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Posts tagged “Do Don’t”
It has been far too long since I issued some decrees from my throne atop Gaming Mountain.There has been some confusion in the past about the availability of potential to disagree with these mandates, so to be absolutely clear: there isn't. They're rules. You follow them, or, you know, you die. Simple enough.
I was in John's office the other day watering April, his Aspidistra, for him (He was on holiday, and the nearest WC is a good 150m away) when I happened to notice this forgotten format poking out from under a stack of old issues of What Cat?. “I'll have that!” I thought, and into my BOAC hold-all it went. With luck it will be back…
For four years now, I have been fixing all of gaming with mandatory decrees for the future state of development. There used to be some who would disagree with elements. Used to be. Now the series continues, with a selection of Dos and Don'ts for those developing survival games.
The latest collection of court-mandated rules for games and games developers have been issued from the Authority. Who is me. And if you want things to go smoothly, you'll follow my instructions. Call the police, and I start killing hostages. So nice and slowly, put down your weapons and obey me. And obey the first fifty rules too.
There has been confusion in the past over whether our stating something on RPS has direct impact on the whole of the games industry. When we suggest, say, there should be more female lead characters, awful people become enraged, certain that our commands will be obeyed ruining their manly games with ponytails and copies of More magazine. Let us just make it absolutely clear that…
It's important that everyone stay calm and do as I say.
It's been over a year since I last unleashed my law-commanding fist of righteousness. This is intolerable. So thankfully the list of rules that games developers and publishers are FORCED BY INTERNATIONAL LAW to follow have been further extended. Six new rules are added to the lexicon. Failure to obey them results in instant withering looks and sighing disappointment from their mums.
I love rules. Not following them, of course - that's for other people. I love writing them. And since I'm the best qualified to decide how everyone else is allowed to behave, it's only appropriate that I be in charge of everything. So it is that I have been making clear the Rules For Games, both for developers and for players, in an ongoing series…
It's time for the return of my irregular series in which I tell games developers exactly what they must do and not do if they want to avoid being flayed and rolled in salt. You can see the rest of these rules here. It's quite simple: obey my commands and everyone will be happy. No one needs to lose a life.
Six months ago I took over the world. My decrees for gaming are the result, and all developers and publishers are obliged to follow them. You can read previous entreaties here. Since they only began half a year ago we haven't seen the results yet, but any day now. Here is a third instalment of that which must be obeyed.DO: let me choose my game…
I'm in charge. This is firmly established (citation needed). So it's important I continue to decree my rulings. All must obey, for I am as bad as BP and I burn in hell. Fear me.
It's about time everyone in the games industry did what I tell them.So starting today, here's the first of my Do And Don't guides. Obey them, developers. Live longer.