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Cardboard Children: The Wait

Spiritual Boardgame News

Hello youse.

The X-Wing Miniatures game review will have to slip to next week now, because I haven't been sent it yet and I want to roll up in a ball and cry about that. I want to crawl into a little hole and weep, just like I did after I watched The Phantom Menace.

Look, we all know that the Star Wars brand is cheapened to the point of no return by now, but that X-Wing shit looks tight, fun and amazing. And I haven't got it yet, so I want to slide under the carpet and scream for three hours.

What we gonna do now then? I should have been telling you about beautiful X-Wings and beautiful TIE Fighters from the days when Star Wars wasn't about Yoda doing adverts for mobile phone companies. WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?!

We are going to talk about THE WAIT.


We're all familiar with it, because it's the kind of people we are. We're Waiters. At any time, on any day of the year, we're always Waiting for something. I think it's the thing that defines people like me and you – geeks like me and you. We are constantly Waiting for things. We're always deep in the middle of The Wait.

Right now I am Waiting for X-Wing to arrive with me. Sure. But I'm also Waiting for City of Horror. Beyond board games, I'm feeling the weight of The Wait for the WiiU and the Dredd bluray. I am always Waiting for something. And The Wait is beautiful. It's part of the whole deal. There is no Me without that Wait. The Wait is who I am. The Wait keeps me hungry for new things, new ideas, new fun. It also motivates me to be constantly planning new projects, so that (with any luck) others might Wait for stuff from me.

I don't know if you realise this, but some people don't Wait. Some people, a lot of people, just consume things as they arrive. “Oh, what's in the cinema tonight?” they say, and then go and enjoy something that sounds good. “What's this in front of me in this shop?” they say, because they haven't been reading about that thing for months before release. Seriously, I know people like this. Let me tell you a story.

Earlier this year, I was sitting drinking with a group of friends. At one point, I asked “So, what did you think of the Prometheus trailer?!” Everyone looked at me blankly. About five people, and not one of them had even heard of Prometheus. Not one of them was Waiting for it. I knew everything there was to know about that film at that point. I'd seen the trailer. I'd seen production shots. I was following the viral stuff. I was heavily invested in it already. That's what The Wait is all about. I love The Wait.

Is The Wait a negative thing? I think it certainly makes us more easily manipulated by the manufacturers of hype. Hype and The Wait go hand in hand. It's the stuff we feed on, and it's how we are poisoned. But not everything that we Wait for is hyped. Some things that we Wait for are tiny little things, personal to us. Some of us Wait for niche things with no hype behind them at all. And I hate missing out on that cool stuff, so...

I'm keen to hear about the stuff you're Waiting for. Please do share with your comments. And here I'll tell you about a few of the other things I'm Waiting for, to give you a chance to jump on board.

METRO 2033

As a reader of the best PC games website on the internet, you'll be well aware of the Metro 2033 thing. Well, there's a board game coming too, based on the same Dmitry Glukhovsky novel. And it sounds like a belter. Each player controls a faction that is fighting for control of the post-nuclear underground. Heroes can be sent through the tunnels to attack opponents at their stations, resources are generated, and random events take place to keep things spicy. The only negative, for me, is that the board itself doesn't look hugely attractive.


The Wait for Mage Wars is almost over, but it's not quite over yet. It's out this week. But we all know that the last few hours of The Wait are the worst. The game is described as a hybrid of a card game and a miniatures game. Wizards battle on a board that allows them to move tactically, while all spells are drawn from a supply of cards that are held in an ACTUAL FUCKING SPELLBOOK. That's enough to make The Wait a nightmare, right? Everything I've heard about this game has me expecting something very special. The only negative with this one? The name. I hate the name. I hate it because of this:


Mage. Wars. Really? Two of the most overused words in gaming. SERIOUSLY. Look at it though. Looks sweet, right? Unbearable. Mere days to go.


Wow. I just – Okay. Friedeman Friese's game features mechanics that have been “borrowed” from other popular games. (He got permission, don't panic.) There are elements taken from Dominion, Agricola and Puerto Rico. The title “Fremde Federn” translates roughly as “to adorn oneself with borrowed plumes”. And the theme of the game? Politics. You're a politician who is trying to gain influence by leaning on the hard work of other people. I just love how the theme meshes with how the game has been designed. That's brilliant, right? You want to know what else is brilliant? The box cover, with Friedeman Friese's big fucking grinning face on it.

This kind of quirkiness needs to be celebrated. And with Friese's name (and face) on the box, you can be sure the game will be a strong one.

So there you have a few of the games I'm Waiting for. I have to be honest, though. The Wait for City of Horror is the hardest Wait of all. And that Wait is almost over too. Soon. Soon.

Next week, X-Wing, maybe Mage Wars too, with photos out the wazoo. Now, tell us what you're Waiting for.

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