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Feature: Ape escape
I mean, some games aggressively resist your playing them. Peter Jackson’s King Kong: The Official Game of the Movie is not available to buy on Steam, or Uplay, or any online store you could name. When I sought out a physical copy, it bricked my computer. Putting it down to coincidence, I tried the disc in my laptop, and it bricked that too. Is there…
Feature: Toblo!
"Toblo!", cheers the peppy American woman every time you go back to the menu screen. Toblo! Toblo.
Feature: Behold the cheetahmen
I guess Action 52 is a PC game, in the same way that a furious drunk forcing a hand through your letterbox at 3am is a house guest. I mean, it was a game, of sorts, and I certainly played it on a PC, so that’ll do, right? Usually with these pieces, I’ll open up a couple of tabs in my browser and do some…
Feature: For when all other Battle Royales fail you
You'll possibly have guessed from the general leaning of the guides I write that I rather enjoy playing Battle Royales. PUBG, Fortnite, Apex Legends, CSGO: Danger Zone... But if you've played any of them for any stretch of time, you'll inevitably have encountered what I consider to be the biggest problem with the genre as a whole: third-partying. There's no feeling so hollow as having…
Feature: Don't flip out
The first thing you need to know about Tabletop Simulator is that it isn't goofy physics nonsense, in the vein of goat or bread. It's an earnest attempt to let you play board games over the internet, recreating each component rather than translating games into a digital interface. The second thing you need to know is that, for the most part, it works.
Feature: You had to be there
When the Street Fighter 30th Anniversary Collection came out, there was one game I wanted to get my arcade stick out for. That was Street Fighter III: Third Strike, a game that went relatively under the radar at time of release in the UK, and sadly so. It's still, to this day, the prettiest 2D fighting game ever made.
Feature: Get me outta here!
Brendy might have made an excellent case for Abe's Exoddus being the better of the two original Oddworld games, but for me Abe's Oddysee will always be the greatest. It was dirty but gorgeous, unpolished but refined, and filled with dark humour and brilliant ideas. But the main thing is that Abe's Oddysee had those diabolical temple runs.
Feature: Elephants never forget... to kill
Well, this is awkward. On the same day I discovered nobody had written a Have You Played for Diablo, I discovered another end-of-the-90s banger that, somehow, remained unreminisced-upon. That game was Age Of Empires 2 (the Age… of Kings!), and I felt like a vulture who’d just found a wheelbarrow full of burgers at the heart of a lifeless desert. So many classics to feast…
Feature: It's french for "skeleton"
So here I am, ctrl-f’ing my way through the 1,200-deep list of games we’ve covered in this column, beginning to feel like this is the real dungeon crawl, when I find the treasure at the bottom of the crypt: nobody’s written about Diablo. Bloody Diablo. As I realise it’s free for me to write about, the memories spring back like a set of enchanted rags,…
Feature: Master stroke
"Played" is a stretch, isn't it? Tilt Brush is a VR paint 'em up where you enter a blank void and art till your heart's content. Maybe you'll do a tree. A campfire. Or, if you're like, a proper artist, a giant luminescent fire-spewing dragon. I've spent most of my time in Tilt Brush looking at other people's dragons.
Feature: Figurine out
I don't know if Toy Story 2: Buzz Lightyear To The Rescue is any good, but I know eight year-old me believed it to be. I remember pottering around a world designed for giants. A world of mundane obstacles, of molehills become mountains. A world that existed on the fringes of my understanding, where something new and bewildering lay behind every corner. I suppose being…
Feature: I am the robot master
Never has there been a more diverse package of the good and the questionable than the Mega Man Legacy Collection. There are some games from Capcom's early days with the character that I love and cherish. But there are others that I can't bring myself to enjoy.
Feature: It's chess, with lasers!
While none of the Auto-battlers out there are what we would know as "chess", their existence did make me think of Khet 2.0 - a digital form of laser chess. Laser chess has you move pieces with mirrors, an the aim is to shoot the opponent’s King (or get them to shoot it themselves with your Machiavellian manoeuvring).
Feature: Don't be heisty
Robots! Sneaking! Hacking! Dying! So. Much. Dying. The Swindle is a roguelike sneak 'em up that gets far too repetitive far too quickly, but I do like how most of those deaths are preceded by greed.
Feature: Get a life
"Life sims" have become a bit of a thing in the million years since Alter Ego was first released in 1986. I first played it about six years ago, and mostly I remember how incredibly judgemental and preachy it was.
Feature: The little grey cells
Have You Played… all those weird Hercule Poirot hidden object games?
If you search "Agatha Christie hidden object game" you can find these, available to buy apparently legitimately, from a few places. Most of them have their own slightly shady launcher. The premise is that you, playing as a version of fussy detective Hercule Poirot who looks like if someone drew David Suchet on a thumb, play through his most famous mysteries, but in hidden object…
Feature: Plinkle plonks
Plunkbat.
Feature: Lights on, lights off
The full title of this is Starman: Tale Of Light, apparently. I used to think the little person in this was an astronaut, because the title is Starman, but looking at it again it could also be a beekeeper. Or possibly a lepidopterist, because the lights you collect turn into butterflies.
Feature: I haven't
Robocode is a coding game about telling your little robot exactly how to move, dodge, aim, shoot, and assess its situation so that it can destroy all opposing robots in the arena. It's also a game I've never played before in my life. You know what I did play though? Robot Battle. Robot Battle is the 1992 coding game by Brad Schick that inspired the…
Feature: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck...
Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge will always be among my favourite LucasArts games. The sequel to The Secret Of Monkey Island was where things got a lot more Pythonesque. But it's a lot more than just a treasure hunt and a barrel of laughs, it was very clever for its time.
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