I played five minutes of the shiny Halo mod, then ran away

I like that boring old shooter you roll your eyes at. Halo was a work of alien-slaughtering art. It required calm, cunning, and a good grenade arm. I replay it all the time, because I am an uninteresting teenage boy flown in to RPS from the year 2001, and my tastes will never change. If you boiled me in a big pot, your house would fill with the smell of vanilla. I’m so white bread that when I tried out the big Halo supermod called SPV3, which updates the aging shooter with shiny details, I recoiled in horror and shut it down. Mister John, what have they done to you?