By John Walker on January 24th, 2013 at 6:00 pm.
The latest trailer for Aliens: Colonial Marines has the worst – and I mean the worst – voiceover script I have ever heard. So bad, and so badly delivered, I cannot help myself but transcribe it in its entirety, and present it to you in the form of poetry.
Listen up marines
Rhino-Two-Three ran into a shitstorm
aboard the USS Sulaco
Now we gotta pull them out of the fire
We don’t leave marines behind
anybody in their right mind
would hop the next transport home
But you’re not in your right mind
You’re in the corps
So here’s what you’re going to do
If it moves
If it’s not moving
Kill it again
You’ve each got more fire power
than an army platoon
So use it
You don’t die
Unless I give you a direct order
We’re not just fighting
for the human race
We’re fighting for the title of baddest motherfuckers in the galaxy.
That’s a battle I intend
*click* *click* *click* *click* *click* *click* *click* *click*
Oh, this is brill. The writer of the game, Mikey Neumann, has disowned this trailer, and promised that the dialogue is not from the game!