Posts Tagged ‘the risen report’

The Risen 3 Report, Day 6: The Price Of A Monkey

By Alec Meer on August 28th, 2014.

What price a life? Specifically, what price a simian life? Specifically, what price a helper monkey trained in thievery?
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The Risen 3 Report, Day 5: The World’s Longest Arm Wrestle

By Alec Meer on August 27th, 2014.

The story so far. Now: arm-wrestling.

Four minutes. Four long, boring, exhausting minutes. Am I trolling this guy, or do I just not know how to arm wrestle?
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The Risen 3 Report, Day 4: The Salem Duck Trials

By Alec Meer on August 15th, 2014.

Previously on the Risen 3 Report:

Evil Pirate Porn Star Sisters!
Garth Merenghi’s Dark Arts Place!
Scrotal Fashion!
Several hours of adventuring in the pirate town of Antigua, which I’m not going to tell you about because it was pretty dull!
Now: a suspicious duck.

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The Risen 3 Report, Day 3: Jack The Sack

By Alec Meer on August 14th, 2014.

Once I noticed, I couldn’t stop noticing.

Maybe this needs a not entirely safe for work warning. Very much depends on your workplace, however.
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The Risen 3 Report, Day 2: Voodoo Matt Berry

By Alec Meer on August 13th, 2014.

The good news is that I do now have Risen 3 working on my games PC, and I only had to disable half of the cores in my processor to do it. The bad news is that the events of this second part of the diary were played on crappy laptop integrated graphics before I’d found the fix, so the ugly screenshots will once again destroy your will to live. All will be visually well from part 3 onwards, however.

Part 1 of this series is here, and the Risen 1 Report is here. Plot spoilers in this one, btw.

My freedom did not last. Evil Pirate Porn Star Sister Patty – I’m not sure yet if I’m Selma or Marge – is back at my heels, scoffing and bragging and bellowing impolite assertions about the parentage of passing monkeys, and I’ve got a terrible dilemma on my hands.
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The Risen 3 Report, Day 1: Boobpirate vs Hulk Chicken

By Alec Meer on August 12th, 2014.

Editor’s wibble – I’d hoped to have a full Wot I Think of Risen 3: Titan Lords, Piranha Bytes’ latest openish world RPG by now, but sadly code has been incompatible with my PC. I have been able to play it in short bursts on a laptop with lousy integrated graphics, but there was only so much low-detail 20FPS play I could stand before needing a lie down. However, I am ready to tell of my earliest adventures in its world of pirates, monsters and magic, as The Risen Report returns.

I’m a pirate. I’m on a boat. There’s a fight. I’m on the shore. A beach. An island. A quest for lost treasure. A sister.
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The Complete Risen Report

By Alec Meer on January 3rd, 2012.

I maxed out clothed bathing

In 2009, the bulk of RPG commentary on PC was all Dragon Age this, Dragon Age that. Me, I ended up sinking more time into something rougher, readier, odder, 50% glorious and 50% drudgery. Piranha Byte’s spiritual Gothic sequel Risen was a hell of a place to visit for a time. Here’s my fall and rise and fall again on its peril-packed, amoral island of adventure.
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The Games Of Christmas: December 15th

By RPS on December 15th, 2009.

The photoshopping gets more wearying every day
Christmas is a time to appreciate the under-appreciated. Like rat milk, the later films of Steve Martin, and boating shoes. And, more earnestly, the game that the hand of the one true leader of the Autobots is trepidatiously gesturing toward…
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The Risen Report #6: Grinderman

By Alec Meer on October 21st, 2009.

After 12 hours of adventuring, I’ve finally got a hat. Man, I love hats.

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The Risen Report #5: Slave

By Alec Meer on October 20th, 2009.

This guy?

HATE

I hate this guy.
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The Risen Report #4: Victim

By Alec Meer on October 13th, 2009.

Me, here, somewhere, friendless, alone.

Everything went wrong went I made it out of the first city.
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The Risen Report #3: Native

By Alec Meer on October 12th, 2009.

Colonel Kurtz allegory ahoy

Everything changed when I made it to the first city.
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The Risen Report #2: Sous-Chef

By Alec Meer on October 8th, 2009.

In lieu of a review, I’m keeping a diary of my (mis)adventures in and thoughts on divisive new RPG Risen. The first part’s here.

The situation: I’m being followed by a physically impossible woman who’s moaning about being hungry, and I have a pocket full of vulture and rat meat. There’s probably a way to connect these two things. First, however, fighting.
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