Have You Played… Mall Quest?

Have You Played? is an endless stream of game recommendations. One a day, every day of the year, perhaps for all time.

Mall Quest [official site] is a special hell, a sprawling vaporwave mall filled with poorly-labelled products, garish decor, and pink fog. In your hands, a shopping list of items you must find and buy so you can leave. This is hell. This is my hell.

While you can guess which shops sell what you’re looking for, you don’t have a map. And you’ll need to approach every item to see their name. And mallgoers will start filling the place with litter, which you can slip on and lose money. And hoodlums will start filtering in to rob you. But it’s fine, just find the five items and get out. Try to remember where you saw that Windows shop. Try to figure out where the corners are to get more cash from ATMs. Try not to lose your cool between the frustration and the harsh lights and the muzak and oh god I’m going again.

You can find and buy items that’ll help you run faster and jump higher, but doesn’t that make the torment even more frantic?

This is my hell but I keep going back every now and then, just to check. I popped back to take that screenshot and yep, yep, it’s still hell and I still can’t resist dashing through these shops and chatting to shoppers.

21 Comments

  1. Premium User Badge

    Maltose says:

    Murica Simulator 2015.

    • arienette says:

      Murica Simulator 1995, rather.

    • dethtoll says:

      Yeah, malls are well and truly dead. There’s entire Facebook pages dedicated to photographing their corpses.

      • TillEulenspiegel says:

        So where do suburban kids hang out these days? In most places, there aren’t a lot of options.

        • pepperfez says:

          Facebook pages about malls?

        • dethtoll says:

          Same places they hung out before malls: street corners, back alleys, disused infrastructure and abandoned buildings.

          • Somerled says:

            i.e. malls

          • dethtoll says:

            Clever!

          • HERP DERP NANOMACHINES says:

            Haha isn’t it funny how city planners are too stupid to think of planing on making places for young people to exist, let alone do constructive activities?

            Adults are literally useless.

  2. aim4infinity says:

    Those character sprites are all ripped straight from Earthbound…

    • roothorick says:

      Yeah, that was the first thing that jumped out at me. They’re asking donations for a game with stolen assets. RPS should NOT be endorsing this.

      • SamuelKikaijin says:

        “Sprites (placeholder) borrowed from Earthbound.”
        They admit it thou.

    • HERP DERP NANOMACHINES says:

      I normally don’t mind Fair Use copyright stuff, but for once these hipsters have gone too far.

      Is nothing free from desecration in this world?!!?

  3. Turkey says:

    I feel like the universe has been trying to tell me to get on my ass and play Earthbound lately.

  4. Sound says:

    Need a little bliss in your life, today? Pop into Your Mall USA for a little bit of heaven! BUY, and save! Worked hard to get that raise? Your Mall USA is the perfect place, and the perfect time to spend! Jewelry of all kinds, she’ll love it! All the latest fashions for baby! Boot into the cyber world with a brand new Pentium computer, all software Windows 98 compatible! Soothe yourself at 56k.
    At Your Mall USA, spend your way to modern contentment!

  5. April March says:

    This is a great game. After you’ve played it watch this Amy Dentata piece that draws bizarre parallels between it and RPS Place That Is a Game Of The Year, Secret Habitat.

    • Sound says:

      The parallel isn’t bizarre – they’re based on the same artistic movement. They share the same aesthetic palette. The first is more focused on the colors and visuals. Mall Quest is more focused on the culture.

  6. Marclev says:

    Sounds a lot like trying to buy Christmas presents in a big shopping center anytime in mid-late December.

    So, a game for masochists basically?