tools Up will let you to indulge in that wallpaper-stripping you love so much. It’s a “couch co-op game about renovating apartments in a mysterious skyscraper.” Four players, a new sofa, some…

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Traffix is a simple game that puts you in charge of the traffic lights

Traffix sounds like the name of a breakfast cereal made from five whole grains that’s full of fibre for the whole family. But no, listen. It’s a small and simple game about controlling the flow of traffic by clicking on wee lights. You basically have to keep the cars moving and avoid jams or pile-ups, but it’s all done with a minimalistic Mini Metro vibe.…

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Feature: Knife to meet you

Once Upon A Crime In The West is a funny murder mystery in a snow-covered bar

Everyone is dead when you arrive at The Mount Inn. Well, almost everyone. Only the bartender is left alive, among a scattering of cowboy corpses. “My memory is little hazy” he says. “Don’t know why.” It’s probably because he has a knife stuck in his head. This is Once Upon A Crime In The West, the third murder mystery game from the folks who made…

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1 week ago

Feature: Forsooth, it's good

Astrologaster review

Dramatic irony: the videogame. That’s basically what you’ve got in Astrologaster. It’s a choose-your-own-tragicomedy set in Elizabethan England, where you play an astrologist and “doctor of physik” called Simon Forman, who gives his patients counsel as well as tinctures. Both his advice and potions are of questionable quality. It’s a story reminiscent of Blackadder, dripping with sarcasm, theatrical and funny. At times it doubles up…

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2 weeks ago

Feature: Kiryu-chaaaaaaan!

Yakuza Kiwami 2 review

The first thing you do in Yakuza Kiwami 2 is walk through a graveyard. As caring dad hero, Kiryu, you’re visiting the resting place of those who died at the end of the previous game. It’s a sombre moment, a cemetery visit with your adoptive daughter to pay respects to loved ones killed in terrible circumstances. You bow your head and inspect the graves. Then…

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Feature: Hail the worm

Have You Played… Death Worm?

Tremors, but a game. You are a big sand worm, like the slithering giant in Dune, and your goal is to eat the poor folk of Egypt and their camels (or another applicable country). Then you grow. You eat their jeeps. Their soldiers. Their helicopters. Death Worm is the straightforward game of ye olde Centipede made into something twice as vicious, but just as simple.

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3 weeks ago

Feature: Oil deal with this

Have You Played… Olive Wars?

Ah, fickle memory, what nebulous relic have you brought me today? Ah yes, Olive Wars. I remember Olive Wars. You played as an olive, and you fought in a valiant war. Your enemies were the airborne vegetables of contempt. Broccoli, tomato, peppers, avocado. The vegetables of the skies. They must be brought down. Yes, memory, you have brought me a good nugget of pointless wonder…

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Mortal Kombat 11 patch eases up painful Towers of Time mode, and gives players a gift

Time-travelling punch ‘em up Mortal Kombat 11 is a good fighting game, if you trust the stupid words of my past self in this Mortal Kombat 11 review. The present-day version of myself will remind you that it has a stingy streak when it comes to doling out its various krypto kurrencies. Rewards for fights are often measly and getting new costumes and gear for…

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Feature: When it comes to the krunch

Mortal Kombat 11 review

It’s got blood and you punch people. There, review over. I sometimes wish this job was as straightforward as that. Mortal Kombat 11 is a biff ‘em up of brutal strength and quick reflexes. It has a bin lorry’s worth of microtransaction trash heaped on top of it, the PC version is lagging behind the console version as regards patches, and it was made at…

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4 weeks ago

Heaven’s Vault adds better fast travel to your sky-boat

Do you speak the old language? No, not High Valyrian, get away from me. I mean Ancient, the mysterious language of archeological adventure game Heaven’s Vault. It is very cool. The word "sky" translates to "star-place". The word for “traitor” is “person-who-does-not-truth”. That’s wonderful. Less wonderful are the game’s niggles and annoying quirks, the kind that Alice B pointed out in her Heaven’s Vault review.…

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Feature: Breakfast is served at never

Have You Played… Habbo Hotel?

I would like to say Habbo Hotel spread from school child to school child like a Flash-powered lice infection, until it nested in my own home computer, because that is a colourful metaphor that expresses my distrust of the sickly internet games that plagued my early teens. But really I found it by chance. It was a mostly innocent sorta-MMO about being a tiny lego-like…

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1 month ago

Silly siege warfare of King Arthur’s Gold is going free-to-play

Jumping jesters, would you look at this. Cracking multiplayer siege ‘em up King Arthur’s Gold is going free-to-play, say the creators. This is A-grade news. News that makes me want to put both thumbs up. Hang on. There, botrh thumbs s up now but actualy itsquite hard to typewith just your pinkie s at jhis angle so let’s stop. Anyway, yes, this is a game…

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Risk Of Rain 2 brings magma worm down to earth with a fiery update

Risk Of Rain 2 is the second roguelikelike shooter that falsely declares itself to be about weather when it’s really about firing innumerable bullets at hellish demons. This one is in 3D, and some players have been frowning and muttering about various shortcomings, like bosses being “too grindy”. An update yesterday hopes to turn those frowns rightside-around, making one fiery baddie in particular a little…

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