The Monday Melee: Two Worlds II Trailer

By Quintin Smith on October 25th, 2010 at 9:20 am.

Wearing full armour at home is the old wearing sunglasses indoors.

Last we saw of Two Worlds II, developers Southpeak were cheerily mocking the first game in a series of videos. Evidently with the game’s Jan 2011 release date coming up, the time for such jokes is OVER.

The trailer below shows a FEROCIOUS BATTLE between HUMANS (I think?) and NOT-ORCS. The bloody fight takes place at the coast next to OSWAROTH, a city next to the DRA’KAR DESERT. There is an AXE. There is PAIN. There is a BIRD, who may or may not be the NARRATOR. Have you had breakfast yet? Did you sleep well? Because if not, you might just LOSE CONTROL and POP A BONER.

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59 Comments »

  1. Torqual says:

    Its clearly a battle humans against steroid elves. This is no rendersequenz its ingame grafic.

    Have a nice day

  2. Brumisator says:

    I hope they don’t shoot themselves in the foot after all that self-depreciation.

  3. Antlia says:

    These MMO trailers are quite sad actually as they don’t represent the gameplay at all.

  4. arjuna says:

    I agree, ‘LOSE CONTROL and POP A BONER’ is a much better line than ‘PEE YOURSELF’.

    As in it was more accurate.

  5. Dzamir says:

    But what I want is…. THREE WORLDS 3

  6. Vaerriek says:

    Wonder if the melee combat is still atrocious in this one.

  7. Flaringo says:

    What kind of bird is that?

    • Vaerriek says:

      The talking kind!

    • Quintin Smith says:

      A seagull. No- a wargull!

    • Subject 706 says:

      If you’ve ever been around seagulls when they have chicks, ‘wargull’ becomes a most fitting name.

      I live by the sea, where lots of seagulls nest, unfortunately. The wargulls have become so annyoing that the city has ordered them to be culled. I just wish they would let me do it. With a flamethrower.

    • Quintin Smith says:

      Yeah. Seagulls are second only to vixens in the horrible noises stakes. Vixens are unbelievable.

    • Subject 706 says:

      Oh, if it were only noise…they actively try to crap on you, and bump you in the head with their flat bird-feet.

    • Huggster says:

      I have to comment about vixens. I was woken up at around 3am by what sounded like 3 toddlers and Nigella Laswon rummaging through my bins and crooning at the moon.

      Twas the most disturbing sound I ever heard.

    • Saiko Kila says:

      Vixens? What kind of bird is that?

    • Quintin Smith says:

      Vixens are female foxes. The internet is failing me here, but imagine this:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cPg7_nyoBc&feature=fvw

      Except more frenzied and sustained and happening RIGHT OUTSIDE YOUR BEDROOM WINDOW at 3AM.

    • Saiko Kila says:

      Thank you. I knew that vixens were female foxes, but couldn’t believe they can be as noisy as seagulls, so thought there might be other flying devil named so. Heh, the sound is different than female cats produce for example, but also quite bothersome. Werewolves could sound the same, if they were true. Kinky animals.

    • Ignorant Texan says:

      Peacocks are also really fucking LOUD.

    • Mad Hamish says:

      Now there’s a noise that will be with me to my grave. Over in London for a few days staying with my sister. The area seemed home to some very promiscuous foxes. The first night you hear it and have no idea what the hell it is, you don’t know whether to call the police or just hide under the bed covers and hope it doesn’t come to get you.

    • TWeaK says:

      I know it’s not a swan but….

      My name’s Bobin Threadbare, are you my mother?

    • FRIENDLYUNIT says:

      And I though possums were bad. They just make a sound like someone clearing their throat in an enthusiastic and sustained manner. Also, when they do it while walking past your window on top of a fence it’s relatively easy to push them off it.

  8. olemars says:

    Is that screenshot from this game? Because it looks like it’s lifted straight out of oblivion. The puzzled, dim-witted expression in the soldier’s face is a complete giveaway.

    Also, “Two Worlds II”. Did they think that title through?

  9. Nihilille says:

    Pop a boner is such an excellent phrase. I’ll begin to incorporate it in my vocabulary on a daily basis from now on.

  10. Nick says:

    That insanely annoying voice over unpopped my boner :(

  11. AndrewC says:

    POP A BONER is such an excellent game verb, but the APM recquired in modern games to SUSTAIN BONER is exhausting to me. I don’t know how the kids do it.

  12. the wiseass says:

    I like the curled up eyebrows. That is all. No boner here.

  13. derella says:

    This makes me want a new Elder Scrolls game… It’s been too long since Oblivion.

  14. Al3xand3r says:

    Better than BIoware’s cut scenes.

  15. wcaypahwat says:

    I am somewhat bemused.

  16. Eclipse says:

    Two World 1 sucked balls, let’s hope this one is at least a tiny bit better

  17. suibhne says:

    Oh my, that was…incoherent.

    And brandnew!

  18. X2-Eliah says:

    I do not get it. Generic trailer #356c. What’s good about this thing?

  19. Urthman says:

    Still more parody, surely?

    I was waiting for a record scratch and a cut to the Seventh-Grader-Obsessed-With-Hamlet from Episode 4 getting run out of the Southpeak office with the developers yelling, “We fired you! Get out!”

  20. GlobalFrequency says:

    Not a single bear and no mention of taint at all in that trailer. Looks like another sequel that fails to capture any of the greatness of the original.

  21. jeremypeel says:

    I hope the bird-narration was the reason for that… bizzare enunciation throughout. And I hope the bland, generic high fantasy battle scene was a result of the bird’s limited imagination, and actually the sign of innovative changes in perspective, going further even that Dragon Age 2 is doing.

  22. Okami says:

    Why on earth is a Chaos Champion helping Empire Soldiers fight against an Ogre Kingdoms army?

  23. bill says:

    Why is sauron fighting the orc guy – and losing?
    I don’t remember that from the last time i watched LOTR… is this another extended edition?

    Also, are there any CRPGs where we actually get to do this kind of stuff, on a grand scale, like in fantasy movies or books? Usually it’s wandering around with 3 other people fetching stuff – hardly epic.

  24. MrThingy says:

    Interesting voice over.

    Sounds like Auntie Bertha’s been polishing off the Gin again…

  25. Jimbo says:

    History became legend. Legend became myth. And for two and a half thousand years, Reality Pump missed their release dates.

  26. TariqOne says:

    Or “twit.”

  27. My opinion is terrible and I'm sorry says:

    Okay I cannot be the only one wanting a game where you play as the enormous brutish not-orcs, right? It would be called ‘Punch, Ogre, Punch!’ and it would follow the adventures of Thrug as he tried to make his life in a harsh world filled with dwarves and delicious elves :D

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