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Brendan Caldwell

2 days ago

Feature: One Off The List

The 9 stompiest mechs in PC games

Mech love, not war. That is the lesson we must learn from the futuristic prophecies of the MechWarrior games. Yes, it is very noble to slam your big steel shoes upon a separatist’s bedroom, and to laser him in the head. But would it not bring greater valour, greater unity, greater enlightenment, if those same 65-ton brogues were used … to dance! No. Here is…

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1 week ago

Feature: One Off The List

The 9 harshest winters in games

‘Tis the season / use a brolly / tra la la la / la la la la. Hello, it's me, the list goblin, here in this festive first week of December to deliver a big black bin bag of presents to you. And by presents, I mean a single irrevocable inventory of the most disastrous and terrible winters in the videogames of recent history. Yes,…

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2 weeks ago

Feature: One Off The List

17 reasons to be thankful in games

Gather round, descendants of unwelcome occupiers. It is time to celebrate turkeys again. Now, I don’t have any comically large birds to slaughter, but I do recognise the emotional benefit of reflection, which is what this questionable holiday is all about. Being thankful. There are many small things we videosgamers take for granted, the stuff you don’t even think about. But tiny “quality of life”…

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3 weeks ago

Feature: One Off The List

The 7 most needless minigames

Minigames are the coffee Revel of videogames. They are harmless, infrequent and unpleasant to think about. We accept their presence, yet no one has ever eaten a pack of Revels and wished for more coffee nuggets. Nobody completed Final Fantasy X and thought: “Needs more Blitzball”. That minigames exist as a mild distraction inside the glowing guts of other games is itself ridiculous. Imagine you…

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4 weeks ago

Feature: Shadows Jedi twice

Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order review

Many of us don't want much thought from our warring among the stars. We merely want to spend a few days, brainlessly force-pushing stormtroopers into a bottomless pit. We want to be infantilsed and reassured by a cosy multi-million-dollar franchise. We want a kindly alien dockworker called Prouf to rock us to sleep in his big strong arms, and gurgle amusing words as shiny space…

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1 month ago

Feature: One Off The List

The 8 least qualified Jedi in Star Wars games

Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order is out today, letting you follow in the roguish bootprints of young force punter Cal Kestis, played here by Archie of Archie comics. In celebration of his boyish padawan appearance, and the way he uses a deadly weapon like you’d use a torch app with dodgy permissions to find your keys, let’s make a list. A list of the least…

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2 months ago

Feature: There's only one king...

The 10 best fighting games on PC

Hey you, I heard your breath smells like a fart. What are you gonna do about it? Fight me!? Excellent. I was hoping you’d say that, because I’ve put together a list of the 10 best fighting games on PC, and it would be fantastic if you came and had a look, gave your thoughts, and maybe elbowed me in the teeth while you’re at…

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Feature: Why every survival game needs wheat

Game DNA: Making yourself a home

I was homeless when I discovered Minecraft -- not homeless in the street-sleeping sense, thankfully. Only in the sofa-surfing sense. I had a bed, even. The creaking cabin bed of two friends who took pity on me and let me crash for a few months in their house, while I sullied my fingertips with sambuca in a dank Yorkshire nightclub for part-time pound coins. My…

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Feature: Fighting back

Have You Played… For Honor?

When For Honor first pummelled its way onto the parapets of PC gaming, it was frustrating. The blow-by-blow of this ahistorical brawler presented a tough fighting game with all sorts of dastardly antics thrown in. Ledges, spikes, traps, ladders. But the gamey infrastructure around it was a disaster. Disconnections, lag, crappy matchmaking, and that all-too-common stinginess when it came to post-match rewards. A rusty pair…

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Feature: In honour of His Souliness

The 10 best games like Dark Souls

Sorry, definition nerds. “Soulslike” is a word now. Disgusting, I know, but this is how genres are made. Along comes a giant like Dark Souls that everybody won’t stop bleating about and soon it has copycats. Before you know it, a swarm of like-minded games with sparse checkpoints and lethal attacks are scuttling around, leaving slime trails and biting your ankles for surprisingly massive damage.…

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3 months ago

Feature: Well?

What are we all playing this weekend?

Yet another economy cycle of time has passed, leaving us all washed-out and limp in the laundry basket of life. What better way to bring some faded colour back to the coarse fabric of your delicate body than to play a videogame with friends. Or even without friends. These two days of precious freedom are yours, weird clothes-person. I won't tell you what to do.…

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Feature: Look in your CD tray

Have You Played… The Crimson Room?

Before escape rooms leaked into the dread jelly of everyday crises we call reality, they were confined to the flashy realms of Newgrounds and other free game websites. But the one I remember best was The Crimson Room, much more than its clue-hunting follow-up The Viridian Room anyway. Or, heaven forbid, The Blue Chamber.

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Feature: Resurgent

The Surge 2 review

Ten hours into The Surge 2 I was still finding new shortcuts back to the cybernetic medical bay I called home. This to me is what makes a good Soulslike. I'm now 30 hours deep and have uncovered tons of unlockable gates, hidden paths, magnetic lifts, and zoomy zipwires, all criss-crossing one another like the pastry pattern on a nice, hot pie. The desolated sci-fi…

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Feature: If I die before I wake...

Session’s ragdolls and replays are a strong skateboarding combo

Skater bois and skater goils, rejoice. There is a new skateboarding game rolling around. Session is an early access ollie 'em up with a familiar twin-stick setup and a big concrete playground to cruise around in. Steve did not enjoy it in his early access review. But for me, "the QWOP of skateboarding games" sounds perfect. And as the only person in the RPS treehouse…

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Feature: Click-click-click

Have You Played… Copter?

Speak not to me of your Flappy Bird, childling. I only sup from the finest Flash cup. In here? Why, it's fully liquidised Copter. Please, have a taste. Ah yes, I can tell from your crinkling nose and gurning, twisted mouth that you do not see anything special about this crude single-click game of helicoptering through a simplistic cavern of lime green walls. Please, go…

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Feature: Unboxing the message

Wilmot’s Warehouse’s motivational posters are a deadpan anti-reward

Could you pass me that block of cheese? No, the other one, the blue one. No, that's a slice of cake. The chee-- oh, for heaven's sake, I'll get it myself. Honestly, you shouldn't be playing sorting simulator Wilmot's Warehouse with an attitude like that. You're clearly not enthusiastic about the minimalist pile 'em up we can't stop playing. Maybe a few of its motivational…

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Zafina the astrologist turns her hand to Tekken 7, plus new moves for everyone else

Hello biffers, your Mars is in ascendance. That astrologist you consulted about your mortgage now has a relatable character to use in punchsome fighting game Tekken 7. Zafina is a purple clad fighter with a keen interest in the stars circling your head after she knocks you the flip out. She also has a giant claw for a hand, because what self-respecting Gemini doesn't have…

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