GTA VI will be revealed this week, if you believe the fans

Rockstar are about to properly announce Grand Theft Auto VI, going by some hectic speculation surrounding a TwiX image for GTA Online's upcoming in-game Red Happy Moon Tee festival. A child in the ways of the internet might glance at said image and merely conclude that if you play GTA Online at any point this week, you can scoop up a seasonal cosmetic. But look again with unclouded eyes, young one. What does your heart say to you?

The image shows two characters standing in front of GTA V's Vinewood sign, in such a way that only "VI" can be fully made out on the left hand side. Cue reply thread of people posting Leonardo diCaprio pointing-at-TV gifs. This follows a separate discussion of the positioning of certain planes and powerlines in new promotional GTA V art - check it, those criss-crossing wires sort of look like a "VI" that's been turned on its side. And did you know that some random swimming pool in GTA: Vice City Definitive Edition now has six shiny points in it? Case closed.

Other fans are pivoting to astronomy for insight. As passed on by NME, the moon in the top right of the new GTA Online promotional image is a waning gibbous moon, and the date of the next waning gibbous moon (depending on your timezone) is tomorrow Tuesday 3rd October. Could that be the release date for the first Grand Theft Auto VI trailer? I'm guessing the answer lies somewhere between "probably not" and "no", but I would love to eat my words.

Here's what we know for sure: Rockstar announced that a new GTA game is well underway in February 2022. Ne'er-do-wells subsequently leaked a bunch of early build footage, which led to a heated discussion about games seldom looking that great while they're in development, actually. Rockstar pronounced themselves "extremely disappointed" by all this, but insisted that "our work on the next Grand Theft Auto game will continue as planned and we remain as committed as ever to delivering an experience to you, our players, that truly exceeds your expectations."

Steering back into rumour territory, credible sources report that the game is a return to Vice City, hence GTA VI-ce City, and will feature a pair of protagonists influenced by Bonnie and Clyde, including a Latina woman.

As it happens I've been recently reading Umberto Eco's satirical "secret history" book Foucault's Pendulum as prep for an RPS feature, which has much to say on the subject of conspiracy theories and the practice of reading too much into things.

Here's a little excerpt: "Any fact becomes important when it's connected to another. The connection changes the perspective; it leads you to think that every detail of the world, every voice, every word written or spoken has more than its literal meaning, that it tells us of a Secret. The rule is simple: Suspect, only suspect. You can read subtexts even in a traffic sign that says 'No littering.' "

With that in mind, and at the risk of being even more of a sanctimonious, unfunny old bore than usual, here are some alternate speculative GTA VI headlines of my own, each entirely supported by the information available.

"Grand Theft Auto VI is set on the moon"

"Rockstar are collaborating with prog-rock group Pink Floyd on a game based on the album The Dark Side of the Moon"

"Rockstar are collaborating with prog-rock group Pink Floyd on a game based on the album The Dark Side of the Moon, which is set on the moon"

"In the world of Grand Theft Auto VI, men have severe photophobia leading to an epidemic of wearing sunglasses at night"

"The next Grand Theft Auto videogame is titled Grand Theft Auto VIdeogame"