In A Nanny State: Goat Simulator Alpha

By Alec Meer on February 4th, 2014 at 5:00 pm.

Firstly: this a tech demo that’s right now is basically just for fun, rather than marking an abrupt change of direction for Sanctum devs Coffee Stain Studios.

Secondly: awwwwww. Hope they wind up doing something with it anyway.

Thirdly: GOAT SIMULATOR.

And also, more goatily, this:

Goats are dicks, man.

Basically it’s Just Cause with a goat. And there is nothing whatsoever unhappy about that sentence.

Things to know:

1) it’s made in Unreal Engine 3
2) “We’re just playing around a bit with programming stuff, this is not our next big IP, calm yourselves journalists”, but “it is a *real* game, we made it. It’s just that it’s not finished and we don’t have any particular plans with it.”
3) Follow this chap if you want regular updates about where this is going.

Please. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease make this, and release it. Otherwise I’ll eat your laundry.

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47 Comments »

  1. Drake Sigar says:

    That goat left nothing alive.

  2. shaydeeadi says:

    The Skype and Facebook sounds confused me.

    • LordDamien says:

      Same here, I was frantically switching windows and checking devices, trying to find what was the origin of it.

  3. MuscleHorse says:

    Seems a little gruff around the edges.

    • Volcanu says:

      Jeez what’s got your goat?

      • cafeoh says:

        I herd he went for a nice crutch but the result ended up shear sheep.
        When paying the billy he realized he had to pay mutton more than he should, and wooly hadn’t goat the bang for his bucks.

      • Silverchain says:

        I fear they’re trolling…

    • Low Life says:

      Who cares, I’ve been waiting for this game since I was a kid!

    • Lanfranc says:

      They just focused on the baaaah-sics, nothing wrong with that.

      • Premium User Badge Gap Gen says:

        Right, once they add more features it’ll feel more com-bleat.

    • Turkey says:

      I’m going to wait for the sequel. I hear it’s much bigger.

    • SRTie4k says:

      It makes for some great EweTube videos, though.

  4. rustybroomhandle says:

    Ya know, in a weird coincidence I was just looking for a song about goats today, and a happened upon a little number by the legendary Wesley Willis. Yuppers: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ldKppskdsY

  5. aeonofdiscord says:

    GOTY.

  6. Mud says:

    Learn to code

  7. Janichsan says:

    Why is this not yet on Kickstarter??

  8. Sami H says:

    City? check
    Graphical glitches? check
    Player transformed into something oddly awesome? check

    Yep, looks like a potential mini-game for the next Saint’s Row.

    • Premium User Badge antelpe says:

      Add psychedelic visual effects and send it to Jeff Minter.

    • Premium User Badge Gap Gen says:

      That car collision is basically the insurance fraud level. Also that neck. Man.

  9. someguyxx says:

    This looks great, and probably will be hilarious to play, but you have to wonder how much more mileage people can get out of the whole “Mundane Thingy Simulator 20XX” idea.

  10. Vinraith says:

    He’s the stair master. He has mastered the stairs.

  11. Premium User Badge quietone says:

    Expect to hear from our lawyers:

  12. Shuck says:

    “this is not our next big IP”
    WHY NOT?! Man, some game devs have such a misplaced sense of priorities…

  13. Jorum says:

    My daughters would definitely play this.

    On a serious note, an open world game that lets you explore AND that’s not full of guns, axes and murder would be great for my 4yr old.

  14. alms says:

    OMG the first video is genius!

  15. OscarWilde1854 says:

    I see a silence of the lambs sequel…. Silence of the Goats… Waaaay scarier than the original… include some scenes of that goat climbing up the crane, Bucket headshot, getting hit by a Toyota NuclearPoweredPrius (Not sure how else the goat managed to get knocked 65km and nearly off the map), goats trashing a birthday party! It’s all gripping and absolutely horrifying!!

  16. Tom Walker says:

    Go home, Laura, you’re drunk.

  17. LordDamien says:

    Put lasers on that goat and you have a sale here!

  18. Premium User Badge Chaz says:

    They should have used a donkey and called it Jack Ass.